Hi, I'm new!
I'm not officially diagnosed, but, I've always been undefinably and categorically different from everyone I've met. In many aspects, and in countless cicumstances it's been evident. I semi-recently discovered the term Asperger's, and found a loose discription. I pondered the possibility, as I have always pondered the possibilty of autism. But did not think my "symptoms" where ever severe enough for it to actually fit autism.
Then a couple months ago I stumbled upon a thorough Asperger's book, while perusing a local bookstore. I started reading, and several hours passed. I even wept, right in public, I don't know why. I couldn't accept it for a little while, denial of sorts. But, I found my answer, the one that has plagued me from my earliest recollection. But, if pressed, I believe I also have ADD and and anxiety disordy. And have gone in and out of depression repeatedly.
I guess you can say, I've become a very good actor, through percieved necessity. I have always conciously acted like "normal" when around people so as to coexist peacefully. A process that is unendurably mentally draining. Even still, I felt like a fake, sometimes not understanding who I am, and when I married, felt compelled to not act so much around my wife. That ended poorly. I understand it, vaguely. Something silly like wanting to be liked for me, or some nonsense.
My son is showing early signs of Asperger's as well, for him I intend to seek guidance and support of some sort. He is the source of my interest in answers. I want him to not go through life not understanding why and how he is different from everyone else he knows. And to attempt to learn the various strategies to develop upon some of the natural weaknesses that come along with the syndrom.
That's my little tidbit of a story.
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Not all those that wander are lost - JRR Tolkien
10 Aug 2009, 5:20 am
I hope you like it here.
