17 Nov 2022, 2:16 am
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30 Jan 2023, 11:59 am
17 Feb 2023, 6:35 pm
https://babylonbee.com/news/tech-compan ... -for-ideas
Tech Companies Continuing To Scour Classic Dystopian Sci-Fi Novels For Ideas
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a bid to both stay ahead of the technological curve and help usher in the end of the world, tech companies continue to repeatedly comb through every dystopian science fiction novel they can find in order to come up with their next ideas.
"It's our go-to solution whenever we have a hard time coming up with a new idea," said Scotty Moon, lead engineer at a large big tech firm. "We just start reading through classic sci-fi books that deal with the fall of human civilization and use whatever caused it in the story as our inspiration."
While Apple continues work on its giant "iLaser" (determined via focus group to be a better name than "Death Star") that will be capable of vaporizing entire planets, rumors persist that Microsoft is pushing forward with its long-term plan to poison the world's food supply through nefarious agriculture work and drastically reduce the human population under the guise of philanthropic initiatives. This all pales in comparison to reports that Amazon is looking into time travel breakthroughs, theoretically to allow them to go back in time to deliver packages before you even placed the order, but this technology will almost certainly be used for more horrible things.
"Growing children in artificial wombs like Brave New World, predicting crimes and arresting people before they commit them like Minority Report, and an exciting behavioral modification method similar to the Ludovico Technique in A Clockwork Orange are all amazing innovations heading your way," Moon continued. "Bringing those stories to life is what we're working toward every day."
In an interview with ChatGPT, the AI confirmed everything is just fine and there's nothing to worry about.
18 Feb 2023, 8:39 pm
Mikah wrote:
AARGH!! !
18 Feb 2023, 8:44 pm
11 Mar 2023, 3:07 pm
13 Mar 2023, 4:25 am
https://babylonbee.com/news/seven-year- ... t-on-shoes
Seven-Year-Old Tragically Collapses Into Coma After Being Asked To Put On Shoes
BOISE, ID — Local seven-year-old Audrey Williamson tragically fell into a coma today after her mother kindly asked her to put on shoes before going to school.
"We're not sure she will ever recover," said Dr. Roger Evans. "The request to wear shoes was simply more than Audrey could bear. Her body instantly went limp and began shutting down."
Waves of grief and regret over asking Audrey to put shoes on have racked Audrey's mother, Bettina Williamson. "What was I thinking?" she cried. "I should never have been such a harsh mother. Putting shoes on seemed like such a simple task! Only now do I realize the terrible burden I was placing on my daughter. What a fool I've been!"
According to sources, Audrey has suffered in her short life from a variety of mysterious ailments, often triggered by simple pleas from her parents. "Audrey has dealt with several episodes of temporary lower body paralysis, typically precipitated by parents asking her to walk beside them in a parking lot," said Dr. Evans. "She occasionally loses the ability to swallow food, mostly when served bread that has crust on it. So far, we have been unable to find any diagnosis which can explain these unusual neurologic phenomena. Audrey's a medical enigma."
At publishing time, Audrey had miraculously recovered from her coma after Mrs. Williamson asked her little brother if he wanted any waffle fries.
14 Mar 2023, 5:03 am
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20 Apr 2023, 7:02 am
20 Apr 2023, 7:54 am
^ A related meme
23 Apr 2023, 6:54 am
16 May 2023, 1:49 pm
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