What TV ads teach us

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- Only women eat yoghurt
- No parents are ever frustrated when their four year old son walks all over the recently cleaned floor with dirty shoes
- After sunset, only one car is allowed on the road
- All cars have pricey navigation systems, ICE with full surround from Bose and 18" alloy wheels
- All cell phones are iPhones

Any more cliches?

Well, do you really want to see a cleaning spray ad where the mother slaps her 5 year old in the face before wiping up the mess he made?

That people of all mixed races get together routinely after work to enjoy some beers, even it means just standing around mindlessly watching some people play video games as if they have nothing better to do.

Too many to list.

I swear they're not really selling a product, but a "lifestyle" and how you should "think". Well, they can just shove it. Most if not all of them manage to annoy me in some way.

And no, I don't want your dried-up old biscuits for breakfast, ta very much!

When guys get together to watch a football game and drink beer, they are all neatly dressed, in a clean house watching a big screen tv, and nobody gets so drunk they pass out before the game starts.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

People drink from toilet bowls so they must be kept blindingly white, germ free and hygienic.

Every used car sold by a Spanish-speaking salesman comes with a voluptuous Latina in a tight, skimpy, mini-dress.

Guys are obsessed with sex but will forego it to watch football or drink beer.

Anyone with a scientific career in an ad will have a bad haircut and dreadful clothes, unless he's a doctor.

Mothers are always married.

Single women in ads tend to have jobs they never do in real life while looking drop-dead gorgeous doing them.

Beer makes any event fun.

The only people who eat at fast food restaurants are skinny.

Any time I drive a car, my experience will be narrated by an older character actor.

All highways are empty, so it's easy to drive on them.

All minivans have so much space, I can fit seven people, three coolers, a bicycle, a kayak, a bag of soccer equipment, a carseat, lawn chairs and a boogie board inside, with room to spare.

Nobody is surprised by a talking gecko.

Rather than listen to women, men would prefer to watch football, hang out with their friends, eat chips/crackers/burgers/tacos, or look at their phones.

But men will buy women diamonds when they are in love.

Women deeply enjoy cleaning.

Women are bothered that men don't listen to them, but only vaguely, and it mostly just makes them laugh.

If men would simply wear deodorant, beautiful women will embrace them.

Brooms and mops clean everything with one light swoop.

If you take a picture of yourself one day, you'll look sad and slouchy. But if you take another picture of yourself 90 days later, you will smile and stand up straight.

The elderly are either hilarious or extremely sad.

Offices are either labor-intensive cube farms, or the perfect environment for goofing off.

Cookies are made by elves.

It's important to close my eyes and smile while biting into hamburgers or drinking sodas.

Immediately after middle aged people take medicine, they like to go outside and barbecue or hang out on the beach with their spouses or families.

If you don't switch to Capital One, Vikings will get you.

It's perfectly okay for me to approach someone and ask them to break me off a piece of their Kit Kat bar.

If I am injured in an accident, a man standing in front of a bookcase will help me receive money.

Any movie coming out this weekend will contain explosions.

I will never work out as much as professional athletes, or former professional athletes.

Candy will explode with actual pieces of fruit when I bite into it.

Girls having their "monthlies" are super happy, wear white, laugh a lot, and twirl around constantly.

Men with erectile dysfunction like to go antique shopping with their wives while holding their hands.

Some people literally spend years looking for the right mattress.

Men who need to shave have absolutely no facial hair to begin with.

Stunningly attractive people are waiting patiently to talk to me on the telephone.

Bars are populated almost entirely by attractive young people, who all drink only one kind of alcoholic beverage.

And my personal favorite... Clearly, everyone has an orgasm when they eat chocolate.

In ads for cleaning products, women are super-capable domestic goddesses who do all the chores with a smile, and men are useless slobby buffoons.

And somehow these men and women manage to have lasting happy marriages.

And in the ads for those digestive yoghurts, ladies-who-lunch discuss the workings of their bowels over the dinner table.

They taught me to use DVR if I want to watch TV without constant interruptions

Dying your hair the same colour as your natural hair coloir is so much better for it
Hair only looks good when it has shape, used with hair gel/spray
Shampoos and conditioners can help to "repair" your hair
The best clothes to buy are the ones that look almost the same - just plain with hardly any shape, or too much shape
Every single car/home/pet insurance company can save you the most money!

A young baker's boy on a strong metal bike with a Wicker basket with deliver your bread up a hill like feels like t'top of t'world.

Nipping out for bread may involve crossing timezones.

All the kids from 1 school look like a The Shadows cover band.

Labradors will nick your bog roll, A bulldog lives with Martin Clunes, A sheepdog will watch you paint.

A meercat will give you Qvick deal on your car insurance.

A bottle of washing up liquid will last almost forever.

The cliche that women can tell the difference between "white", and "whiter than white" seems to have died out.

When a group of White guys drink beer- a group of sexy young women will materialize out ouf nowhere. But when a group of Black guys drink beer - an angry brahma bull magically appears - and procedes to tear up the house trying to kill them!

