Do I have AS...?

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[Insert obligatory greeting, brief mention of new membership status and casual segue to the real point of my post here.]

I had not heard of Asperger's until recently and I must admit, I've always heard from others that I was a bit "odd" and have often thought of myself in much the same way... but some people are just odd, right?

Is being "different" a clinical condition?

Below, are some of my "eccentricities"... I don't really know what to make of any of this -so I thought maybe someone here who is familiar with AS could give me an opinion based on these characteristics that I have either noticed in myself or have had pointed out to me by others.

For example:

I absolutely cannot maintain prolonged eye contact. In fact, I usually avoid it all together. This isn't necessarily a conscious choice on my part, I usually don't even realize I'm doing it. But this trait of mine has caused problems in many different social environments including work and personal relationships. I've had bosses criticize me because I didn't look them in the eye when they were explaining critical tasks to me and when I eat dinner with my fiance, she often thinks I am bored or uninterested in her, because I'm "looking everywhere but at her" or "staring off into space". I have to force myself to look into people's eyes and when I do -I get very uncomfortable...

People describe me as "un-emotional"... which I always have thought of as strange, because I really do feel an INTENSE compassion for ALL living things... I can't kill spiders and bugs when I find them inside for example. I have to catch them and take them outside where they are safe... I have the same compassion for people, but I have to admit -I guess I don't express it very well. For example, I have cried maybe three or four times in my entire life (I'm in my mid-thirties) and people often compare me to "Mr. Spock" because I am "so damn logical."

I have a tendency to obsess over new discoveries. If I find something I am interested in -I will devour every piece of information I can find on the topic until I have completely exhausted all my resources. To this end I have read what I estimate to be tens of thousands of books... which is another obsession of mine -reading. On average, I am usually reading four or five books simultaneously and it has always been this way since the moment I learned to read -although this has slowed down with all the information that is quickly becoming available on the Internet... whenever I go anywhere I feel compelled to read every billboard, every street sign, every shop window... everything. Sometimes, when I'm riding in a car I have to turn my head so I can "finish" reading everything as it passes me by... when there isn't much to read on my travels, I start reading things backwards and re-arranging the letters in my head to make new words... this isn't necessarily a "game" as much as it is a compulsion. I also read cereal boxes, shampoo bottles (not just the advertising, but the ingredients, company address, UPC numbers -everything) and any other packaging that I might come across.

Before I perform a certain task, I often spontaneously plan that activity out into various different steps... each step has to be performed in the right order and even if I discover midway through that there is a "better way" -I often still have to stick to the original plan.

I can seem extremely awkward in most social situations. Most people think I am "mean" because I don't say, "Hello" or make "small talk"... in fact, I get so annoyed with "small talk" that I tend to avoid people all together who seem to have a propensity for discussing the weather... or sports... or whatever it is that people talk about without trying to actually say anything meaningful (at least, it doesn't appear meaningful to me).

If someone does get me talking about something I am interested in -I can't shut up. If I'm interested in it -chances are great that I have researched it ad nauseum... so I can have a lot to say about a given topic and I find myself trying to gauge the length of my responses in a conversation and consciously forcing myself to stop talking to give the other person(s) an opportunity to speak.

... anyway, there's more -but I guess that's enough for now... I'm posting this because I happened to be reading about AS and I was surprised at how easy it was for me to identify with A LOT of what I have read... but then again, maybe I'm just... "unusual"?

Is there something about me physiologically that causes this behavior? Or are these just unusual personality traits brought about by social and environmental factors over the course of my life?

For what it's worth, I am not on any medication -nor have I ever been and I don't anticipate seeking any out. I am very adamant about this and if in fact, I am an "Aspie" as you say -I think I am okay with that. I believe that while my "mannersims" have occasionally caused awkwardness (at best) and strife (at worst) they have ultimately shaped me into a unique and productive human being.

Anyway, thanks for reading my long winded post and let me know what you think. I sincerely doubt I will see a doctor about this -so this may be the only opportunity I will have to get a credible opinion.

I have all your eccentricities as well, it's almost completely the same.

Try this:
A quiz:
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
It's the most detailed quiz on the web, but it's not like getting a real diagnosis.

Thanks for the link.

Here is what I ended up with:

Asperger/HFA/PDD - 115 - You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
ADD/ADHD - 111 - You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
OCD - 107 - You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
Social phobia - 97 - You might be able to receive the diagnosis
Dyslexia - 79 - This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek

(I would copy and paste the neato graph link that was displayed, but apparently I am unable to do so because I have posted fewer than five times.)

