Mathematical Jokes.

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olle
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07 Aug 2008, 5:45 pm

LabPet wrote:

Let a & b each = 1
Since a = b, then b^2 = ab

subtract line 1 from line 2 (sounds like doing your taxes....):
a^2 - b^2 = a^2 - ab

Factor both sides of the equation: a^2 - ab = a(a-b). And, a^2 - b^2 = (a+b)(a-b). This is true.

Substituting, (a+b)(a-b) = a(a-b). Now divide both sides by (a-b), just because I said so: a + b = 0

<snip>

The moral: Don't ever let Lab Pet do your taxes.

And good thing Winston Churchill is dead or he'd be really mad at the Lab Pet. Pending lawsuit......

QED

Wow, that is the most hilarous I've read in a long long time. Thanks Lab Pet! Whoever wrote that, I assume it's you, is a comical genious. Or something.

Btw, aint no false proofs foolin' me.

Dokken
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08 Aug 2008, 5:39 pm

Here's a good one.

There are 3 men on a boat with 4 cigarettes and no matches/lighter. How do they manage to smoke?

serjohn
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09 Aug 2008, 7:29 am

What did the math book say to the pencil? I have many problems.

burnse22
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09 Aug 2008, 6:39 pm

Here's one from Science of Discworld III

1) First describe the process for boiling a kettle.

Take it off the peg, put it in the sink, fill it with water, etc, etc.

2) Now describe the process for boiling a kettle found in the sink.

Put it on the peg, and repeat process 1).

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Unbeliever
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11 Aug 2008, 12:22 pm

I always loved this one from Dilbert:

Dilbert is being shown around by an accounting troll.

Troll: This is our random number generator.

Points to another troll, sitting on a rock, constantly repeating, "nine, nine, nine, nine..."

Dilbert: Are you sure that's random?

Troll: That's the problem with random numbers. It's kinda hard to tell...

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olle
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11 Aug 2008, 1:53 pm

Unbeliever wrote:

Hehe, good one, I recall that one being posted on Slashdot at the time of the Debian SSL bug.

Hector
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11 Aug 2008, 2:04 pm

I have to admit I don't find jokes about maths to be all that funny, but I like a bunch of jokes about mathematicians. You'd probably have to have studied maths in order to really identify with them, but here are a couple of my favourites:

Quote:

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.

"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.

"My head's spinning," the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"

"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n=13."

Quote:

An engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner. Immediately he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

A physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner. After a brief investigation, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

A mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner. He examines the problem, convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

Unbeliever
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12 Aug 2008, 5:46 am

What do Australian mathematicians drink?

castlemaine d/dx 2x^2

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Unbeliever
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12 Aug 2008, 6:53 am

This is one of my favourites, but you need to know about Heisenberg's uncertainty principle:

One night, Heisenberg was driving home at quite a speed when a cop suddenly pulls him over.
The police officer walks up to his window and asks, "Herr Heisenberg, do you know how fast you were going?"
To which Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

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LostInEmulation
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12 Aug 2008, 7:39 am

Unbeliever wrote:

*lol*

2 lines meet in Euclidian space. They chat a bit and decide to have a few beers, when each of them goes its way, they say goodbye and one of them says: "but next time, you pay for the drinks!"

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Haliphron
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13 Aug 2008, 5:17 pm

For some reason math jokes come across as being slightly juvenile in the sense that for the most part they are puns or similes.
I happen to take mathematics rather seriously and math jokes for some reason remind me of monty python :eew: .

lau
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13 Aug 2008, 5:45 pm

There was an Abelian group taking a random walk across a Riemann surface, and boy! did they laugh!

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QuantumCowboy
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21 Aug 2008, 7:45 am

Here is one that actually appears to hold true in the real world...

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Hector
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21 Aug 2008, 8:45 am

LostInEmulation wrote:

2 lines meet in Euclidian space. They chat a bit and decide to have a few beers, when each of them goes its way, they say goodbye and one of them says: "but next time, you pay for the drinks!"

I feel like I should get this one (unlike the one about the abelian group where I don't have the necessary background), but I don't...

lau
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21 Aug 2008, 9:05 am

My post was entirely meaningless... sorry.

However, LostInEmulation's "2 lines" post was an ironic play on "next time" and the fact that Euclidean space implies that only coincident lines can meet more than once.

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MomofTom
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21 Aug 2008, 8:24 pm

How did the mathemetician relieve his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

(Sorry, that's all I've got.) :lol:

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