Perscription meds will change your life in ways so positive and powerful that it will be worth the risk of getting: tremours, insomnia, a certain birthdefect if handled by pregnant women (or by women who could become pregnant), thoughts of depression, thoughts of suicide, psychosis, and...the sudden urge to engage in: drinking, drug use, promiscuous sex, or to run off to Vegas to gamble!

Commercials are still really sexist, aren't they?

-In cold pill commercials, a man will whimper and wine about his sniffles until his wife tells him to take whatever medicine. Then afterwards he looks and acts like the perfect picture of health even if he couldn't get out of bed ten seconds ago. The wife/mom is always sweet and kind to her family when they are sick, and is never stressed out or sick herself. That is because she is a robot, and is unable to catch germs (theory).

-If the lady of the house IS sick, however, the husband and kids will act like she has the plague, or will try to run the household themselves, usually with hilariously disasterous results. Or the mother takes the medicine when she is feeling a cold coming on because she "doesn't have time" for it because she always has a billion things to do. Not like the dad though, he gets to go to fancy parties or go snowboarding and stuff, she has to drive the kids to school than go to work and be a general slave...

-There is absolutely no cereal in the world that isn't so amazingly delicious the father goes to great lengths to avoid sharing it with his kids, like hiding under the floor, locking himself in the car, or making up a crazy story about why they won't like it ("it's not Oatmeal Crisp, it's GOAT-meal Crisp, it's like, food for goats")

-Whenever someone eats something crunchy it is deafeningly loud, not just to them but the whole world as it send shock waves through the planet. And induce mysophonia, the extreme hatred of such noise, in viewers.

-Cats and dogs will always eat crunchy dry pet food, however, and not make a sound. They have better table manners than the humans on TV!

-Immediately after they show someone doing a stunt they will tell you, in tiny print at the bottom of the screen, not to attempt it yourself. Because you're stupid and may get yourself killed, that's what they're implying.

-When a video game is in a commercial that isn't for video games they will always sound like the old Atari Pac-Man, even if the console or controllers shown look up to date.

-Mothers always make breakfast for their kids on school mornings, even when they are teenagers, because they obviously have no clue how to pour themselves some cereal or peanut butter their own toast.

-Cats will do anything to get that cat treat, including smashing through walls and doors at high speed, and its owner doesn't mind the property damage, in fact they will show it off to their neighbors. My two cats love Whiskas Temptations but I don't think they even CAN break through a door when they hear me shake the packet.

-Chocolate bars are always made by taking the inside part and then plunging it horizontally into a pool of sinful chocolatey goodness where they show the splash in slow motion... it's like a beer commercial, but almost always aimed at women. In fact just writing about it is making me... *drool*

-Tampons will give you the magical ability to do amazing things during your period that I normally can't do even when I'm not having my period! Horseback riding? I don't think I could even get ON the animal without great effort!

-People who stay up very late watching Seinfeld reruns are very depressed, have moderate to severe asthma, arthritis, diabetes, or need to discuss their future with a psychic. People who watch TV during the afternoon are either unemployed and therefor "worthless", or not at work because they've been in a terrible accident and need to make everyone else pay for your suffering.

-Perscription eye drops that can give you cateracts and glaucoma is a fair trade for itchy, watery eyes caused by allergies.

-Antibacterial products always kill 99.9% of bacteria... of course there is never any mention that there is also good bacteria
and that the bad bacteria may eventually become resistant and then nothing will kill it. Of course, when I was a kid I used to hear the same thing about bug spray, that harmful bugs would eventually become immune to it, but the helpful bugs would naturally all die from the sprays, so I really don't know...

-Air fresheners will release pretty flowers and sparkly things that float around your home along with their ecstacy-inducing scent.

TV ads generally teach me that my temper problem shows no signs of going away.

I learned from TV ads that...

... Any problem can be solved in 60 seconds or less.

... Everybody's bedroom measures 30 x 30 feet (~9.1 x 9.1 meters).

... 4 out of 5 physicians wear a stethoscope draped around their necks.

... Once applied, makeup will never come off, except with ordinary soap and water.

... A parking space will always be available to a person who just bought a new car.

... Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order.

... Alcohol only improves life, and never ruins it.

... Everybody's kitchen is either sparkling clean, or will be in about 30 seconds.

... Families typically sit on just three sides of the supper table.

... Cars always stay clean, turn sharp, and start on the first try.

... The more blades on my razor, the more often attractive women will caress my face.

... If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

... The newest kitchen gadgets will automatically improve my cooking.

... Any ballot proposition will ruin our country forever, whether or not it passes.

... It is possible to drive safely for long periods without ever looking at the road ahead.

... Cats are always hungry, and will eat anything you put in front of them.

... Only the prettiest women do housework.

... The deadly secret in your own home is worth warning you about, but only after 11:00 pm.

If you can sing you can make magic happen.