Favorite quotes from movies you like

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I feel like sharing my favorite quotes from the movie Mozart and the Whale today. I would like to read your favorites too.

So here they are (at least some of them):

Donald: (about Isabelle): What did you say to her?
Gregory: I said I was a writer but she shouldn't read my oeuvres, as it repels women
Donald: and men


Donald: Excuse me. Do you know when the next bus, uh 217, runs?
Man at bus stop: Sorry.
Donald: I'm chasing someone.
Man at bus stop: By bus?
Donald: Well, it's important.
Man at bus stop: Important enough to take the bus?
Donald: Yeah. My girlfriend left me because I wanted to get married and she wanted to stay just friends.
Man at bus stop: Ah. The slower this chase, the better.
Donald: Yeah.


Isabelle: All this time, and you didn't call.
Donald: I was gonna call.
Isabelle: You were?
Donald: Well just to tell you that I wasn't gonna call so that you wouldn't be aggravated, sitting around waiting and wondering when I was
Isabelle: gonna call?
Donald: Yeah. But in the end I figured that forcing myself into your life was probably not right. I would always do that. So the only nice thing I had left to give was just not to call.
Isabelle: I hated you for not calling. Because you were always gonna be there, and when you weren't, it was as if you didn't love me anymore.
Donald: So go home, I'll call ya.


Gregory (talking to Donald about Isabelle): you both have Aspergers, you both share the same language of emotional dysfunction whereas I on the other hand just irritate the s**t out of everyone, even you


Isabelle: (in Donald's apt for the 1st time): You said your mom died ... you did bury her?
Donald: yeah
Isabelle: just checking

This is out of memory from Brain of Blood so it may not be precise.

Mohammed - Doctor, Amir is a legend in Khalid. Without him we'd be just another poor country struggling with centuries of stagnant feudalism. He must live on, he must! But if the people were to find out that we have deceived them? Allah!

Dr. Trenton - We will not fail! What I plan to perform is a highly dangerous, even illegal surgical experiment... there is not one chance of failure!

From Pulp Fiction (1994)

Jules: I'm not giving you that money. I'm buying something from you. Wanna know what I'm buyin' Ringo?

Pumpkin: What?

Jules: Your life. I'm givin' you that money so I don't have to kill your ass. You read the Bible?

Pumpkin: Not regularly.

Jules: There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now... I been sayin' that s**t for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a Motherf***er before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some s**t this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that s**t ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

From "Snatch":

Brick Top: Go and put the kettle on...
Turkish: Do you take sugar?
Brick Top: No thank you, Turkish.... I'm sweet enough.


Sol: What's that?
Vinny: Heh-heh. This is a shotgun, Sol.
Sol: It's a f*****g anti-aircraft gun, Vincent!
Vinny: Yeah, I wanna raise some pulses, don't I?
Sol: You'll raise hell, never mind pulses!

Actually, almost every line in this movie is quote-worthy, so I just point everyone to its page at WikiQuote

[from True Grit]-
Ned Pepper: What's your intention? Do you think one on four is a dogfall?
Rooster Cogburn: I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned. Or see you hanged in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which'll it be?
Ned Pepper: I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.
Rooster Cogburn: Fill your hands, you son of a b***h!

[from "Blazing Saddles"]-
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Taggart: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?

[from "Dr. Strangelove"]
General Jack D. Ripper: Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face. Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: [very nervous] Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I... no, no. I don't, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen... tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?
General Jack D. Ripper: [somewhat embarassed] Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.
General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.

I think I'll go with the movie "Without a Clue" for a start:

Holmes: An occasional libation enables me to stiffen my resolve.
Mrs. Hudson: Your resolve should be pickled by now!

Watson: I'll ask you once more: Are you coming with me?
Holmes: I would rather waltz naked through the fires of Hell.

Holmes: It wasn't YOU he tried to kill!
Watson: Think man, think... Who was SUPPOSED to be in that room?
Holmes: That's right! You were!
Watson: Moriarty knows... I'm am the only match for his evil genius.
Holmes: You mean he's not trying to kill me?
Watson: Of course not. He knows you're an idiot.
Holmes: Oh, thank God.

Holmes: How can I be expected to maintain the character when you belittle me in front of those hooligans?
Watson: Character? Are we talking about the same man who once declared with total conviction that the late Colonel Howard had been bludgeoned to death with a blunt *excrement*?
Holmes: Is it my fault you have such poor handwriting?

Lord Smithwick: And I don't have to tell you what that would mean.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes you do.

