Have most aspies dreamed of getting into show business?

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I'm a TV extra. Most fun I've had in a job, ever, and that includes vacuuming.

One day I will build Australia's first Hollywood.

Any suggestions on what I could call it? (preferably nothing ending in 'wood' as it's been done ad nauseum).

I loved singing and acting. I was told I was quite good. I had a few professional offers as a teen. But I was afraid of what becoming good at that profession would mean- the constant uncertainty of employment because of auditions, interacting with crowds of people without a script, interviews by journalists, having to sign things and talk to people, constantly running short on sleep, always being surrounded by people with no alone time, having to cold call agents and managers and directors and such, missing some subtle cue or forgetting some unfamiliar nicety and having to deal with the resulting social backlash, the bright stage and camera lights, the noise, the uncomfortable clothes i'd have to wear, the uncomfortable/painful cosmetic procedures I'd have to endure, etc. It all seemed quite terrifying and the absolute opposite of what I wanted for my life.

I totally relate to this. Thank God for Youtube.

I’ve always loved writing and TV, so since I was a child I always wanted to be a screen writer for a television series. Unfortunately, where I come from, you can only study this kind of subject in a private university, which is very expensive and something I could never afford. So, I had to give up on that dream years ago. Additionally, I’m not sure if working in the writers’ room with a big group of other writers would have been something, I would have felt comfortable with.

It wasn't my wish but I always thought I was "born to be famous" because everyone seemed to know me and I had no idea who they were. I thought what makes people famous later in life is that trait of being known by strangers even as a child. It was a fact for me, just like "sky is blue".
Other people were also often telling me I would be a good actor because I could easily change my expression to whatever I was told to. I could even cry at call.
Remembering texts was also no problem for me. I could always recite and sing from memory.

Now I know I was "famous" because I was a weird kid and I know had no idea who others were because I have prospagnosia.
And while I still can change my expression easily I find it exaggerated. I know can't make natural, toned expression most people do - my expressions are theatric.
But I have stage fright so I can't even be a theatric actor.

Bottom line, do you like acting?

If you do, you can't let a bit of stage fright stop you. A lot of famous performers have had it.

Can I like something that makes me all shaky, anxious and unable to think? Besides, I am not that good. There are higher expectations for adults. My acting skills are primary school level.

I could sing or recite in front on my class(because I could focus on my memory) and I even wanted to join school chorus(I didn't know how, I thought they just look at your music grades and ask you if you want to join but noone ever asked me despite having straight A) but I was to afraid to "make scenes" from lectures in front of my class with a partner(because I would have to focus on his reactions and sometimes improvise) and when my class was making a show in front of the whole school I wrote a text but another girl was assigned to read it because the teacher supposed I won't be able to make in front of so many people(because I had trouble giving presentations in front of my own class). I was staying behind the scenes and acting as a sufler instead - when someone forgot what they are supposed to say I was whispering it.
As for school presentations I had to be with a partner - they were saying it at first and I was taking it from there once they got stuck. If I were there alone I was totally stuck and I couldn't even start although once I started it was going from there pretty easily.

And to be honest I have trouble deciding what I like and what I don't like. There are stuff I am good at and what I am bad at. But like/dislike? I can't really say. Perhaps because people were always making fun of or had huge expectations for what I liked so I learned not to admit I like anything.

My dream job is to be a cartoonist or a writer for a cartoon someday.

Hmm, it sounds like you have low self-confidence. This is normal considering what you've been through. I'm sorry all that happened to you. Teasing is no fun, I know; I've had plenty of it in my life. I also understand what you mean by not really knowing what you like. It may be because you actually don't know, or it may be because the thing you would really love you have shut up inside your heart and locked away, out of fear.

If the first case is true for you, you have no choice but to continue on and try different things. Eventually, you will find something you really love, and you'll know it for sure.