To be perfectly honest with you, I have no idea what the above info is supposed to mean... that I MIGHT have AS? I guess I'm struggling with this because it's not like I have a virus or specific physiological ailment (that I am aware of) -I'm just... quirky. But when I can identify with so many of these things that I read about concerning AS... it makes me wonder... also, I hate the idea that people might think that I am aloof and uncaring but I get that impression from people all the time. I guess AS would at least make it easier for me to understand the differences between myself and others, but I also worry that maybe I'm just looking for an "excuse" for being the way I am... and if I saw a doctor, I'm sure I would walk out of there feeling like his or her diagnosis was more or less an "educated opinion" as opposed to a clinical diagnosis -so I'm sort of stuck on this.

Nice to meet you, abraxas.

By the sound of it you do have AS.

Hi!

You most likely have AS, but take my advice. Don't look at it as a disfunction.
In my opinion its just a way of being. Imagine what people would say if someone said we should treat homosexuality medicaly. It'd make the feathers fly. I dont see whats the difference.

About eyecontact and smalltalk: they can be learned.
I always forced myself to look the others in the eye and now i can do it without feeling weird.
Most of the times i think unconciously so for me it's easy to switch to autopilot when people want to have smalltalk.

Bence is right. I decided to learn how to look into peoples eyes and after a few decades of practice have got it down pat. It's hard to remember now how bad it used to feel.
There's a nice article about small talk on this site that should help you too.

Oh, and we're almost twins.

Hey abraxas, I'd say you most likely have AS, I'm just coming to this conclusion about myself. As far as medication, there's no magic pill that will make you a NeuroTypical, nor do I think any of us would want there to be. Aspie's just have a differen't way of thinking and acting, and a certian "Weirdness" is probably the biggest sign that you're an Aspie. If you'd like to seek out the help of a psychological professional, they may be able to help you with some aspects of AS that some of us share such as OCD, ADD, Depression, etc., but personaly I feel having a site like WP.net where Aspies can learn from each other about coping in a NeuroTypical world, can be just as good if not better than loading your body full of chemicals. I think the biggest benefit of a site like this is that we realize that we're not alone. We aren't the creepy weirdos that some NTs make us out to be, we just have a different way of processing information then they do.

However you procede to take things, I hope you hang around WrongPlanet. I think sometimes all we need to feel better about our weirdnesses is to know that it's not our fault and that there are others that share many or our peculiarities. Hope to see you around.

-Alerion

Last edited by Alerion42 on 29 Mar 2008, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm searching for the same answer myself. I've been searching for it since I was a teenager. I absolutely detest going to social functions (like work parties or dinners) because people sit around and engage in small talk which drives me insane. I have no tolerance for it at all. I usually just excuse myself and walk away. I never got along with the sports guys at work either who sit around on Monday and make small talk about the latest football games. Most people think that I'm weird, mean, or pompous. (The typical reaction is "oh, he's too good to hang out and chat with us.."). But, I'm not really that way at all. I like other people and I like being social. I just cannot participate in small-talk activities. Usually it's a very short conversation with long, awkward pauses. I just don't know what to say and there is no point to it anyway.

Of course, if you get me on a subject that I like, then you cannot shut me up. I can go on and on for days about subjects that interest me. Most of my coworkers and acquaintances go out of their way to try to avoid bringing up topics that interest me because they don't want to get me going. Some of them have learned about my quirks and simply tell me: "I don't have time to listen to this now, I have a lot of work to do. Let's talk about it later." New people (who don't know me) are often surprised by this abrupt stop... it comes across as being very rude to them. But, I do not take offense at this. I know how I am. I am glad that these friends stop me before I get going... or they get bored. I would rather have someone tell me to stop then act like they're interested and sit and tolerate my detailed yammering for hours.

I have learned how to keep eye contact. But, it is hard for me at times. I am also not very good with relationships. I have difficulty with small talk, flirting, eye contact, and touch. At this point in time... I'm single. But, I have been in relationships in the past. I plan to make a list of symptoms that I experience and read more about Asperger's syndrome. The blogs here at Wrong Planet seem very nice and I will use them to explore my own symptoms. Even if I found out that I did have AS, I don't know what that would mean to me. I don't know if I would want to tell others around me. I am certainly not interested in drugs or treatments of any kind. But, understanding more about AS may help me to learn more about myself.

Welcome to the forum, abraxas!!

I agree that you very likely have it. I say this because I experience very single symptom you listed and I have been officially diagnosed.

