Aspie son having hard time with one or more friends

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I don't know what to do for my son when he has "melt downs" when one or more of his friends are around. He doesn't handle it very well. When he gets upset he wants everyone to leave and never come back, then in the next breath he doesn't want them to leave. We had a rough weekend with not knowing how to handle more than one friend at time it was hard on all of us. With him being upset and me not know what to do for him. When he does have just one friend over he will get upset when they don't come within the few minutes after talking to them on the phone hew will say "they're not coming" get really upset to the point its overwhelming to him & to me because this is all new. Then he will get upset when his friends have to go home to the point he cries. He is so emotional about this and I don't know what to do. Any other suggestions or some input on this would be great.

What does he get upset about when the friends are around? Do they have disagreements about what they want to play? It could
also be overwhelming to have "friends" over and he doesn't know how to handle this new social interaction. How old is he?
When friends come over, maybe they should only be able to
stay a short period of time (1 hour) and set a timer. That way, he
is aware of how long the friend will be there and he will also be prepared for when the friend needs to leave. If he handles it well, then you can add more time each time a friend comes over. (an incentive) When a friend is coming over, try to get an ETA on when they will arrive and "try" to explain to your son that people need time to get ready and also deal with traffic to get to your house.
My NT "social" daughter is 10 and my Aspie son is 9. My daughter has always been social but in the begining when she started to have friends over, things never worked well. She had to learn that friends don't always agree with what she wants to do. (play/toys) As she got more mature, she's learned that it is
give and take. My son is still learning how to "give and take" and
he hates when he can't do ONLY what he wants to do. I find that he will play 1 thing (like xbox) and his friend will play with something else. I rather they play together but as long as he has a friend over, it's a start. He only has 2 friends that he plays with at school and he has been friends with them for 2 years now.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP!

Thank you so much for advice on how to handle the play time (with timer) that seems like it might help. My son is 10 he was just dx July of last year so this is all new to me. I just wish I could get more of a handle on things. Its exhausting at times.

Welcome to WrongPlanet Kimmie, as for my input:
I used to be much the same as your son. Time will do the work for you, just allow him to figure things out for himself.

The timer has been a learning tool as my son can visbly watch how long he has left..etc. ...It's funny, the whole idea of having another child over is so that they can play and you can relax. It seems like (as a mom) you relax less as you need to help fight battles regarding play between the children. But in time, it gets
easier especially when he finds that 1 friend that he can truely get along with. Fortunately, my son found that friend. Sometimes
when I check on them, they are in his room but are doing 2 seperate things of play. If they are happy with this, then so am I. At some point they go back to finding something together to play and interact with each other.

Thanks again. We have probably two timers at the house. He likes timers and anything with buttons, noise oh he lovessssssss telephones I couldn't tell you how many he has. Thanks again. I'm going to try the timer the next time his little friend comes over.

Welcome to the forum!

I may have little experience of teaching children, but when it comes to learning new stuff like the concept of getting ready, I need to experience it myself before I can accept it in someone else. If you can find a way, a routine or something specific to "get prepared" for the friend coming over say changing clothes, washing hands, picking up toys or something similar, he will have an idea of what preparing might be, even if it is not the same kind of preparing. He just needs to learn the concept by experiencing it.

Nice to meet you, Kimmie.