Hi everyone, I'm new

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Well, hi everyone. I've been to this forum I few times before and I thought I would register tonight and tell you a bit about myself.

I have never been diagnosed with anything before. I didn't even know about AS until last year when I was doing some research. I found that it greatly describes me and my life, even though I've never been to a doctor or taken any tests in person. Basically, I'm 17 years old, and a junior in high school, though my school year ends on Friday. I live in northern Virginia. This past school year has been an eye opening one for me, as I finally realized that, for what is essentially most of my life, something has been "wrong" with me. Until this year I lived oblivious to the fact that others had noticed this. I have no idea what made me discover this, but it changed my outlook on life for the worse.

I have always been a very quiet person, for as long as I can remember, even as far back as elementary school. All of my teachers described me as quiet and studious, and I was in several gifted programs. This was back when I still made my parents proud of me, because I got very good grades (straight As and Bs through almost all of elementary and middle school) and they appreciated that. I didn't have too many friends, but I thought that was okay. What I didn't realize was popularity came with friendship. In elementary school I was very stunted in the social development factor and I still am in many ways. My mother doted on me too much and did everything for me. To this day I still don't know all the essentials of doing laundry or cooking, because when I try to do these things I mess up. But anyway, in 5th grade I was exposed to bullying for the first time. I was too socially naive to notice that kids were making fun of me behind my back and taking advantage of me being too nice. I had three friends in 5th grade. One of them moved before middle school and I never saw them again. The other two were never in any of my classes again until this year, and I managed to reconnect with one of them. I don't think the other even remembers me.

But on to middle school. In 6th grade I made a good friend to replace the ones I lost in the transition to middle school. This friend was named Ryan. Ryan ended up being the most influential person in my life so far, both positively and negatively. Ryan had just moved here and had no friends yet. The two of us became best friends and for the first time I really connected with someone. However, there was one major difference between me and Ryan: Ryan had a talent. He can sing very well. It was 7th grade that things started to fall apart. Ryan auditioned for and won the lead role in our fall musical. Instantly, he became popular overnight. He got dozens of friends through the drama club/play and hundreds of admirers. I became his less popular sidekick. I didn't notice a big difference between our situations until 8th grade, when Ryan again won a large part in the school play and continued his path to stardom at school. I continued to be nobody. It was at this point my parents began to compare us: "Why can't you be more like Ryan? Why don't you be in the play too? Why don't you go to parties or socialize?" I also developed a crush on a girl for the first real time at the end of this school year, but I had no idea how to talk to her. If I tried being funny I just came off as immature. She was part of Ryan's increasingly massive circle of friends, and so she appreciated people who could sing and dance or had some kind of talent, which I did not.

By the time we reached high school, Ryan realized I was the weakest link in his circle of friends. I was the person who didn't belong. I was too smart, too intellectual, too interested in computers and not music and socializing. Ryan never officially kicked me to the curb, but it was his birthday party in 9th grade that I finally realized he had ditched me. Ryan told me he wasn't having a party that year. But I became suspicious and tricked one of his friends into revealing he had not only had a party, but had invited all of his friends except me and George. George was like me. He was interested in video games and tabletop gaming, didn't socialize, and was for all intents and purposes a "nerd." We bonded over our common denominator of being ditched by Ryan, for not being cool enough for their group. Unfortunately, this was when I realized I have no idea how to make friends. I clam up when people talk to me, and I always think people are taking advantage of me. I can't read body language and any time I see someone look at me I think they're making fun of me behind my back. I'm too quiet and sit by myself and don't talk to anyone because I don't know how. I'm too afraid of speaking to someone I don't know because I might say the wrong thing and then they'll make fun of me more. This doesn't just apply to people at school, it applies to everyone. I am physically terrified of speaking to anyone I don't know. Whether it's a person at school or the checkout attendant at the grocery store, I'm petrified of social contact. George is my only real friend, but I don't even tell him anything about my life. We only talk at school. I have a few other acquaintances, but I don't feel comfortable divulging anything to them.

However, my biggest issue in life is my family. They don't understand or know anything about me or my situation. Ever since their dream child Ryan disappeared from my life, they think I have no friends. This is partly true, but they don't know why. They don't realize that it isn't as simple as "going outside and talking to people." My parents divorced when I was in 7th grade and I live with my mom, but my dad lives five minutes away and is on good terms with my mom. They both, but especially my dad, make fun of my lack of friends and lack of social life. My dad thinks I'm a failure. My grades started slipping in 10th grade as I lost motivation for school. My teachers have described me as "brilliant" but unmotivated to do work. My younger brother, who is 14, is their star now. He has many friends, is popular at school, and plays the guitar in an elite group at his school. They are always proud of him and compliment his success, which he deserves. But then they all look to me and wonder why I can't do anything. My brother often joins in the jokes at my expense, and has referred to me behind my back as a "freak with no friends." More than anything else, I just wish I could make my parents proud of me again. I don't know if that constitutes academic success, or a thriving social life, or a special talent, or a combination of those.

