What's your favorite stand-up comedian quote and by who?

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MonsterGuy
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09 Jun 2014, 7:02 pm

Who? And what?

kraftiekortie
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09 Jun 2014, 7:20 pm

Maybe you could say please? Or say hi to somebody. That would be nice.

Stannis
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09 Jun 2014, 8:53 pm

Quote:

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

-Groucho Marx

Meistersinger
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09 Jun 2014, 11:01 pm

Outside a dog is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.--Groucho Marx.

Mrrandomman
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09 Jun 2014, 11:40 pm

My favorite quote from a stand up comedian was

" What if, instead of cockroaches, I had a koala bear problem. Cutest infestation ever! You turn on the light and a bunch of koalas scatter 'Wait I want to hold you and feed you a leaf.'

-
Mitch Hedburg

Moviefan2k4
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10 Jun 2014, 1:46 am

"Put a helmet on!" ~Brad Stine~

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LumpLump
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10 Jun 2014, 2:07 am

ah, good ol' jim gaffigan

luanqibazao
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10 Jun 2014, 2:24 am

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

? Steven Wright

Jijifranko
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11 Jun 2014, 8:12 pm

MonsterGuy wrote:

Who? And what?

Are they a double act?

WitchsCat
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11 Jun 2014, 8:17 pm

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

? George Carlin

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naturalplastic
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13 Jun 2014, 4:04 pm

Jijifranko wrote:

MonsterGuy wrote:

Who? And what?

Are they a double act?

Triple!

Who plays on First, What is on Second Base, and I Don't Know is on Third!

TheHermit
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18 Jun 2014, 5:27 am

luanqibazao wrote:

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

? Steven Wright

I bought a pack of batteries. They weren't included.

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TheHermit
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18 Jun 2014, 5:30 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMUiwTubYu0[/youtube]

stardraigh
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18 Jun 2014, 7:33 am

If it wasn't for my horse (Giddy up Giddy up, lets go) I wouldn't have been able to attend college last year(A degree granting institution) -- Lewis Black.

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Ohisee
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20 Jun 2014, 7:24 am

I couldn`t do a cart wheel to save my life....... When would it?

Carl Barron

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