I dunno. . . . Maybe.

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Joined: 16 May 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 15

19 May 2009, 6:39 pm

About 8 months ago, I was reading the symptoms of Asperger's, and it sounded exactly like my dad. And my brother. It was eery. So I told my family. They flipped. "How dare you! Who do you think YOU are? You're not a professional. You don't want to wish that on anyone!!"

Oh. Okay.

I told my hubby about the whole conversation, and he said, "Honey! Them?? . . . Are you kidding me? YOU! That describes YOU!!" I think he loves me because of those quirks.

I didn't think much of it. Until just this last week, I read more of the symptoms:

* Hyperlexia (I read at 2yo.)

* Delayed gross motor skills (I didn't walk until I was 18mo.)

* Physically ill when approaching social events (There was not one birthday party in my childhood that I didn't vomit before, during, or after). Music competitions frightened me to the point of being sick too.

* Using words or phrases without really understanding them.

* Bad handwriting.

* Big problems in following verbal instructions.

* Sound and light sensitivity. Heat/Cold sensitivity (We lived in Tulsa for part of my childhood, and I had a headache every single day in the summer.).

* Odd ways of solving problems. I've never been tested for anything ever (except those usual achievement tests in school) except for a particular NIH trial. I don't remember what she was looking for, but she handed me a page of mazes in which I was to finish as many as possible in an allotted time. I did them the way I always finish mazes -- backwards. It always works. I think it's 'cause the maze people don't design them to be read that way so you can see "ahead" better or something. And I buzzed through a bunch backwards, and the buzzer rang. I looked up and she was sitting there with her mouth hanging open. I said, "What? Did I do them wrong?" And she said, "Why did you do them backwards?" I told her, and she just continued to stare. I think that's what this description means, yes?

* I was terribly bullied in high school. It was just awful.

* I'm literal, but in a weird way. Like answering rhetorical questions? That kind of literal. . . . But on the face of it, you wouldn't think I'm literal because well . . . it's a long story.

* I get really, really, really intense about any interest. I read and read and read. And read. My dad does this. My brother. My grandmother did too. Intense interests.

* I talk on and on about those interests. My dear husband will just tell me, "Honey, I am not in the mood to listen to that right now." And I back off. But I actually got in trouble in my last place of employment over my intensity. They labeled it a "spiritual problem."

* I have a terrific knack for misreading nonverbal cues regarding power. In fact, I completely miss those cues that I'm talking to a powerful person. Completely miss them. And so when Mr. Powers-That-Be says something stupid, I tell him. And that gets me in trouble. Big, big trouble.

* So I say inappropriate things.

* I can be empathetic. That article that was recently released about people on the spectrum being hyper-sensitive instead of hypo-sensitive made complete sense to me. I think that's what also has made me look at this more seriously. Because I feel everything in the room. Everything. The color. The layout. The dust. The mood. The tones. When I'm particularly low (like I've been the last few weeks), I feel just like a piece of flotsam in the ocean.

* Right now? I'm up here hiding from my family because I've spent the day out with people (at a museum and megastore), and I'm just spent. I need to have down time. I really need to have brain time.

* I see patterns that no one else sees or notices. That's why I like knitting.

* I get attached to things. Ask me why I have my Barbies still here on the desk next to me. I'm FORTY YEARS OLD!!

* I guess I do crave routine/ritual. I never noticed it as much as just recently.

* And I've caught myself stimming and lip-biting and such.

I took that test on Wired and got a 39. And I took that longer test that you all recommended (from rdos dot net), and got "You are most likely an Aspie." But the score is on the other computer. . . .

Anyway, I had to get all that out. I'm seeing more connection with this. It explains a LOT!! I don't see any reason to get a diagnosis, but at the very least I can understand myself better and use some of these coping mechanisms. For decades now, these quirks have been treated as weakness and laziness and "sins." Shame. . . .

Thanks for listening.