Post some of the most laughably bad dialogue in film history

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17 Jun 2013, 2:43 pm

From Dracula vs Frankenstein

DR. BEAUMONT is driving his car when suddenly, COUNT DRACULA appears in the passenger seat.

DR. BEAUMONT - Who are you?

DRACULA - Keep driving, I'll tell you where.

DR. BEAUMONT - Who are you?

DRACULA - I am known as the Count of Darkness, the Lord of the Manor of Corpathia. Turn here.

The car stops, and the FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER is there.

DRACULA - Get out of the car Dr. Beaumont!

So DR. BEAUMONT leaves the car and the MONSTER throttles him.

DRACULA - An old friend, doctor. You'll find that Frankenstein and I have made some improvements. Haha hahahaha!

--------------------------

This film has so many great lines. Here are some more.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN - I am too old, and too sick, to be interested or surprised by anything. But when a man enters my house and casts no reflection on my mirror, and upon his hand wears the unholy crest of Dracula, there is no scientific answer to anything! Now, what is on your mind – Count Dracula!?

and later...

DRACULA - And all those who meddle in the destinies of Frankenstein and Dracula will see an infernal bloodbath the likes of which has never swept the Earth before!

The dwarf Gazbo has some great lines.

GAZBO - You see! You must open your eyes to see things.

And...

GAZBO - I'm just a little man of no use to anyone!

jstrewth
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18 Jun 2013, 10:23 am

Stallone in Tango & Cash, in response to a guy comparing his character to Rambo: "Rambo... is a p****." I LOL'd at that.

LexingtonDeville
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18 Jun 2013, 10:42 am

Zombie369 wrote:

LexingtonDeville wrote:

Zombie369 wrote:

LexingtonDeville wrote:

Every single pun in the Schumacher Batman films. However, this one takes the trophy....

"Or do i need skin tight vinyl and a whip?" Nicole Kidman trying to be sexy, but only ends up cringeworthy.

This is why the Christopher Nolan trilogy wipes the floor with Schumacher's AWFUL films.

Yeah that one was pretty bad too. I think she was trying to reference Catwoman from Batman Returns, but it ended up sounding like she was implying that Batman was into S&M. :lol:

Which is why I would take any decent quotes from the Dark Knight Trilogy over the Schumacher puns anyday of the week.

Meh, I still perfer Schumacher's movies over Nolan's movies. But I'm a guy who actually likes crappy movies. I mean I have quite a few B movies and mockbusters on my shelf like Hell of the Living Dead which is one of my favorite zombie movies of all time.

Fair game. I would rather take a decent quote from Heath Ledger's Joker or Tom Hardy's Bane than listen to any of the awful dialogue that the Schumacher films fired off.

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graywyvern
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18 Jun 2013, 6:45 pm

besides the performances & the colors, the dialogue is pretty great too

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047136/tri ... =tt_trv_qu

Johnny:How many men have you forgotten?
Vienna:As many women as you've remembered.
Johnny:Don't go away.
Vienna:I haven't moved.
Johnny:Tell me something nice.
Vienna:Sure. What do you want to hear?
Johnny:Lie to me. Tell me all these years you've waited ...
Vienna:All these years I've waited.
Johnny:Tell me you'd have diedif I hadn't come back.
Vienna:I would have died if you hadn't come back.
Johnny:Tell me you still love me like I love you.
Vienna:I still love you like you love me.
Johnny:Thanks. Thanks a lot.

(there's a lot more, especially the exchanges between Emma & Vienna, but i can't find any on the internet right now)

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18 Jun 2013, 9:16 pm

West Side Story

The fire escape (balcony) scene:

Tony - I love you.

Maria - yes.

"Yes?" She agrees that he loves her. How touching.

jstrewth
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19 Jun 2013, 11:22 am

And now, because nobody has done it yet, some selected dialogue from MSTed films. (Bite me, it's fun.)

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Raul Julia: "Mom... my nuts." (That's what it sounds like, at least.)

The Touch of Satan
Melissa, the witch, while gazing upon a lake: "This is where the fish live."

Soooooooooultaker
One of the doomed guys (I can't remember which): "Led Zeppelin was wrong, man. There is no stairway to heaven."

Any more, cause I'm dry.

Last edited by jstrewth on 20 Jun 2013, 11:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

girly_aspie
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19 Jun 2013, 11:29 am

I love this thread.

"He was a bastard, but he was still ... my father!" - The Transporter, a completely terrible film.

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19 Jun 2013, 11:32 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCHQiXd1wh4

A nice collection ...

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22 Jun 2013, 7:40 pm

"They're eating her ... and then they're gonna eat me! Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!" -Troll 2

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23 Jun 2013, 8:23 pm

KITANA: Mother! You're alive!
SINDEL: Too bad YOU! ... Will die!

-Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Jory
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23 Jun 2013, 8:40 pm

Since I can't post the complete screenplays of the Star Wars prequels, these will have to do:

"F#$k with me, and we'll see who s#!ts on the sidewalk." -- Death Race (2008)

Um. What?

"Don't ever write a check with your mouth that you can't cash with your ass." -- Sucker Punch (2011)

I'm sure Zack Snyder thought that was just the coolest line of dialogue ever written.

"Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else." -- X-Men (2000)

I could post atrocious Joss Whedon dialogue all day, but this may be the most baffling of them all.

NEtikiman
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23 Jun 2013, 9:19 pm

From Antitrust:

"This isn't a game! In the real world, when you kill people they die - for real! And in the real world you're f***ed!"

Such a dumb movie!

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26 Jun 2013, 2:34 am

"You wouldn't sacrifice me on this altar, would you?"

BLOOD FEAST

... also from Blood Feast...

"To actually eat human flesh. Pete, how could they?"

... and...

"... that the killer is dead. He died a fitting death, the garbage that he was".

Kraichgauer
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26 Jun 2013, 6:41 am

Star Wars: A New Hope.

Imperial officer: "She'll die before she tells you."
Darth Vader: "Leave that to me."

I love the original trilogy, but Lucas' dialogue was truly horrible!

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer

Jory
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26 Jun 2013, 12:25 pm

Kraichgauer wrote:

Reminds me of what Harrison Ford reportedly told Lucas on the set:

"George, you can type this s#!t, but you sure as hell can't say it."

Classic.

jstrewth
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28 Jun 2013, 7:01 pm

How could I possibly forget this one - Luciano Pavarotti in Yes, Giorgio (his character's name, BTW, is Giorgio Fini) to his love interest: "You are a thirsty plant. Fini can water you."

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