If it's the second case, though, you have a choice. You can choose to actively pursue what's in your heart, or you can ignore it. Speaking from experience, ignoring it won't make you happy. But on a positive note, with time, a person's confidence blossoms; they get to a stage where they really don't care what others think of them. They realise what's most important is how happy they are with the life they're living. That moment will come for you, too. When it does, anything you've been longing to do and putting off will resurface and prompt you to do it, no matter what.

I hope what I've said doesn't offend you in any way. It just bums me out when I see other people going through what I went through, but there is a solution, and if I have some advice, I am compelled to share it to help them.

Here's a question for you: When you were behind the curtain whispering people's lines to them, how did you feel? Were you bored? Excited about your role? Envious of their role? Scared of their role, but also fantasising about what it would be like?

The answer to that question will tell you whether or not you would love acting. Forget the fear and anxiety; they can both be dealt with, ignored and even put aside, with the right training. Yes, you can, actually, ignore fear. You cannot ignore what's in your heart.

If I were to say what I like enough to pursue it despite anxieties I would say I like repairing stuff(phones, computers, furniture) and teaching people - but I don't want to be a teacher because giving a presentation in front of 30 high schoolers scares me(I was never able to give such presentations). I would prefer to be an assistant teacher. You know, one of those who sits in the classroom and helps kids who have troubles while the main teacher goes with the lesson. Or a private tutor for 1-4 kids(I was tutoring math to 3 classmates when I were in high school). Or someone teaching elderly people how to use phones/computers. Or someone who helps people choose the best mobile offer for their needs. Or someone at the helpdesk. But I hate making and taking phone calls...



When I was behind curtain I was quite happy that I am able to help them so they don't get embarrassed and I actually made myself the sufler(my idea) because originally I was just supposed to stand there with the plan and make sure they get on scene in right order - but it was boring and I was afraid I might lose focus so I gave myself another task to keep me focused on the play.

I was a bit jealous that another girl was reading my text (possessiveness, "It's my text, not hers! People will think it's hers!") but it wasn't a strong feeling - and I was happy enough my text even made it there because 17 people wrote the texts and only 4 were read on stage(the other 3 were read by people who wrote them). And even this was pretty embarrassing because I wondered if my text doesn't stand out too much and people aren't going to laugh at her (I was worried she will get embarrassed because of me). All texts were modifications of a single poem/song and my text was the only one which kept the original rhythm, with changed meaning. Other texts also had changed meaning but lost the rhythm - they either had no rhymes or random, disorganized rhymes. I wondered if I took the task too seriously or something. But if my text wasn't what teacher wanted us to do he wouldn't choose it from the 17 available, right?

It definitely sounds like your text was awesome and the teacher was very happy with it.

Based on your answers, I would say you'd do quite well as an assistant teacher or tech tutor. Maybe in your spare time you could write (prose, poetry, screenplays, etc), as it sounds like you have quite a lot of talent. And the beauty of that is that you don't have to stand in front on anyone, and your work could still impact lives.

I’m sorry to barge in, but reading this it reminded me very much of my own experience and I just felt that I had to give my two cents.

There’s such a HUGHE difference between teaching a small group of 4 people or a big one with around 30. That’s what I struggle with now. I love children and I like to work with them and teach them stuff, so since my dream of becoming a screen writer was rather unrealistic, I thought that becoming a teacher was a logical conclusion. When I was in university and was having internships in schools, I hardly ever stood in front of a whole class but instead I had to work with small groups of children who needed to have special tutoring when the actual teachers had to work with their class and couldn’t concentrate on the children with “special needs” (most of the time they were refugee children who needed tutoring in foreign language acquisition). I worked with small groups that had 2-5 children and I loved it so much. I had so much fun and I was very happy with working with small groups and/or supporting the teacher in class.
Well, but now that the university part of my training is over and I have to deal with the “practical” part and teach alone in front of a whole class every day, it’s just like a horrible nightmare. It’s not even the problem with talking in front of a crowd (I mean, I do have a problem with that, but not in front of children and since I’m working in a primary school it’s not the same thing as talking in front of adults), it’s more the fact that having to work with and interact with 25-30 people at the same time is far too overwhelming – especially if it’s children who are not very interested in learning but want to play instead. Your eyes and attention have to be everywhere at once. It’s like my brain is exploding or sometimes just stops working or slows down because there are just too many impressions and I just can’t concentrate. Or when something unexpected happens (which happens almost every lesson, since that’s how it is with children) I get totally lost because you have to be able to reorganize all your plans spontaneously – which I’m very bad at.

