Forgetting Sarah Marshall

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I just saw this film and it seems to depict the horror of sex better than anything I've ever seen. There's more sex scenes in the thing than in your average Cinemax movie, just with obstructions and angles that hide the naughty bits. There is more nakedness, however, in how they depict the awkwardness. Honestly, these scenes are how the real thing works in real life in my experience. Nobody really knows what they're doing, understands the long-term implications of what they're doing, or has any kind of logical view of what they're doing. It's all lust, jealousy, nervousness, pressure, failure, embarrassment, and generally has the characters looking as though they'd be much happier doing any number of things. So I'm wondering if this is just a Frank thing or if it's an aspie thing.

-Frank

It's not an Aspie thing.

It is a virgin thing, in that most people's first-time encounters are like that.

Personally, I'm much more comfortable with the whole seduction and sex ritual than I'll ever be with the accidental 'relationships' that tend to ensue. The sensuality of the physical act is so very tactile, it's one of the few physical things I ever felt graceful at, but dealing with the other person as an individual after, whew, now that's awkward.

Two things:

1. I'm not a virgin and was not at the time of my most serious relationship, which lasted a year and a half and got all the to the point of being engaged. The sex began early on in that relationship and by that time she would've been the fourth partner I'd had and me the third she'd had. So no, it's NOT a virgin thing.

2. There's no separation. You're dealing with the person as an individual when you have sex with them, perhaps more than in any other context and who they are when you're having sex with them flows into who they are beforehand and afterwards. As far as the seduction goes, it seems like a very anti-aspie process, full of deception and illogical thinking and requiring empathy to function properly. Hell, if you're good at seduction and the sex ritual, I'd say that represents simulating NT behavior in a rather heroic fashion.

-Frank

Okay, I'll clarify: it's a lack of experience thing. LIFE experience. Or maybe it's just neurosis. You asked a question and I answered it, no need to be defensive. I do not believe it's a part of AS to think of sex as a horror.



Ah, there's the rub. There most definitely is a separation. What you're regurgitating is a quaintly old fashioned myth. If you continue to think that way, you are in for a lot of pain and misery, my friend. You will eventually find the hard way, that others can certainly separate your sexuality from your personality.



Not everybody is uncomfortable being up front (even brutally blunt) about what they want and don't want in interpersonal interaction (you'd be shocked how often that works with no social dance whatsoever). In my experience it's the only interaction that doesn't ultimately involve a lot of uncomfortable expectation and disappointment. I know what's expected in the sexual interaction, I'm not comfortable with the relationship process most think has to ensue as a result. It just drags out the socializing indefinitely (now that's a horror!).

Insecurity does usually go hand in hand with social awkwardness, but over the long term you learn to cope because there is no other choice. it matters not whether you're Aspie or NT, there are some things in life that cannot be accomplished without social interaction. It may be natural for Aspies to want to avoid those pressures since the skills are hard for us to learn and the trial and error process can be painful and embarrassing. But in the long run, you if you want the cookie, you learn how to open the jar or you go hungry. And I likes me a good cookie, yes, I does.

See, before I had sex in a long-term relationship, I would've pretty much agreed with everything you said. It's certainly the way I would prefer to think of sex. If it's impersonal, then no complications right? Just hand in the cookie jar until you've eaten your fill of chocolate chip and no worries. Then I spent a year and a half on my knees all night most nights begging forgiveness for my shortcomings in the sexual department and I realized that it IS very personal. Disease and pregnancy can go away as issues magically and you're still left with the monumental responsibility of being responsible for the most important pleasure another human being ever feels in their whole life. Impersonal approaches to sex are all well and good until you realize that you have to make sure the other person can get their hand in the cookie jar too or there'll be hell to pay.

-Frank

hmm...there's always an awkwardness the first time with someone new, even if you've had a lifetime of it.. Probably some of that cinema verite or something...

Sex rules!

Regrettably, I'm a virgin, so I wouldn't know.
Poor me...

I rather enjoyed FSM.
A lot of people didn't, as I understand it.