Worst Films you've ever seen

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Ebola Syndrome - Herman Yau 1996

Old School (2003)
Crass, infantile and derivative

Tall Girl (2019) (Spoilers, but you're better off not seeing this film anyway).

There isn't much to say about this film. It was so dull. The movie is about a girl who is taller than average (she's 6'1...so three inches taller than me). Apparently it's a comedy but I wouldn't have known without looking up the genre.

This film is so lacking in substance that I wanted to give up on it. Our main character is about as compelling as a piece of cardboard. You don't learn much about her except that she plays piano, likes the musical Guys And Dolls, and is moody because she feels as though no one will ever accept her since she's tall.

She's conventionally attractive, lives in a nice house, and doesn't seem to have any problems except people make fun of her for being tall. That's it. So she comes across as unnecessarily self-pitying. The insults people use against her aren't even good. In one scene she says that she wants to be like Taylor Swift and her rival says "Taylor Swift? More like Taller Swift!" then the rest of the class laughs as if that's supposed to be a devastating insult.

In one scene the main character complains that she'll never find a guy tall enough to date her. Which is rather strange to me. I know plenty of guys who could easily match her height. You expect me to believe that every guy in her entire school year happens to be shorter than her? Really? All of them? I find that highly unlikely. There's another scene where she narrates "You think you have problems?" to the audience and then complains about having to wear men's shoes because she has big feet.

Then there's the male best friend character. I don't like him. Most of the movie is him complaining about being repeatedly rejected by the main character because he's shorter than her. There isn't anything else to his character. Just "my attractive friend who I've been best friends with for a while won't notice me! This is so unfair! Woe is me! I'm such a nice guy and I even bring a milk crate with me to stand on in case she ever does kiss me". I mean, who even does that? So strange. Move on already, dude.

So, the conflict happens when an exchange student who is taller than the main character shows up. All the girls fight over this new guy. The best friend just happens to end up living with this exchange student, because of course he does. So he gets jealous and purposefully tries to ruin the exchange student's chances with her since if he can't date the main character, no one can.

Why am I supposed to be routing for this character? I was actually hoping they wouldn't get together. However, because this is a teen drama / comedy (apparently) of course they do. Everything about this movie is bland and makes so much out of nothing. I didn't care about any of the characters because even calling them characters is generous since I know very little about anyone in this film. Why did anyone think this was a good idea?

Field Freak.

Dismal attempt at making a horror/comedy. The shoestring budget could be overlooked if the writing and acting weren't so God awfully terrible! Plus, the movie has The. Worst. Bigfoot. Costume. Ever.

Spectral:
I know that Hollywood never gets anything about science right, but this is amazing. The premise is that evil phantoms are attacking people and freezing them from the inside out, which they can do because (brace yourself)... they're really BECs. That's right. Bose-Einstein Condensates. A whole fourth state of matter. That's different from solid, liquid, or gas. (They never mention plasma.) I lost track of the number of times some horrified/awestruck person said that. Note that they never address how the BEC is moving (beyond a hilarious twist at the end), how it can exist outside of a lab, or why it's being weaponized when there are surely cheaper and better methods. It's also vulnerable to ceramic and certain sound frequencies for some reason. You know, like how all gas is vulnerable to copper?
Scientific inaccuracies aside, this hits every stupid action movie cliché in the book, right down to the young, hot, idealistic scientist who somehow got a job in the upper echelons of the DoD even though he thinks the military is evil and killing is wrong. It's the best "so bad it's good" movie of all time, hands down.

I don't know what would be the worst movie I've ever seen. I guess Body Melt would rank up there, but I love it anyway for the body horror (I do think it was misnamed, though - only one of the ten afflicted people does any actual melting. Still plenty gooey, gory, and gross, though.). But I will never call it a good movie, because it isn't. It's three or four different stories badly put together, major flaws throughout (such as a family of four staying at a resort, three of them die but the daughter lives, they were supposedly infected by the food at the resort, which they clearly show her eating too), lots of gross-out stuff, a good bit of sex/nudity... basically the only thing you get from it is that Vimuville is bad news one way or another and the results aren't pretty.

I think my mom's pick would be Blue Velvet. I haven't seen it to comment, but she calls it two hours (or an hour and a half, or however long the movie is, I forgot) of her life that she'll never get back. But she is also a fan of "so bad it's good" movies, her favorites include Sharknado and Pacific Rim.

If we're talking about movies most people consider bad, I'll list Howard The Duck & Death Bed The Bed That Eats. I really liked both movies.

If we're talking films so bad they are good, then I'd like to put in a vote for the mullet-heavy Lethal Weapon rip-off Samurai Cop A film you will never, ever forget. A film which has more bad hair continuity, embarrassing dialogue and childish fight choreography than you can shake a katana at.

I also enjoy the budget horror Basket Case which makes great (or is that grating) use of non-actors.. Look out for the old lady shouting "He's in here! He's in here!"


I recently made a little homage to crappy 70s / 80s horrors on my YouTube channel - to pass the time in Lockdown:

I'm a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Bad movies are my life.

"Cannibal Girls", a 1973 Canadian independent comedy horror film, directed by Ivan Reitman and starring Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, and Ronald Ulrich.

I love this classic pile of garbage.