More than just weird? (wondering if I am "on the spectr

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Hello there. I discovered these forums a few days ago and after extensive browsing decided to sign up and post. To begin, I'll give you a bit of background about myself. Just a warning, this post is very long.

I have been interested in the subject of autism and asperger's for many years, partially due to my general interest in neurology, but also because I can so strongly relate to the symptoms. I am here now because due to a number of personal problems lately, I have been seeking a greater understanding of myself and how I can improve my life.

I have been wondering lately if I am "on the spectrum" as I've heard it said around here. I took the "aspie quiz" and scored 144 out of 200 (I believe), which meant I was very likely on the spectrum. My reasons for believing this go back to my very early childhood. Let me first say that I have always been considered 'weird' or 'odd', and never really understood why. I have tried all my life to fit in and be 'normal' with varying amounts of success. I have had many social problems and as a result have social anxiety. Eye contact feels unnatural and when I try to do it I am so preoccupied with doing it correctly that I have trouble focusing on the conversation. I often have trouble relating to people and saying the right things. I rarely know what to do in social situations. Interesting that this website is called "wrong planet", as I have often said I feel like another species entirely.

My symptoms do not end there, far from it. I wouldn't even say the social problems are the stand-out feature (though they are the most troublesome). I have also had many sensory issues, most notable being my hypersensitivity to sound and touch. I often feel 'overloaded' and cannot concentrate. Shopping is very difficult for me because with music playing in stores I can't think and often leave with nothing. I am very introverted and require hours a day with minimal stimulation during which I can 'process' things. I dislike large crowds and cannot be around people (even those I like, like my boyfriend) for extended periods without a break.

I have a tendency towards formal and pedantic speech, and was a very verbose child. I have noticed an odd rhythm when I am talking about something I am knowledgeable about and can go on for great lengths. People tell me I talk too quietly. I am very (overly) polite.

As a child, I walked on my toes and have always been considered extremely clumsy. To this day, I walk into walls, drop things for no apparent reason, and even loose my balance when standing. It can be comical or sad, depending on how you look at it. As a child I would often fall and cut myself and would carry on playing without noticing blood or pain (this often horrified my mother). My handwriting is very poor. I have symptoms of dyslexia and auditory processing disorder (I often hear just jumbles of sounds instead of words). My sleeping has also always been very disturbed; I was diagnosed with insomnia at age nine and was told to "get a night job".

The number one symptom, however, would be my obsessive interests. I even categorize my life by whatever I happened to be obsessed with at the time. They are narrow and intense and I feel the need to learn absolutely everything about it. I can focus with great intensity on something I am involved in, to the point where I am oblivious to whatever is going on around me. I get very irritated when interrupted.

I also have many 'obsessive compulsive' symptoms. I am very concerned with order and can be very 'black and white' in my thinking. I require strict routines and get very distressed when they are broken. I have to follow strict rules for unusual things. An example would be only using the 'right' spoons or bowls (this was a very big issue for me when I was a child, but has gotten better with age).

I could go on and on, but I think you are getting the point. There are probably many things I neglected to mention, because I can't remember everything all at once but quite frankly this post is long enough. Thank you for anyone who took the time to read this. I am looking forward to any input you can give me on this matter.

It sounds to me like you're on the spectrum. I only found out that I was a few months ago, after my son's diagnoses. My Dad sighed when I told him, then broke the news I was diagnosed autie as a kid.

I really relate to you not being able to shop... I find shopping one of the most horrid things I have to do. I'd sooner pay more for it to be delivered, or buy from a village shop, than go to a Tescos. It's just massively unpleasant having to be around noise, and music, and those bloomin lights, and the freezer hum, and so many people. I often get overwhelmed in these places. My husband could never understand it, and neither could I.

But yes, I do have hypersensitive hearing, and sensitivity to light. And though one on one I can talk to people and understand body language, etc, I'm get increasingly less happy in a group, and find myself increasingly sealed off from the conversation.

Finding out that you're on the spectrum is actually quite liberating. I realised that things that always made me feel bad before, like my obsessions (sci fi and languages are "constant" obsessions, and in the past I've obsessed on chess, nutrition, various historical people, periods, aspects of science that I go into in depth, etc etc) aren't a bad thing.

