hi...New to AS...new to myself...can anybody help?

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hello everybody.....im 21, ive been around wp for mayb 3 weeks...trying to find out as much as i can abt AS, coz when i stumbled onto some info on the web, i felt i could relate to it in a LOT of ways!!

i stay in the middle east...have never heard of AS before this, but now the symptons jus seem to read my own profile, im pretty worried coz i really dont know what to do.....

these are some of the things that realy seem to fit in-

-i cant socialize much, i can talk to people to an extent, but tend to pull my guards up after a level and there are hardly any close friends i have made.....there mayb people who are friendly to me in the beginning, but somewhere in b/w i dont know what happens..the friendship never goes any more further than that.....

-i have been called insensitive to the core....unemotional....coz im almost 'faceless'... a lot of times people cant see any expressions on my face...they can never make out if im happy/sad etc.....my friend tells me im not at all transparent and kinda unapproachable...i look like im in my own world...on my own trip!

-i am told i speak in a robotic voice.....n wht ive read is aspie's tend to speak in a monotone, no matter how much i try...i still can never modulate my voice in the rite way

-i have major expression issues...even with my own friends...i find it difficult to jus go upto them n tel them...this is what im feeling today, they think im egoistic coz of this lack of communication frm my end. when i do tend to say something or put my point forward, i come across as blunt...or not having the tact to speak in diff situations

-i even tend to be pretty ineffective in conversations, whether formal or informal, im confident that theres my speech is perfectly fine but im still not able to get a message across...ppl dont tend to take me seriously....and i sound unclear abt wht exactly am saying....

-i dont like to b called a boring person, but i tend to hv a v meek response to social outings, or even to normally hanging out wid friends, they think im 'disinterested' in making plans, or dont enjoy their company....i dont mind but yeah i kinda like to be alone

-people have always called me 'a lil weird' in school n college, but i never took it so seriously, but now its kinda growing on me coz im hearing it a lot more...and they say it on my face!

-i hate office politics....whenever theres an issue, i hate to b involved, not that im scared, but i just feel its so mundane, and useless, nd feel sick about how the world is...and wish if ppl could just be peaceful....all this wouldnt happen

-...there may b serious situations that occur....but i realize the seriousness of the issue very late..mayb when the whole thing is even solved....this is another reason im called insensitive....nothing tends to strike me at the right time!!

theres a lot more....but i jus wanna know if most of you feel any of the above...and tell me if i really have AS! i know many of you have a very positive take on it....its not that i think theres smthin wrong in being an aspie...but mayb this is the reason why ive indirectly hurt ppl close to me in a lot of ways, i never meant to....but ive always disappointed my friends n everyone else, i dont think i can ever make place in anyones mind...i feel miserable coz im weird!

i wanna see a doctor....but can anyone tell me what kind of specialist i should see, ive checked out a few major hospitals, but nobody seems to be have any experience dealing with such issues....is this so weird??

...any advice would be really appreciated...thank u for reading....cheers....

Welcome sofia108!

Sofia

First: welcome.

It’s hard to do the transition from “the weirdest of us” to “not one of us.” It may be odd for you to discover that your difficulties were not the result of your constant failure – which is still something you at least have responsibility for – but were the result of your having a different model of brain – which places the responsibility and control into the hands of others.

I know that sounded strange. What I mean is, for me, at the very worst time of my life, I still always thought I was just a tiny distance away from getting everything “right” and finally blending in. I worked hard for that, and had a great deal of success passing as “eccentric.” But it was so strenuous, so painful, and so disappointing when those I love couldn’t understand why I often made them feel disdained and disregarded.

When I discovered my own Aspergian ethnicity, I felt many good things. I was glad, finally, to have an explanation for so many aspects of myself that I had come to consider self-betrayals. And it was good to tie in with the coping techniques and personal accounts of my brother Aspies. However, I have also had to deal with the realization that “normalcy” was not just out of my reach. It was a false goal that I could never have achieved. It was not possible for my kind of human to be that kind of human. So, that goal was no longer in my control. In fact, there were a lot of things that were no longer in my control.

So, I can understand your distress when you face the possibility of such a change of perspective. There may even be a bit of a period of quite appropriate mourning. On the other hand, it is good to have a tribe. Especially one that actually needs you.

You can, if you prefer, simply back away and forget you saw what you saw that made you suspect Aspergers. Or you can approach it like a medical emergency, as many do. Or you can search out what confirmation you feel you need and then move forward resolutely with your true nature finally clear to you.

So, finally, I welcome you again. Let us know what’s on your mind.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Nice to meet you, sofia108.

Sofia; Welcome. I'm pretty new at this myself. Just joined WP today.I very much understand when you speak about being accused of lacking tact or sensitivity, and coming off as blunt when you assert yourself. The emotions of others can be so confusing, so mysterious. I have inadvertently stepped on so many toes. Sometimes its difficult to know if the criticism is fair, or is just part of the other person's negativity. You ask about getting an objective determination of your aspie status. There is a test you can take online, if that option appeals to you, which provides a A.Q.(Asperger's quotient). Try typing into google: Asperger's quotient test. If you do take this test please consider coming back here to discuss your reactions to the results. Ross

Welcome to WP!

thank you everybody....for the replies....and the insight...it really helps...im enjoying WP already!

Hi sofia108,

welcome to WP.

I'm glad that you are liking it here so far.

Sofia; I would encourage you to keep trying to understand other people's emotions. The alternative doesn't seem very satisfactory. I believe I am more able to understand people's emotions than when I was younger, so there is the possibility of improvement. When this understanding breaks down, it can be distressing, but NTs have to cope with this same problem, just not nearly as much as we do. About the test: I took the A.Q. Test yesterday, score 38. Disturbing, to me, to have my suspicions confirmed. But it does explain so much! Ross

I think you're my twin sister, Sofia.
You can change a little bit and you can learn methods of coping and you can stop berating yourself for being different. I'm relaxed now about my problems with recognizing people because it is not because I am lazy or self-centered. Now that I know that it's inborn, I say to people I meet the first time, please, the next time we meet, don't be afraid to reintroduce yourself again if I look bewildered. I'm missing the five brain cells that everyone else uses for instant recognition, so I would be grateful if you would help me out. Now people are glad to help me out now that they know I'm not a snob.

Hey lelia....you know when I am reading people's posts on WP, I feel relaxed because there are so many like me and I feel good about being part of a universal Aspergian community. But the moment I am back with the real physical world, I feel out of place, one reason maybe because I haven't shared anything about my discoveries with anybody as yet. (and am pretty much worried about their reactions) The feeling of feeling miserable comes from being looked at as an oddity in a place everybody else seems to be very normal. But anywho, I guess over time I will learn to digest things better while at the moment I take this whole thing as my own niche or 'personal space' that I feel so comfy in when am lonely...

Ross, you're right, there is definitely room for improvement and I will try not to take my aspergian nature for granted.
I know its disturbing to be exposed to these revelations about ourselves but it I guess it woudl only become easier to relax our minds if we say that its inherent and we have no control over it, and we really don't, do we?And its much easier for us aspies to take such things in our stride than we would expect the NTs to do....at least I think so!