How do you deal with bullying???

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My son has recently had a kid calling him "Dork" everyday this week..he isnt overwhelmed about it but i can tell it effects him. Fortuneatly sometimes it seems like out of sight out of mind but matter of fact. Anyways i have emailed the school shrink, he is amazing and knows michael and his autism well. Im still waiting for a reply. I want to handle this RIGHT and not too much out of my emotions...personally i want to shake the kid who is doing this!

Any advice in how to handle teasing and bullying?
How did you guys deal with that in elementary to Highschool level?

Thanks!

He calls him a dork? Just like the kids who teased Bill Gates, when he was a kid, eh.? May your son do as well as that.

It has been many years since I lived through that sort of teasing and bullying, but I still remember it clearly. Bullies pick on kids because they aren't strong enough to stand on their own merits. People who know they are not worthy, will often turn on people whom they feel are safe to tease and torment. Cowards are cowards, even when they are pretending to be big and tough.

I either ignored the tormentors or laughed at them, pointing out to others that the bully couldn't make it on his own without finding someone else to tear down. The laughing ploy, however, has to be used carefully, only when the situation is safe from a physical retaliation. Making a bully's peers laugh at him is bad for the bully, but you need to be careful from then on that the bully doesn't catch you alone.

I don't know if this will help your son, but he needs to be reminded once in awhile that "This, too, shall pass."

Pops

Whenever I got bullied, I just ignored the bully. I didn't look at them, talk to them, or even acknowledge their existence. Even when they were pulling on my arm, I just sat there like a heavy rock, unresponsive to their harassment.

The bullies eventually got weirded out and left me alone. Triumph!

I think in recent years, there's been a lot of attention brought to the harm of bullying. Bullying not socially acceptable anymore.

I definitely think you should report this to the teachers/principle at the school. It's difficult enough to have to deal with autism without having to deal with bullies.

Bullying is not acceptable behavior nowadays. I'm sure the teachers/principle will be really helpful if you talk to them.

yeah i just got off the phone with his teacher and fortuneately we know his teacher well....I told him to keep an ear out for the kid, he said that he will...i just dont want to make the situation worse for Michael..

I also let the school shrink know too..he is good with resolving things quickly.

Thanks so much for the reply!

Welcome to WP

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Here are some resources specific to Bullying and Asperger's:

Bullying kit: http://www.bookinhand.com.au/catalogue.php?product_id=1481
Teacher’s manual: http://www.bookinhand.com.au/catalogue.php?product_id=1482
Student’s workbook http://www.bookinhand.com.au/catalogue.php?product_id=1483

‘Perfect Targets: Asperger’s Syndrome and Bullying’ by Rebekah Heinrichs
http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Targets-Bullying-Practical-Solutions-Surviving/dp/1931282188

‘No Fishing Allowed’ by Carol Grey (sorry, can't find a link)

Helen

Nothing breaks a mother's heart worse, than when she realizes she cannot protect her child from the harsh realities of life. My daughter (and I) portray everything that is undesirable in a a woman according to advertising and Hollywood. We are big, not only tall, but muscular. We are intelligent in our own ways, and independent. My daughter also had a severe learning disability (Soto's Syndrome. If you think AS is bad, read about that) which placed her in the "special classes" in school. From the get go she had to endure horrible things said to her. She was bigger than most of her teachers by 3rd grade. I suffer from a low self esteem, chronic depression, and other mental problems, so I did the best I could. But the one thing we both clung to, to survive:

We discovered the psychological concept of PROJECTION. The idea that whatever another person says or does to you is a projection of how they feel about themselves. I taught my daughter at a very young age to say to a bully, " I feel, sorry for you because whatever you are saying to try to hurt me, is how you truly feel about yourself." Sometimes it shut them up, sometimes not. But it definitely kept my daughter and I from accepting and internalizing the bully's hatred and hurting ourselves.

