Joke for programmers: If Microsoft sold flat-pack furniture:

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Joke for programmers: If Microsoft sold flat-pack furniture:

The brochure would indicate that the assembled item of furniture is the latest greatest thing and all older versions of the furniture should be phased out and replaced. Only the new furniture should be used in new apartments.

There would not be any assembly instructions.

There would not be a picture of the finished item of furniture.

There would not be a parts list for the particular item of furniture and you will need to guess which parts are required.

Each part would need to be selected / guessed from a master list of 1000 parts.

The parts descriptions would be in an obscure dialect of Chinese.

You would need to spend many hours on Google and posting questions on forums working out which parts are actually required and in what order they should be assembled.

However on the plus side:

Microsoft would supply full details about the properties of each part indicating what it was made of, its size, thickness, colour etc.

Each part would have a list of methods indicating where screws, bolts and glue should be inserted.

Each part would have a list of events indicating what happens in the event of screws being over tightened or not enough glue being applied.

After spending all day on the job you would find you got the assembly sequence wrong and can’t get the last piece to fit so have to take it all apart again and rebuild it from scratch.

After rebuilding the furniture again, there would be a few components left over that don’t seem to fit anywhere. So rather than throwing them away you leave them taped underneath the furniture - just in case they are needed later.

After finally getting the item of furniture together it keeps collapsing for unknown reasons at 10:15 am every Wednesday morning and needs extra screws, glue and chewing gum to hold it together.

The furniture would be issued with an advisory notice that it should not be placed next to any other items of furniture not approved by Microsoft or its colour may change to blue.

Once a month Microsoft would send you some new screws and chewing gum to replace those that mysteriously fell out the previous month.

Microsoft would provide a helpdesk telephone number costing $100 per call.

Good luck with the new project!

Due to the new versions of chairs, etc having seats three feet off the ground, which means they will no longer fit under the older tables, etc, Microsoft will (eventually) supply a "Microsoft Office Compatibility Pack for Wood, XSteel, and PowerSofa File Formats". This will consist of a hacksaw blade. Unfortunately, it will have no teeth.

As opposed to the Apple iFurniture, which would arrive pre-assembled. There would be no visible screws, bolts, or other connectors, and everything would be painted matte white. If any part of the furniture were to become damaged, it would not be possible to replace parts; instead, the entire assembly would have to be taken to the nearest iFurniture store, where trained professionals would dispose of it, and you would purchase new iFurniture.

Then there's the Linux Furniture store - a pile of lumber, a box of nails, a hammer, a saw, and a lathe.

... and it would all still just be one big virus taking over your apartment and driving you mad when doors, sashes and fixtures seem to have minds of their own.

Nobody mentioned that to get the flat pack out of the box, you must visit a third party vendor for 3D drivers.

However we might be lucky enough that they will produce different manuals for different languages and you get the one in your language, instead of either a series of incomprehensible diagrams you don't understand or very limited instructions but in 20 different languages.

After opening the furniture, mid-way through unpacking you would be required to sign a license promising you would not try to backwards engineer the furniture, or try to make and sell substantially similar furniture.

You would be informed that all support and warranties would be voided if you partitioned the room you keep the furniture in and place a non-M$ alternative in the other partition created.

Oh, yes, you've reminded me, pandd - the iFurniture also has a special requirement. Any food or dishes used on the table must be purchased from the iFurniture store, or you run the risk of breaking the table - which, again, has to be taken back to the iFurniture store to be replaced.

You can put any dishes you like on the Linux furniture, but if you purchase fast food, you will also need to haunt the home-improvement stores until you find the special dishes that will hold your fast food, or you can't eat it. On the plus side, once you find those special dishes, they are free...

If you want to place something on top of windows furniture you have to show your ID and sign a form that you really want to put it on top of the furniture. Just to prevent that something ends up on top of your furniture without your approval, it might damage it! (e.g. pots with furniture eating worms, most of them only eat windows)

P.S. can windows furniture be placed close to a window, or is it also damaged by UV light.

every once in a while, it would throw you out of the chair, and you'd have to sit back down by

placing your left arm on the right side of the chair
cross you legs prior to seating,
and hum "Waltzing Matilda" for 30 seconds...