This school year, as I said at the beginning, was the most revelatory. I believe this began at the beginning of the school year when, for the first time since 8th grade, I developed a liking for a girl again. Unfortunately, this time the circumstances were much worse. This girl was very popular, even though she had just moved here. We only spoke once and I couldn't speak straight and so she probably thinks I'm an idiot. That was in September. We've never spoken since but I pass her every day in the hallway and try not to look in her direction because she'll probably think I'm a stalker or a "creeper," my school's new favorite word to describe anyone just like me: quiet, unsocial, few to no friends, unattractive. As I wondered what made me so unlikable, I looked back on my life so far and determined everything you've seen above and realized something was very wrong with me.

Now, as the school year comes to a close and I get ready for my final year of high school, I've come to the conclusion that I've failed at every aspect of life. My grades are dangerously low and I will likely have to attend a community college; as I live in a very financially affluent area with one of the highest college enrollment rates in the country, this would be extremely embarassing especially to my dad, who always hoped I'd go to college; just another way I've disappointed him. My social status continues to sit at rock bottom; this past weekend I finally decided to join in on the Facebook craze and realized after a day that I have exactly two friends, one of them being George. My chances of getting a girlfriend remain at slim to none; my chances of knowing how to act and behave around a girl remain at zero. I can't interact with anyone socially, academically, or emotionally. My only solace comes in the form of computers and the Internet, which are my biggest interest and which no one I know shares. My parents hate with a passion that I'd rather explore the Internet and computers rather than go to parties and socialize. Though I have never told anyone about this, in real life or on the Internet, suicide comes up as the most viable option almost every day. I don't want to keep living like this. I want friends, I want my family to be proud of me and respect me, I want to be able to interact with others. I just want to be normal.

This post ended up being way longer than I wanted it to be, but I ended up spilling all my thoughts out as I've never told anyone most of this before. Sorry if I bored anyone.

Hello BSD.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Your post wasn't boring at all. Just realize that there is allot more life left. School years suck! I think everyone goes through this, but Aspies have an extra difficult time.

Have you considered being assessed for Aspergers? Since you're here and you mentioned not getting social cues, having problems with eye contact, difficulty communicating, and difficulty making friends, I assume you think you might be an Aspie. Finding out if Aspergers explains why you've had difficulties socially may help improve your self image and not feel guilty about past social failures. It may also help you intellectually figure out ways to compensate and improve your social abilities.

You're only 17. You have so much time to shape your life. I wish I learned what Aspergers was when i was 17 instead of 31.

Glad to meet you, BDS, and welcome to the Wrong Planet.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WP!

Hi BDS. Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation right now. I think to a certain degree, all teenagers have it rough. It's just a weird time in life - not a kid, not an adult, not sure who you are, seeking independence but craving parental approval. Argh! I remember my teen years and wouldn't EVER want to go through them again. (I thought about suicide, too. I'm really glad it never went beyond just thinking about it though.)

Here's the short version of what I have to say: The person you are at 17 is vastly different from the person you will become at 27 or 37 or 47 and beyond. You don't care about the same things when you get older. And when you look back, you'll laugh at the things that used to torment you. I promise! Also, you are NOT alone. Even Ryan and the beautiful girl you currently desire go home and cry sometimes and wonder who they are and what they're doing on this planet.

Everyone suffers. Some of us just go through it worse.

(That wasn't really a short version, sorry). But the rest of what I wanted to say is this: You have two obligations in life. One of them is societal and it involves getting decent grades and hopefully going to college and definitely getting a job. One of them is personal and it involves immersing yourself in what you love even if no one else understands it. You must learn to do both. Some people are lucky in that those two roles blend well. Most of us, though, grit our teeth through the societal stuff just long enough to make a little money and then rush home to enjoy our personal lives.

Also, you might want to print out your post and show it to your parents. I know it will be hard at first, but it might come as a relief to them to have some answers into why you're so unique.

Finally, I'll be your Facebook friend if you tell me how to find your page.

Good luck. Please tell us how it turns out.

First, thanks to everyone who welcomed me, it means a lot.

Second, I guess I should update on the situation. My mom keeps threatening to send me to live with my dad. I don't think she'll really do it, but it's worth mentioning. She is angry I don't have a job but doesn't understand why--as a teenager, retail is pretty much the only job available, and by definition retail involves constant contact with other humans, which I cannot do. She keeps saying she's trying to be nice to me, and I think deep down she is, but she doesn't make any effort to learn why I'm different from other people. She says I spend too much time on the computer. But she wouldn't have an issue if I spent all day playing football, would she? Why is a computer different than football? Because football, and any other "legitimate" (in her mind) hobby, involves interaction with others. The idea of solitary entertainment is lost on her completely.