Thanks for the link. I ended up with the following:

ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) -- 139 -- You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
OCD -- 132 -- You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
Asperger/HFA/PDD -- 126 -- You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
Social phobia -- 119 -- You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
Dyslexia -- 106 -- You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis

Asperger/HFA/PDD 190 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
Social phobia 170 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
OCD 165 You very likely will be able to receive the diagnosis
ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) 134 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
Dyslexia 109 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek

I would question the reliability of this test and of self-diagnosis, as you can see that my scores are extreme and every professional I have ever worked with (according to the Deputy Head at school) believe I have Asperger's, yet the educational psychologist won't diagnose me. (Though that could just be the damn psychologist...)

Welcome to WP!

The eye contact issue seems to be a common symptom of AS. I don't have much of a problem with it nowadays though, the only problem I have is deciding if I've made enough eye contact or too much to meet the needs of the social situation without making the other person feel awkward.

The other problem with eye contact is... which eye do you look at? It may seem like a silly question but this bugged me for years. If someone is standing that close to you do you look into their left eye, right eye or between their eyes or just let your own eyes go into soft focus in the general region?

Damn complicated this social interaction stuff

To WrongPlanet!! !

I use soft focus.
Thing i realized: I can look them in the eye with no problem by now, but i couldnt smile at a stranger. dont know why.

i'm writing this off-medication so i apologize for the length and all the tangential writing.

hi all. i've just registered here after reading the asperger's and HFA wiki. i'm not diagnosed with asperger's or autism though... i was diagnosed as having ADD during the third grade. for a few years after that i took dexadrine, did ok in school, didnt develop issues with the meds, etc etc. so during high school i opted to stop taking the medicine. all throughout my undergrad i also did reasonably well, but towards the end i started developing issues with recall which definitely affected how i was doing. not enough, apparently, to prevent me from applying to and being accepted to grad school. i'm currently doing my masters in genetics.

anyhow, after visiting a neurologist and undergoing both an extensive memory test, aptitude test, and an MRI, they concluded that nothing new was wrong and i was started on some time release treatments for ADD (concerta, adderal, strattera). unfortunately these didnt work and so after coming out here to grad school and trying to deal with the problem by sheer willpower, i eventually decided to start psych appointments and i'm on dexadrine again. it seems to work better than the time release drugs. the point being, though, that being challenged mentally revealed my deficiencies. (and not just to me, to my supervisor as well).

i think as i'm more and more aware of the problems i'm experiencing, i feel as though some of them might be considered atypical of what is normally considered ADD. this morning i wasnt familiar with asperger's at all, but stumbling across the wiki article and reading through the whole thing... i've re-evaluated some of my symptoms, and some of my normal habits which i never considered symptoms before. (i realize self diagnosis is really a terrible way of going about things, but maybe i'll bring it up at my next psych appointment....)

anyhow. i'm rambling here so i'll just briefly say that my symptoms that fit with asperger's include but are probably not limited to:

having to force myself to make eye contact (since i can remember i've known that i needed to look people in the eye becasue if i didnt, they read into my behavior the wrong way. unfortunately, this makes me uncomfortable)

i am and always have been quite clumsy,

social interactions that i have are mostly ok now, but this was not always the case (i can remember clearly having issues with making friends and also being socially mortified/petrified many times during elementary school and following into middle school, i'm still not very good socially, most people just think i'm callus), i would still say i'm usually the odd man out in any given group. i've learned to take advantage of that over the years though.

the last one i would mention right off is that for my entire life i've always had a particularly singular interest in something, whether it be dinosaurs, insects (when i was much younger), or music (for about 6 years now). that seems to fit into the normal spectrum of asperger's symptoms (according to wiki, at least).

i guess, additionally, that i'm not as empathic (or is it empathetic?) as i probably should be. i'd say i'm pretty callus at times (and many times, friends have given me horrible looks after i've said something about a person that i would have considered a perfectly normal thing to say about someone you dislike).

i've also always gravitated towards science. but since plenty of people working in research dont have asperger's or HFA or ADD or anything of the sort, i'd lend the least amount of pull to this factor out of any of them.



i'm also missing a few of the listed asperger's symptoms in wiki though. in any case i know that i have some mental issue which shares a few of the core symptoms with asperger's.



i feel a bit strange posting like this right off the bat. my issues certainly pale in comparison with those who have been officially diagnosed. it just makes me feel a bit weird coming here and posting what essentially amounts to a complaint.

anyhow, uh, hi! i'm now preparing for the obligatory tl;dr.