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Message |
Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Wife doesn’t believe that an Aspie/Aspie marriage can work |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 08 Aug 2023, 1:46 am
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Replies: 10
Views: 1,038
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| until one of us gets stressed/upset, which causes both of us to lose control. I hate seeing her upset. But, while it’s happening, I am useless, and only make it worse. Have very much been there, though my situation is slightly different. My wife has been formally diagnosed bipolar most of her life.... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Dialogue aspie-style? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 08 Aug 2023, 1:17 am
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Replies: 9
Views: 591
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| You idea sounds interesting but I don't understand it. How do we do dialogue? Can you give me more information? Well, I would begin by distinguishing it from what I call "alternating monologue". People can take turns talking, but never really connect. What I want to call dialogue aims fir... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Dialogue aspie-style? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 05 Aug 2023, 11:35 am
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Replies: 9
Views: 591
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| In my experience with in-person dialogue in a few support groups discussions revolved around the exchange of information. OK, I take this as some sort of counter-evidence. Of course I don't mean to deny that we can have practical exchanges of information as well. We certainly do have practical need... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Dialogue aspie-style? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 04 Aug 2023, 7:46 pm
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Replies: 9
Views: 591
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| Interesting points, thanks for taking the time to communicate this. It deserves a nice detailed response but I am overwhelmed with other issues and may never get back to this. So I just want to say, I enjoyed reading it and it definitely resonates with me. I agree with much of what you say. Thank y... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Neurodiversity: Reflection vs Reaction |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 04 Aug 2023, 1:34 pm
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Replies: 6
Views: 510
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| I would think that there should be a place for reflective thinking in the upper echelons of large organizations. For example in a discussion of the best ways to kill Jews in a meeting in Germany in the 1930s, it might have been better if someone asked, "Should we be doing this". I underst... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Neurodiversity: Reflection vs Reaction |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 04 Aug 2023, 1:06 pm
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Replies: 6
Views: 510
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| Agree, I like how my brain works. It helps me to reflect, read a lot of philosophy, meditation and fantasy books and have deep conversations with others. It has taken me a while to find my community though. Btw.. When applied for a executive job they told me that you seem to think a lot, and reflec... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Neurodiversity: Reflection vs Reaction |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 04 Aug 2023, 12:50 pm
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Replies: 6
Views: 510
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| Three things- I don't think NTs and NDs are that fundamentally different, and believe that any axiom that seeks to simplify things into terms of "NTs be like this, but NDs be like that" is fundamentally flawed. As you seem to have touched on, reaction is a necessary response in many situa... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Why it might *appear* we're uninterested in dating |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 23 Jul 2023, 6:37 pm
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Replies: 38
Views: 2,192
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| After the end of my first marriage in 1988, I literally did not date for 25 years. Courtship with my second wife had some comic moments related to my lack of perception of her signals that this really was romantic, and not just two former work friends casually getting together. As a male, I've alway... |
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Forum: Social Skills and Making Friends Topic: One Way To Spot An Unsafe Person |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 23 Jul 2023, 6:12 pm
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Replies: 44
Views: 3,911
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| @All: There is a difference between 'Unsafe' and 'Unpleasant'. A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant. A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe. Yes exactly. And autistic people are mistaken for unsafe when we might only be unpleasant :? I'm talking a... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Neurodiversity: Reflection vs Reaction |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 23 Jul 2023, 5:20 pm
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Replies: 6
Views: 510
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| I experience the positive side of a probably hyperconnected brain as a very strong and generally uplifting tendency toward free, open-ended, multi-dimensional, sustained reveries of reflection on things, people, and life. Although I can actually be good in a crisis in the sense of being level-headed... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Rituals, Executive Function, and Retirement |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 10 Jul 2023, 10:12 pm
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Replies: 6
Views: 465
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| My approach is to put effort up front on deciding what I want or need to do (sometimes I use spread sheets) and then create a new ritual to trigger it. Having a "vehicle" for my rituals is important. For instance, I know I'll always make coffee after breakfast at home, but I don't always ... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Scope of "executive function"? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 10 Jul 2023, 10:00 pm
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Replies: 9
Views: 953
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| BUT!! ! ! I read on Wrongplanet that Asperger's people may have a disability with executive functioning but also have a skill for developing systems that solve specific problems. As long as I take time up front to analyze and design a system (routines) that solves my problem then I can get by. My p... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Scope of "executive function"? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 07 Jul 2023, 7:29 pm
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Replies: 9
Views: 953
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| Not to get pedantic, but here is the definition from the APA dictionary of psychology Thanks. This fits pretty well with what I've been seeing on the web. I do have a couple of issues with aspects of this definition in itself (nothing to do with your presentation of it). I'm aiming for a middle-of-... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: ASD and bipolar marriage |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 03 Jul 2023, 9:35 pm
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Replies: 11
Views: 769
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| I'm not entirely sure if this counts as black & white thinking but one issue me & lots of others on the spectrum have is that we see similar situations as being basically the same & we don't get why similar situations can have very different rules. We also have problems with double stan... |
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Forum: Women's Discussion Topic: Low executive function, how do you keep an ok house? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 03 Jul 2023, 9:02 pm
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Replies: 10
Views: 2,970
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| If it's permissible to post here, I'm a man and I have similar issues too. My wife has a hard time walking and doing a lot of physical things, so I do the majority of our household tasks. Or at least, I intend to. Usually I get as far as making the food and bringing it to her, but I'm really bad at ... |
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Forum: General Autism Discussion Topic: Scope of "executive function"? |
| notSpock |
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Posted: 03 Jul 2023, 8:23 pm
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Replies: 9
Views: 953
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| Executive function things that affect me for sure include working memory issues; getting started on things; finishing things; changing gears; and organization of materials. If catching social cues is considered as part of that, then that too, and also talking too loud and interrupting. I have quite ... |
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