Black Metal Musical:
Think about it--a bleak, bloody musical with songs created by Dimmu Borgir. (Yeah, I knot they're not really black metal. Sue me. I would say Cradle of Filth but after "Thornography" I've lost faith in their ability to make good music. Heheh.) With a dark fantasy setting that combined various staples of Black Metal--from Vikings to demons to succubi to Christian-bashing--into a cohesive story of corruption and decadence.
Neil Gaiman's The Sandman, as directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp:
First of all, ignore that sh***y ass Sandman script that (thankfully) never got turned into a film. If there was a Sandman film that was actually true to the source material, and of course was a great film in its own right, would that not be wonderful? Plus, Burton and Depp are the perfect team for this one. A well done "American Gods" movie would also kick ass, though that's something I'd trust in different hands.
A GOOD American McGee's Alice film:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lG_-3T1Tljw[/youtube]
If only the real thing wasn't going to star Buffy and be directed by the f**** who did "Pathfinder." Then again, it's likely this film will never actually get made.
Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money:
But only if it was written and directed by Mel Brooks.
Grim Fandango, done by Pixar:
But only if it was true to the game.
The Sims: The Movie:
This would be the strangest film since "Speed Racer." I'd watch this one with morbid fascination. It would play out like those advertisements for the game:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbaPLA6f0go[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk2zsd2sq7U[/youtube]
Sorry, but for some reason, I think it would be a disturbingly hilarious film.
David Firth Takes the Silver Screen:
David Firth doing a full length animated movie? Dude, that would be so awesome!
Marilyn Manson's Holy Wood:
There was supposed to be a film of "Holy Wood" at some point (based on his book of the same name, which he never finished writing). It'll probably never happen, especially since Manson is apparently busy with "Phantasmagoria" right now (which I really hope kicks ass). But if it did, it could have been a pretty kewl film. I'd say a Marilyn Manson biopic in itself could be cool, if it was done right--though it would be even better if it focused less on him as a person and instead treated him as an actual demon superstar, getting caught up in the mythology that exists within the universe of his music.
Thunderbolts:
This was one of the best, most underrated comics ever written. At first, it follows a team of supervillains, who pose as heroes to earn the world's trust, so as to make it possible to betray them. But then some of them start to realize that, well, they kinda like being heroes, and those who wish to carry on with the plan turn against those who wish to reform and become heroes. But by then, the world has already found out about them, and no longer trusts any of them. Forced to run from and face off against supervillains and superheroes alike, the Thunderbolts had one of the most interesting tales in comics. And those characters! Songbird! Mach-1! Techno! Ah, if they made this into a great film, it would be a great thing indeed...granted the story would have to be changed dramatically to allow for a film, but if the core moments were in there and the characters were done right that would be fine.
A kickass HP Lovecraft film:
-Bring in H.R. Giger do the creature designs!
-Have Chris Cunningham direct the special effects!
-Have the main director be either David Fincher ("Fight Club," "Se7en," "Zodiac") or Frank Darabont ("The Mist," "The Shawshank Redemption," "The Green Mile"--"The Mist" being the main draw here)
-Give it a $250 million budget
-Make it 3 hours long. It needs to be colassal. You need to make the audience feel like ants, and a gigantic running time would only intensify that feeling.
-Stay true to the Mythos but don't follow one particular story, since no single Lovecraft story lends itself particularly well to a film
-Don't overdo the gore--that wasn't what Lovecraft was about, even if all the decent Lovecraft films ("Re-Animator," "Dagon") are all quite gory.
-KEEP IN THE MADNESS FACTOR. If the main character hasn't gone completely insane by the end of it it has failed as a Lovecraft adaptation.
-DON'T make the cast be a bunch of f***ing teenagers.
-DON'T modernize it. Keep it in Lovecraft's period.
-Get a cast that can actually ACT (and by that I don't just mean look pretty and scream).
-Have many horrific looking beasties from Lovecraft's monster gallery: Shoggoths, Dagon, Deep Ones, The King In Yellow, Nightgaunts, and of course the Great Cthulhu himself.
-There would be no happy ending here--in the end, all the main characters would be either dead or insane.
20 Apr 2008, 6:26 pm