I don't know how I'm supposed to explain everyone is different and has different interests that might not involve other people.

Although you are only 17 years old and I am 41, I assure you, your story reads like I could have written it.

I wish I could tell you that all the things you are experiencing get better. But sadly, I cannot. You cannot change anyone; Except yourself. If you change the 'way' in which you deal with people, then their responses to you will change as well. You cannot change your parents, nor your brother, but you can stand up for what you believe in!! Example: when I was younger and my mother made smart-ass comments to me like, "why do you have to be that way?", I would just be quiet. I took the pain of her words to heart and couldn't respond. Recently, my mother said something similar to me and my response was, "Ya know Mom, you've told me enough times how much you don't like or understand my personality. I'm 41 years old and I got it, so really you can stop telling me now." She got very quiet, and I think she was actually embarrassed by the truth of what I said.

I spent my 20s and 30s learning to simply "not care" of what people thought about me. A friend at work, my only friend at the time, invited me to a concert and that was the first step. She introduced me to her friends, and then I had more friends than I ever had. I learned at age 21 the power of alcohol. Now, I'm not condoning this but hanging out in clubs and bars with friends, and getting drunk, helped me unbelievably so. I could be calm, cool, interact with people and socialize. I watched how people talked to one another, and learned what you could say that got them interested in talking. I still to this day have trouble with being in groups of people. But give me one drink and I'm the life of the party.

Through all of the bad things I've experienced, the one thing that helped me the most was -KNOWING- that I AM A GOOD PERSON and I cannot stress this enough - STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. The bullies and as*holes of the world hate nothing more than for you to stand up, look them in the eye and say with conviction, "I don't care what you think. Your approval of me is neither required nor desired. So piss off." When they see that they cannot "get to you" they will usually leave you alone. And if they don't, my favorite thing is to use 'intelligence' to get back at them. If they beat you up, file charges and have them arrested. You could file a lawsuit against them for the psychological and/or physical stress they've caused, etc. Or use your brains to get information on them. A picture you took exposing a guy cheating on his girlfriend, can REALLY mess his life up. Anonymous email to the girlfriend, and then sit back and wait for the explosion! I do not condone or approve of such behavior but I have seen it used rather wisely.

I know this is hard to think of at your age. But take it from one who has firsthand experience, things WILL GET BETTER. You WILL make more friends, you WILL find your place in the world, you WILL find a girlfriend and then a wife, you WILL get past the bad stuff with your family. Your family, like mine, grew up differently and their past experience is all they know. NTs cannot think outside the box and are not as smart as you, seriously. At 17, you have probably passed both your parents' intelligence in analytical and logical thinking. They are closed-minded and insecure. SEE THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE. You don't have to tell them or try to change them. Just change YOUR PERCEPTION OF THEM and start seeing them in a different way.

And IT IS MOST DEFINITELY OK TO play computer games and spend time alone. I was party-crazy in my twenties but by age 30, I was a homebody and now I'm a gamer to boot. I don't leave the house unless I NEED too. It's NOT wrong, it's just YOUR PREFERENCE so don't take it to heart when people speak out against it. Turn it around and show them THEY don't make sense to you.

Junior High and High School are the worst years of your life. PERIOD. I still have baggage from those years that comes back to haunt me once in awhile. But what I did learn was invaluable. All those years of 'watching' people's behavior made me an expert. I can 'see' so clearly their faults and idiocy. Recently at a get-together with friends, someone joked to one friend that he had a new girlfriend every two weeks. Without even thinking, I stated rather bluntly, that it was because of the poor relationship with his father. That his father had abandoned his mother and him at a young age, and his level of emotional intimacy became stunted because of it. I really didn't mean to blurt it out... it was truly an AS moment. Everyone in the room got quiet and looked at me. What happened next was shocking... the friend started asking me questions, asking how he could fix it because he DID want to get married one day, and he doesn't understand why he dumps girls so quickly. I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER CARED TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH, he said to me later.

DO NOT THINK OF YOURSELF AS WEIRD OR WRONG. YOU ARE ONE OF US, AND THAT IS INFINITELY BETTER THAN BEING ONE OF THEM.

If it will make you feel better, or give you peace of mind, go get that AS diagnosis. Nothing says "you've been sh***y parents all these years", better than a doctor's diagnosis proving it.

---Sorry for my long post too

Wow, thank you for all of that. I'll take all those words to heart.

you guys write lots

hi, welcome!