Mathematical Jokes.

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When I was in elementary school, me and my mates used to play this game where we would type in numbers into our calculators to see if they spelled naughty words upside down. We found we could spell "boobies" upside down by typing in 8008531. We could spell "gotohell" similarly by typing in 7734209. The joke is not a clever pun or anything. Just pure scatological silliness. "Into" simply means "being divided into" in this case.

An interesting problem would be "how many palindrome primes" spell palindrome words/phrases on a calculator?".

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each given a theorem to prove or disprove: All odd numbers are prime.

The mathematician says, "3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is not prime. The theorem is clearly false."

The physicist says, "3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime, 9? -- that's probably a bad data point, let's go on. 11 is prime. 13 is prime. 15? -- well, that's a reasonable number of data points. The theorem is probably true."

The engineer says, "3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime. ..."

I would have told the one about the Abelian grape, but someone beat me to it.

A topologist is someone who can't tell his donut from his coffee mug.

Calculus:

Don't drink and derive.

I put an Impure Mathematics story in the Adult Autism Issues section. Too suggestive for some!

This is reportedly a true story:

One in a Norwegian retirement home, there was an old mathematician with Alzheimer's. He'd frequently scare other patients by claiming that he was gonna take the derivative of them (given that they knew next to nothing about Calculus, this did indeed startle them). Once, he threatened another patient; one who was also a former mathematician, but did not suffer from Alzheimer's. His response to the demented mathematician was: "Go ahead. I'm the exponential function!".

I only know one good maths joke.
q: Where do you find mathematical pirates?
a: indices!

How did the mathematician's parrot die?

Polynomial. Polygon.

I cooked and hate his pet.

I found polygamy!

Dear Mr. Algebra,
Please don't ask us to find your X. She is never coming back, and don't ask us Y.

(Yeah, dumb joke, but it's not mine)

Q: What's the ratio of the circumference of a jack-o-lantern to it's diameter?
















A: Pumpkin pi

There's this webcomic called Making xkcd Slightly Worse. It's mostly just remixes of strips from xkcd, but there's this one strip that is completely original.
link

More of a programmer joke ...

knock knock
who's there?
loop
loop who?
knock knock

Sooner or later, someone's gonna answer "timer interrupt".

i am impressed with the jokes that have been previously posted (to a large degree).

i wonder how many of them are original. i looked for the "knock knock (loop)" one on the internet, and i did not find any reference to it and i am satisfied it is original, and therefore creditworthy.

i am not able to craft such structured jokes. i can not compile a set of words that can lead another person through a complex set of ideas.

i either resort to idiotic thought patterns that amuse only me, or i look for pronunciative similarities in what is being said to what i can alternately imagine they are saying.

Q: what is the term for depilating many chinese people (as said in a crude chinese/english way) .
A: aaah… multi pluck Asians (multiplications)

Q: what did the disciples of martin luther king follow?
A: de-vision

Q: what is the term for an extended period of removal of sight?
A: long de-vision

Q: what is the term for insufficient grip on a surface?
A: sub-traction.

Q: what beats do lumberjacks play on their bongo’s?
A: logger rhythms.

Q: what do prudishly conservative trees grow from?
A: “square” roots.

Q: what is a vital garment worn by some micro-organisms?
A: an “algae bra”


whatever. simple but curious is what i find to be interesting.

but i also like to think in absurd ways sometimes. it is like a holiday from seriousness. it is like a ride on a "wild neddy" bronco that tries to buck me off it's back with revulsion and disagreement as to what i am shouting into it's ear.

here is an example of concentrated stupidity.

i wrote a program once that was designed to warn me if the numeral 501,623 ever became unequal to the numeral 501,623

public A=501623
Do while .t.
If A=A
loop
Else
exit
Endif
enddo
? "501,623" is no longer equal to "501,623"

that is funny to me, but it is too complicated to explain why. i have a large vocabulary and a reasonable knowledge of how words should be strung together, but i can still not convey why i think it is funny.

maybe it is because someone would have to watch it forever and never see a result. but it is more than that.

A programmer's wife sent him to the store with these instructions: "Pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, bring home a dozen."

He comes home with 12 loaves of bread.






There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.