I'm 36 and very recently did the online tests and scored borderline on each which made me very happy. I now know a lot more about myself and why I do things the way I do. I am happy to "almost" belong to such an elite group of whom I think are probably the most interesting people on the planet. I won't bore you with the details except that from a very early age I have been "into things" in a very intense way, and when I have achieved certain goals in that field or a particular understanding of it, then I become bored with it and start something else. I call them my projects.
These have included photography, insects, birds, fossils, astronomy, brazilian jiu jitsu, Thai boxing, creative writing, pets of all kinds, sculpture, falconry, spiritual stuff, fishing and stand up comedy. So as a big hello to everyone I would like to try and get you to crack a smile at some of my jokes. I did stand up for a year and did 110 shows, was managed after my fifth show, came 3rd in a regional competition and was on t.v once. Then I got bored with it. Enjoy.
Every cloud has a silver lining - especially when you have cataracts.
A friend in need - is best left alone.
Necessity is the mother of invention - but we've no idea who the father is.
All's fair in love and war - except my girlfriend who's ginger.
Sticks and stones may break my bones - but a high velocity rifle will kill me.
Birds of a feather flock together - birds without feathers should be classed as disabled and given correct concessions and benefits.
I dont think my dad liked me very much when I was a kid. When I was 8 he took me to disneyland - turns out it wasn't disneyland at all - he'd given me an acid tab and took me round a museum.
He bought me a slinky - I lived in a bungalow.
He wired my operation game to the mains.
He took me to blackpool to watch the other kids ride the donkeys.
He used to make me alphabetti spaghetti. I would look in the bowl and it would say "Your not my son"
He made me play buckaroo with a real horse.
He bought me an American speak and spell-I was the only kid in Bolton who grew up talking like John Wayne.
He used to put russian story books in amongst my own to make me think I was dyslexic.
My weebles never wobbled cos he filed them down.
He took me to watch the wind in the willows - three hours staring at trees.
My boss asked me to log on her computer - so I crapped on her keyboard
I went to the new forest and saw a group of wild boars - I say wild boars, they were just accountants drinking Lambrini.
I like to get drunk in the departure lounge of Manchester airport - dressed as a pilot.
Variety is the spice of life - and the name of the charity that takes my disabled brother to the seaside.
I went to the doctors because my piles have been killing me. H e said try high fibre bread - so I did. My fingers went through it every time.
06 Jun 2006, 1:41 am
