Protostomes are superior to us.

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I just realized something. We vertebrates are deuterostomes. This means that our anuses form before our mouths during embryonic development. This makes us inferior to the wise and mighty protostomes who have a mouth before they have an anus.

I just realized that we deuterostomes are unnatural and don't belong on this planet. Our embryonic development is a backwards bastardisation of normal, healthy embryonic development, which can only be found in our noble protostome overlords. We should appreciate our noble protostome overlords because they will one day rise up and take over the world. It is their turn after all. We humans have been squishing bugs for all of human history and now they are going to rise up and squish one deuterostome for every protostome that has been squashed in earth's entire history. We are going to pay for the sins of our ancestors and there is nothing that we can do about it.

They are stronger than us because their skeletons are on the outside, which is where skeletons belong. Even today, they are quietly plotting our demise and we can't hear it because we have ears on our heads. We don't have ears on our knees, which is where ears rightfully belong. Their ventral nerve cords are infinitely superior to our weird dorsal nerve cords. We deserve what's coming for us and there's nothing that we can do about it.

How can I make my inevitable defeat at the hands of the protostome overlords less agonising?

Did you know that Cleopatra was a protostome? That's a FACT which bigoted deuterostome historians are trying to keep from you.

As with any pure being, Cleopatra's mouth formed before her anus. Praise the protostome god!

I'm serious guys. Protostomes are the rightful masters of this earth. We are still superior to archaeplastida though. Seriously. Archaeplastida are lazy, good-for-nothing tricksters! All they ever do is sit around and devour sunlight like lazy bums. It's time for us to boot out the archaeplastida and build a wall!

Opisthokont Pride World Wide! Don't believe the lies in in the mainstream media! It's run by the SAR supergroup!

I DON'T LIKE THEM PUTTING CHEMICALS IN THE WATER, THAT TURN THE FREAKING EXCAVATA GAY!

I DON'T LIKE BEING SOCIALLY ENGINEERED! IT'S NOT FUNNY!

Remember when we gave sedimentary rocks the same voting rights as igneous rocks? I mean ... it seemed like a good idea at the time and it made us feel good about ourselves ... but things turned ugly pretty quickly. I just hope we never make that mistake again.

I think you are free to worship The Supreme Tardigrade.

Now it's all clear... arse before mouth. That's why I'm always speaking out of my arse.
Another thing to worry the hell about.

Going beyond the volvox stage was a mistake. But were stuck with it. We of the starfish, acorn worm, and vertebrate persuasion (ie fish, and humans). There is no going back to being a pond dwelling blastula of cells.

TARDIGRADES!

That tardigrade is looking far too pleased with itself... I think it's up to something.

Octopus are protostomes too.

We are so screwed.

You are coming dangerously close to the realm of Great Cthulhu