I also taught her that you cannot control or change another person, and can "barely" control or change yourself. Now, this is very idealistic. In reality we struggle, all the time. But these are a couple tools to keep from taking on other people's "chit."

PS One advantage to being big & muscular, bullies don't physically mess with you much. LOL Also, my daughter became the SD backstroke swimming champion when she was 18. She did and does a lot of things marvelously. She manages a health food store. She is also, very beautiful and fashionable.

Oh, yes, under my Projection theory, the guy calling you son a Dork: My understanding a Dork is a whale penis. Can you imagine how this guy feels about himself??? A great big d . . . . . .k??? It is pitiful. What a pitiful person.

I dealed with my bully by slamming his head into a locker.

He stopped messing with me after that.

Meh, it might get him in trouble, or he could be scarred for life from bullying.

If he is 12/13+, I would recommend your son takes up weighttraining, it helped me tremendously, and if he continues it long enough the bullies would be intimidated by his shear size, so less need for anybody to be hurt.

Goodluck, if you want to choose the weight training path for your son, you can message me if you need any help.

I used to get bullied quite badly when I was at school. The problem with bullies is that most people generally continue with the phrase "if you ignore them they'll get bored and leave you alone", no. If you ignore them they see that you do nothing about it and you are seen as weak and therefore an easy target and the bullying continues and often intensifies.

Bullies feed on fear, they will continue to pick on you so long as they know they are feared, the only real solution is to show the bully that the victim is not afraid and if possible instill the bully with a fear of their once-victim.

I generally got bullied by groups and was jumped several times when walking to and from school, got beat up with an assortment of bricks, bats, poles and alot of fists and boots, one day I just snapped, I walked home, grabbed a baseball bat and walked back out, found them hanging around laughing, walked up behind the ring leader, tapped him on the shoulder and then cracked him in the face with the bat when he turned around, wacked a two more of the group and threatened the other 3 till they very quickly backed off. I was never bullied again after that day.

I'm not suggesting that your son do this but it illustrates my point, the act of my going after them sent a very clear message "this far no further". There's always been one thing thats true of just about everyone, if you push someone too far sooner or later they'll start pushing back, this is what bullies are always going for, seeing how much they can get away with, the more the victim ignores them on apparently good advice from counsellors, the weaker they appear and the bullies continue to get away with it.

Its an unfortunate fact that life is going to suck, to be honest part of me still thinks your son would probably be better off picking up a bat and paying the bully a visit, its a safe bet to say that at some point everyone has or will have their ass kicked by someone, better you learn how to deal with it at a young age than grow up unprepared because life doesnt get easier as you get older.

Not necessarily true for everyone.
When I was at high school, there was a boy who was tall, muscular and just down right really huge. He was bullied almost daily. The boys size didn't make the bullies intimidated because they knew one thing...that no matter how much he was provoked, he would not retaliate.
I'm not saying that fighting or name calling should be returned to the bullies...but that large size doesn't undoubtedly equal fear.

I was bullied all through my school years. I know that ignoring it doesn't always solve it and can sometimes make it worse. I ignored it and it didn't help, but thats all I could think to do at the time.
One day though, I did find a strategy that didn't stop the bullying, but stopped me from taking it as harshly. Whenever I was called a name, I replied with saying..."Thank-you".
Sure, the bullies laughed at me for doing that but I was more easily able to let whatever they called me out of my mind.

I was bullied by my older sister and brother both. They hated my very existence and continued the abuse into adulthood. One thing I know about bullies, they are very very sneaky. They like to strike at the very time they will never be caught.

I don't think there is anyway to avoid them other than get out and stay away from them. Bullies in adulthood can take on passive aggressive patterns, which are even worse.


Sorry, No easy answer. I don't think Congress can solve the problem either, like hate crimes. Hate crimes and bullies are pretty much the same.

I was called something worse. I was called ret*d, my first two years of High School. It's tough getting called any name, in school.