So, if you have the possibility to work as an assistant teacher, I would definitely recommend that. I wished I had decided to do that instead. Since I my country it requires a totally different university education, I can’t just switch now. I guess teaching elderly people might be nice, as well. They probably wouldn’t behave like the bag of fleas like my first graders do…

LoveStories, I know exactly what you mean. I left teaching because of this same reason; too many humans to keep an eye on at once. And it's not necessarily easier with adults because they like to interrupt too, and think they have a God-given right lol. Can I ask, why is it too late to change your degree? If you loved being a special ed teacher so much, why don't you pursue it?

Well, I guess, it’s not impossible in my position, but it’s very, very difficult – especially from a financial point of view. I would have to go to university again and start to study this subject from the very beginning, which would take at least five years (most likely 6). Since I’m becoming 30 this year and after university you have to have one and a half year as an apprentice in school (which I’m doing right now as a primary school teacher), before you are ready. This would mean that I would be in my mid or rather late thirties until I could really start working in this job. But until then, there are so many things that have to be paid like rent, insurances, food etc. Of course, I can take small jobs while studying. I did so, when I was studying before, but it was a real struggle and I was living even far below the limit of someone who is unemployed and gets welfare. And as the social and economic situation has developed, I wouldn’t even be able to do it as I did last time, because the rents and health insurance fees have risen drastically. Especially the rents have become so expensive that – even though as a trainee in school I earn more than I ever did while I was in university – I have to live at my parents’ house again, because with the payment I get I wouldn’t be able to afford even the smallest flat.
But my parents don’t have much money either, so I can’t expect them to let me live with them and feed me for no money until I’m 37 or something (right now I’m paying them a small rent. I covers most of the costs of me living with them, but is far below anything I would have to pay elsewhere).
Of course, if I continue to fail my tests or my mental health grows worse (I used to have depression when I was younger, and now with all of this social stress and pressure and the constant fear of failure many of those symptoms have come back) I would have to start anew anyway, but because of the costs, everyone expects me to start an apprenticeship that doesn’t need to have university education but enables you to earn money right away (unfortunately, I’m somebody who prefers theoretical or intellectual work and fails at practical stuff, so most of these jobs aren’t really cut out for me…).

I know what you mean, LoveStories. I'm going through a lot of the same.

The cost of living has gone up so much recently that I'm surprised people are actually pulling through. I never fail to be amazed at the strength of the human spirit.

When things get tough for me, I just remind myself of how many people fail to achieve their goals every year. That motivates me much more than thinking about the ones who achieve their goals and make breakthroughs. I think because it puts the numbers in perspective and stops me from becoming complacent.

Not really, I don't particularly like the idea of being in the spot light, seems like it would be overwhelming, I suppose if I had really developed a passion for acting or something I may have been willing to endure it but I've never really been that interested. I appreciate good acting but I wouldn't want to do it...I mean if I got an opportunity to be an extra or something in a movie or show that might be kind of cool but I wouldn't want to do any major roles or anything.

My youngest brother however is very interested in acting, and he's been in drama programs to learn acting for quite a while. I haven't seen a lot of his acting but what I have seen is good, he's either 14 or 15 I can never remember lol...but yeah I think he could get somewhere with it, though I realize becoming a successful actor can be difficult as there are tons of people who want to do that but not everyone makes it.