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I was just getting ready to hit the sack, and came back and googled aspie forums, and found you guys. Thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm married, 41 years old, a father of 3 daughters and a self diagnosed aspie. A longtime friend recently was diagnosed with aspergers, and told me of his struggles and it was like he was describing my life. I've taken several tests and scored high in the aspie/autism spectrum. I feel like for the first time In my life I understand myself, but lately, im not sure if that makes it any easier. Makes life any better. I just don't know. I'm really struggling with it right now.

I consider myself "high functioning", to the degree I've been succesfully self employed for years, and I feel that i'm very good at what I do, but the social aspect has kept me from really excelling in my field. I just don't like social situations. I don't get the point of them. Small talk, the rituals, the give and take. It sends mixed signals to the people I work with because I can be very funny and make people laugh, but once that stage is over in the conversation, i feel trapped and want out. its difficult for my wife I think, because she needs social interaction, but I know eventually I will say something rude, or stupid, and it makes it extremely difficult for us.

My friend tells me to just not put myself in those situations, but i would REALLY love to be able to live that sort of "normal", neurotypical life...... but if, after 40 years of trying to be like the neurotopicals and failing, is there any hope that I can? I feel like I've gotten worse the older that I've get. More isolated, more withdrawn because Im comfortable with that. I know I can fake it, but I feel like a fake. does that make sense?

Makes it hard to be a good parent and husband. I'm just not good at those things. Its depressing. the hardest part, is noone really knows. I'm sure i just come off as strange sometimes, but i feel people that want to connect with me, and I just do not have any idea how. It doesnt make any sort of sense.

I dont know if I really have a question, I guess Im just looking for some help, something thats difficult for me to ask for.

Anyway, this forum rocks. Great resource, Im looking forward to getting to know some of you.

First a big welcome

I also feel we get worse as we get older, this is in fact which lead me to being diagnosed last year, just like you I was isolating myself more and more and just knew the was some think, I had never quite fitted...

Do not be hard on yourself as it can be so hard at first, in fact quite a shock and then its like we need to grieve the loss of who we thought we were, but after that I really found a joyful inner peace as all my past started to make sense...

I think the hardest thing in being a parent is trying to live up to stereo type expectations... they do not exists anyway and there are no prefect parents...

Nice to meet you, MisterZip.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi MisterZip

welcome to WP!

i'am in similar position to you, married, kids, self dx etc.

nice to meet you

Welcome to WP. However isolated you feel in the 'real world', you'll find you are not alone here! In particular, there seems to be a surge of those who have struggled from before AS was discovered. Somehow managed to get jobs, partners, kids yet still the struggle never stops.

You're experience has a parallel with mine. And after decades of trying (and failing) to fit in, my current plan is to not struggle to fit in but to struggle to be me

How does you AS diagnosed friend feel about you also having it?

Hi.

Hello

He didnt believe it at first, till I took the test and we started talking. I think the fact that we're both aspie is the reason we've gotten along so well.

Welcome to WP!

Why not let your wife set up social situations and show up? There's something to the saying "showing up is half the battle".

Hi.
Welcome to WrongPlanet.
Enjoy posting here.