And something a bit older... "My Man Godfrey":

Blake: Take a look at the dizzy old gal with the goat.
Alexander Bullock: I've had to look at her for 20 years - that's MRS. Bullock!
Blake: I'm terribly sorry!
Alexander Bullock: How do you think I feel?

Alexander Bullock: Life in this family is one subpoena after another.

Detective: [notices Carlo by the french doors] Who's that?
Irene: It's mother's protegé.
Detective: No wisecracks. Is that your son?
Alexander Bullock: That? Say, listen. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I'll be hanged if I'll plead guilty to that!

Godfrey: Hasn't anyone ever told you about certain proprieties?
Irene: You use such lovely big words. I like big words. What does it mean?
Godfrey: Well, I'll try to simplify it. Hasn't your mother or anyone ever explained to you that some things are proper and some things are not?
Irene: No she hasn't. She rambles on quite a bit, but then she never has anything to say.

Thanks for posting everyone, they're all great!

From "Forbidden Zone"

Rene Henderson: "The queen said she was going to ream us with twenty inch cattle prods and I'm still waiting!"

From "The Big Lebowski"

Walter: "Say what you will about the tennants of National Socialism, at least it's an ethos"

Alice in Wonderland (2010):

Mad Hatter: Have I gone... mad?
Alice: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret: all the best people are.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005):

Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible! But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Edward Scissorhands:

Bill Boggs: Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.

Bill Boggs: Soup's on!
Edward: [with his mouth full] I thought this was shishkabob.
Bill Boggs: What?
Edward: I thought this was shishkabob.
Bill Boggs: It's a figure of speech, Ed. You've got to learn not to take things so literally.

Kim: Hold me.
Edward: I can't.

Sweeney Todd:

Sweeney Todd: [holding up his razor] At last! My arm is complete again!

Sweeney Todd: There are two kinds of men, and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and one with his foot in the other man's face.

"Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHIIIING!"
-Mugatu - Zoolander

As I was reading your quotes from Johnny Depp movies, I realise how much I also enjoy them, he always adds his own "touch" and personality to any movie he is in. Here is another one of his I watched recently, Sleepy Hollow:

I think those 2 scenes are especially funny compared to each other:

Ichabod Crane: You believe the father killed her?
Samuel Philipse: The Horseman killed her.
Ichabod Crane: How often do I have to tell you? There is no Horseman, never was a Horseman, and never will be a Horseman.
[Pulls a pendant off of The Magistrate's neck]
Ichabod Crane: What is that thing?
Samuel Philipse: It's my talisman. It protects me from the Horseman.

versus:

Ichabod Crane: It was a headless horseman.
Baltus Van Tassel: You must not excite yourself.
Ichabod Crane: But it was a headless horseman.
Baltus Van Tassel: Of course it was. That's why you're here.
Ichabod Crane: No, you must believe me. It was a horseman, a dead one. Headless.
Baltus Van Tassel: I know, I know.
Ichabod Crane: You don't know because you were not there. It's all true.
Baltus Van Tassel: Of course it is. I told you. Everyone told you.
Ichabod Crane: I... saw him. [faints]

And the one I thought was one the funniest (and so obvious lol):

Young Masbath: (talking about the horseman): Is he dead?
Ichabod Crane: That's the problem. He was dead to begin with.

Good calls - I absolutely love this movie.

Since I'm on a huge X-Files kick lately..

From Fight The Future:

Scully: Any thoughts as to why anybody would be growing corn in the middle of the desert?
Mulder: Those could be giant Jiffy-Pop poppers.

Mulder: I'm the key figure in an ongoing government charade, the plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy, actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet, so, of course, no one believes me. I'm an annoyance to my superiors, a joke to my peers. They call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder, whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and who now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun, shouting to the heavens or to anyone who will listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling and when it hits it's gonna be the sh*t-storm of all time.

From I Want To Believe
Scully: What are you doing?
Mulder: Trying to ignore you.

Skinner: I know Mulder. He'd get to a phone and call first. He wouldn't do anything crazy.
[Scully stares at him]
Skinner: Well, not *overly* crazy.

For me, it's Brick Top's "Do you know what Nemisis means?" line, has me in stitches all the time

Aliens:(1986)

Hudson: I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT wanna f**k with me. Check it out! Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Vwap! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks...

Hudson: Hey, Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Vasquez: No, have you?


Bishop: I may be synthetic, but im not stupid.


Ripley: You know, Burke, i don't know which species is worse. You don't see "them" f**king each other over for a goddamn percentage.


Vasquez: Look, man, i only need to know one thing. Where they are.


The Silence of the Lambs: (1991)

Hannibal Lecter: You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the FBI.

this one line beats all.