Hi there - 40 and undiagnosed

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Hi there

I have been reading up on Asperger's and it feels a bit like the story of my life. I won't list all the details but I recognise the 'little professor', the wide vocabulary, poor motor skills, the bouncy walk, the feeling of awkwardness and a whole lot more.

I have only just realised that I probably have this condition, and while I am relieved that some of the less explicable things in my life have just become a bit more explicable, I'm a bit confused on where I go from here. I understand that there is no cure, and I wouldn't want to be cured anyway, but I would like to feel less awkward and get a bit better at forming friendships.

I guess my questions are:

Is there any point in going to the doctor?
Assuming that I do have Asperger's, should I tell anyone? (parents, employer etc)
Given that I have been the way I am all my life and am only starting to ask these questions at the age of 40, have I left it too late anyway?

And most importantly...

What happens next?

Thanks for reading this

Richard

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WP!

Pleased to meet you, Richard99, and welcome to Wrong Planet. The decision to tell or not to tell someone about your Asperger's is being discussed right now in the General Autism Discussion forum. If you wish you can check it out: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt79564.html Good luck in your decision making, take care now, Richard, and all the WP best to you in everything.

Hi Richard - good for you! I imagine this takes a great amount of courage. My husband is in the same boat - he's 42. Although he was told he may have AS by a guidance counsellor in University. He has read an article recently and expressed how much he had identified with it. The problem is, at this point my husband wants nothing to do with finding out more, seeking treatment/therapy, seeing what he can do about his anger and helping our very injured marriage. I play my own part, wherein I probably enable his lack of engagement partly due to my feelings towards his anger and partly due to my lack of boundaries. I am seeking therapy for this, so I guess it will come down to a decision if my changes do not ripple out to work as a catalyst for him seeking changes.

I don't have many suggestion in the way of reading material and such as I am so new to this world myself. I have noticed a good book that I've reserved at my local library. It is called "The Complete Guide to Asperger's" by Tony Attwood.

Good luck in your journey!!

Hi, glad you found us. Hope this becomes a great learning tool for you.

This is a personal issue. It really depends on how much it affects you, (i.e., are you suffering from depression from it, do you think you need counseling, etc.).

Again, its a personal choice. Some people have a good experience telling others about it, others dont. As far as your employer goes, if you dont need "reasonable accommodation", I personally wouldn't bother. I personally tell anyone with whom I wish to develop a friendship with, so they understand me better, or will be encouraged to ask questions so that they can.

It is never too late to understand yourself better.

Now you start living for real

Hi Richard, welcome to WP.

Is there any point in going to the doctor?

Depends what you want. If you need to apply for welfare, yes, if not it's up to you, this is a common question and you can have a look thru the archives here (use the search function).

Assuming that I do have Asperger's, should I tell anyone? (parents, employer etc)
Not immediately, family don't tend to 'embrace' the idea, generally. Mine totally rejected it. Telling people can make you more vulnerable anyway.

Given that I have been the way I am all my life and am only starting to ask these questions at the age of 40, have I left it too late anyway?
No, I got dx'ed at 40, it's a shock and a relief. I would rather have known earlier.

And most importantly...

What happens next?
It took me 3 years to adjust to the idea that I have AS and that's pretty typical, you generally go through some period of denial as well. Then you read a lot about it, but life goes on eventually.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Nice to meet you, Richard99.

Thank you all for your responses.

I have managed to answer one of my questions; given that I can get from one end of the day to the other without serious problems, I don't think I need to see a doctor.

Also, I think you have answered another of my questions for me. I'm glad it's not too late.

Thanks again

Richard

Happy we could help.