The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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gneiss
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12 May 2008, 5:34 pm

skeeterhawk wrote:

So I guess the question is how much I may be crunching obliviously and how much her physical sensitivity contributes to it. The difficulty I have eliminating the behavior is a red flag to me that autism may play a hand. Things which bother those around me that are NOT based in my autism have always been relatively easy to eliminate from my repertoire. With her sensitivity, however, it may be that I am oblivious because the sound is next to nothing for everyone else

My advice is to get smart and eat under a "cone of silence". Kidding aside, I have the same sensitivity as your partner and it drives me nuts at time. I only say something to someone else at the table if they are eating with their mouths open and they are family. Otherwise, I grin and bear it. I make the assumption that if I eat crunchy food with my mouth closed, I make as much noise as other people even though it does not sound intense to the chewer>

morning_after
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12 May 2008, 7:37 pm

skeeterhawk wrote:

I was asked by my lovely partner of thirty-three years to inquire about something that drives her crazy. The issue is a little complex in that, although she does not have ASD, she is clearly an NA (that's neuro-Atypical). She has as many sensory issues as I do (perhaps more) but they stem from dyslexia and ADD.

That said, my lovely lady has bade me ask whether "chewing loudly" is common among folks on the spectrum. I'm not talking about chewing with mouth open but rather somehow making "too much" sound when eating a crunchy food. I try constantly to avoid chewing crunchy things around her but there are always unavoidable situations. Try as I might, I am often only aware of my behavior after she points it out with a wince on her face (I'm sure it is physically uncomfortable for her). I am talking about such things as the sounds from seeds in figs or strawberries causing her to jump or flinch. Something like chips is unbearable but maybe more understandable.

So I guess the question is how much I may be crunching obliviously and how much her physical sensitivity contributes to it. The difficulty I have eliminating the behavior is a red flag to me that autism may play a hand. Things which bother those around me that are NOT based in my autism have always been relatively easy to eliminate from my repertoire. With her sensitivity, however, it may be that I am oblivious because the sound is next to nothing for everyone but her.

Any thoughts out there?

Well, if it helps you, I will point out that I have read books where nuerotypical parents of aspie children have had the same problem.

Sometimes you cannot eliminate the thing (whatever it is) that causes bothersome noises for the child.

So, what the book suggested was keeping it to a minimum, and when you have to do it, let the person know so that they can go into another room for a while.

For example, in this case, you might try not to eat anything crunchy around her, maybe even taking them into another room or something, if you can. Otherwise, if you have to eat something crunchy (like, say, you're at a restaurant and you cannot avoid ordering something crunchy), then warn her, saying you're about to eat something really crunchy and that she might need to go away for a little while and join you in a few minutes.

Just my thoughts.

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morning_after
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12 May 2008, 7:39 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

I am so furious! I just called the IRS, and it seems that someone made a mistake with my return. Meaning that even though I provided them with my bank info for an electronic deposit, they processed it for a paper check. Meaning that, instead of getting my stimulus payment this week, it won't arrive for another two months!

I have a dental situation that I need to deal with ASAP, and was counting on getting it taken care of this week.

Awww, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I really am.

Do you suppose you could have the dentist mail you his bill? Or are you having trouble with the money you have to have before you get there?

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hartzofspace
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12 May 2008, 9:00 pm

morning_after wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

I haven't incurred a bill yet. I wanted to have the money up front, before I have any dental work done.

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SleepyDragon
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12 May 2008, 11:56 pm

Anyone spoken to Postie lately?

krex
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13 May 2008, 12:24 am

Hartz.....Perhaps you can call your dentist and explain the situation. My dentist( a real saint, me thinks), has often offered to do work and bill me, but I have been going there for years and had tons of root canals and caps...so he does make more money on me then some less "dentally challenged". They also offer a bank loan that is free if paid off in 6 months. You can ask if your dentist has something like that....many of them will work with you, as they are used to waiting for insurence company payments,(half the time, mine takes months to pay off their share) Good luck. Don't wait if you can avoid it because it is likely to just cost more if it turns abcess. (I have to go in this week and pay another couple hundred dollars just for a filling). It hurts twice as much when you have to pay for someone to "hurt you"...what a racket...but sure is noce still having teeth ...my mom had all hers pulled by 40

I also hate mouth sounds...my own or my BF, (the only other person I eat around. I don't mind his crunching unless I am trying to watch TV...that drives me nuts because of APD. What I really hate is "wet mouth noises"...yuck. Irrational but I just can not stand that sound. I was so self concious of my own eating noises when I was a kid that I refused to eat around peers in Jr High, High School and even at my prom (yes, someone did ask me to prom...they thought they were gettign laid...HA)...On the up-side...it kept me thin and I was a pretty cheap date :wink:

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sinsboldly
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13 May 2008, 12:41 am

SleepyDragon wrote:

Anyone spoken to Postie lately?

Postie is taking a breather, Linda.

Merle

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krex
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13 May 2008, 2:04 am

Merle...I don't know how you stayed so calm when dealing with slowmutant(was his name a clue?) He had me seeing red and I wanted to explode on him but I didn't want to intrude...I have a bad habit of playing unwanted Calvary that has gotten me in trouble before...so I bit my tongue. I wish I knew how to deal with my temper with these type of people here and IRL. It would serve me well, but I am afraid I have a long way to go in learning how to stay above thi kind of mentality...I thought aspies were supposed to be "rational" but I am any thing but when someone like slowmutant responds to people with such ignorance and seemingly intentional cruelty.

KUDO's on your self control and rational response.

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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesn't mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang

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sinsboldly
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13 May 2008, 2:21 am

krex wrote:

I am Irony incarnate, Krex. There is no crown as thorny. I find when I am rational in one venue I am out of control in others. But thanks. sometimes you catch more flies with honey but sometimes you gotta bring out the swatter and kill the damn flies.

Merle

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Nan
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13 May 2008, 11:09 am

SleepyDragon wrote:

Anyone spoken to Postie lately?

Not in about a week or so. He was alive and kicking at last word....

Nan
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13 May 2008, 2:19 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

Mine isn't here yet, either, Hartz. And it's paying for the A/C that's to be delivered tomorrow, just ahead of our third early heat-wave of the spring.

skeeterhawk
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13 May 2008, 2:20 pm

gneiss, morning-after and krex,

Thanks for the words of wisdom. Between my wife and I, we have generally followed your advice over the years. I will often take the figs I love out on the back porch. Celery and chips are generally cause for a heads up. It is nice to get reaffirmation in a straight and non-judgmental way.

I think the thing that throws me the most is how unaware I am, on a primary experience level, of the sound. I think that I am probably stimming as I chew certain foods. My wife says it seems to her like some of my first bites are almost "attacks" on the food. How she distinguishes this is beyond me since I am actually trying to chew quietly with mouth tightly, tightly closed.

There are so many times when it is obvious that the primary experience that one of us has is quite a bit different from what the other has! I suppose that is the central "rub" for all of us with variant physical sensitivities (as well as with unusual thought patterns).

So, I will "bite the bullet" and take even further chewing precautions because this lovely lady is so dear to me.

skeeterhawk
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13 May 2008, 2:22 pm

Our checks have yet to appear as well. It seems like the commentators have been discussing them forever!

morning_after
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13 May 2008, 2:25 pm

Did the government publish the dates they were supposed to arrive.

It could just be me, because of where I live, but the government here is really slow and takes forever.

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nannarob
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13 May 2008, 4:54 pm

So, I will "bite the bullet" and take even further chewing precautions because this lovely lady is so dear to me.

Oh Skeeterhawk, that is so nicely put...sigh

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NEVER EVER GIVE UP

I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex

Nan
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13 May 2008, 5:17 pm

nannarob wrote:

So, I will "bite the bullet" and take even further chewing precautions because this lovely lady is so dear to me.

Oh Skeeterhawk, that is so nicely put...sigh

first thing in my mind was that he'd get lead poisoning.... :wink:

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