So, sitting staring at someone's screen saver in order to prove that it's on a repeating loop (every seven minutes 27 seconds it goes back to the beginning) is weird. But it helped me not get overwhelmed in a room with lots of blokes talking about their obsessions. (Why is sport acceptable, but comparing grammar between different languages isn't?)

I'll never be normal, my very few friends will always be at a distance, but at least I know now why. And to be honest, my condition isn't a disability. It's just the way my brain works.

Thank you for your reply, mgran. I laughed when I read about you watching the screen saver--it sounds like something I'd do.

I am lucky because my boyfriend can understand many of my unusual ways. He is more sensitive to light than I am, but I am worse for sound. I wouldn't be surprised if he were somewhere on the spectrum as well. We both hate crowds and have only one or two really good friends. He also requires extensive time alone, which works out well for both of us.

I understand what you say about how some obsessions are acceptable but others are not. I also find it hard to talk to people about things we are both interested in, because I find that I often care about the details a lot more than they do, and when I try to correct them on some things they tend to get offended. I tend to mistakenly believe that other people have the same appreciation for facts that I do.

I would like to have my suspicions confirmed, but am very uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a psychologist. When I was an adolescent, I was placed in a treatment center and had a very bad experience with it. I was blamed for all the problems in my family while growing up in a very chaotic environment. I did not handle the stress well and was diagnosed with 'oppositional defiant disorder' and bipolar. I can now see how those issues could easily be described by aspergers or an autistic spectrum disorder. I even went back to the center years later and was told that they were most probably wrong about me, given how I seemed to no longer fit their original diagnoses. I still have some 'baggage' from that time of my life.

I too disagree with the idea that there would be anything wrong with me if that were the case. I tend to get along with others like me just fine. It's just different, that's all.

Me too!


Yup.



And me.




Shopping is a major bain of my life. A whole isle full from top to bottom with different types/sizes/colours/shapes of coffee jars. While they are pretty well sealed, some smell does escape. It's usually next to aromatic tea as well. I realy don't enjoy that.



Hmm. I could quote almost every thing you typed.



I get a (mild) hard time for being more interested in machines than people but my co-workers put a huge effort into retaining and endlessly discussing every kick of a ball at the football ... and it's me thats weird? I can't get my head around the imbalance in that one.

Oh, and welcome!

R.

It is interesting that you say it's hard to talk to someone about things that you're both interested in, because they're not as interested in the facts as you are. I find this too, and it's very frustrating. For example, I don't often meet someone who speaks both Gaelic and Russian. The only ones I've met are professors working in Ireland. Well, I was really bewildered that none of them were even remotely interested in the commonalities between the pronunciation of the two languages... my theory is that you start to get long and short vowels in the languages of countries that weren't taken over by the Roman empire, and ... eh, nah. I'll not bore you... but the point is, most countries in Europe are still speaking their language with a "Roman" accent. Not a "Latin" accent (the lingua franca was actually Greek) but a Roman accent, and that we can do some kind of phonic archaeological analyses to see what Koine Greek actually sounded like, by seeing how it impacted on spoken languages in the Empire.

Scottish Gaelic, for example, sounds quite different from Irish Gaelic. Irish Gaelic actually sounds more like Russian in terms of its long and slender vowels, the hard and soft consonants (in some dialects) and the aspirated consonants and glottal stops.

Now, you see... I get excited by that kind of thing. Other linguists just look at me...

I could always be wrong, but I like the idea.

Also, I was blown away when I started learning Mandarin Chinese. Best language ever.

Argh, I did it again. I meant to address your whole post, including the horrible trauma you went through as a child... and instead I ranted on about Russian and Irish.

I wouldn't be afraid of getting a formal diagnoses if I were you. What you went through as a child is unlikely to reoccur... things have definitely improved as far as testing, etc, are concerned. For example, my son is finding things much easier at a school where they accept he's gifted, talented, and aspie. Before the school thought he was gifted, talented, and trying to be difficult.

Also, as an adult, you'll be respected more and listened to. I'm sorry that your family had no idea how to help, and that you got scapegoated for everything. I was very fortunate that, though my parents didn't tell me about my diagnoses, they knew from when I was young, and my mother (who was amazing) did absolutely everything you could think of to help me. If it weren't for her, I don't know where I'd be.

If you do decide to get tested, let us know about the process.

Greetings, and welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, M-Chan.

Welcome home.

It sounds like you're a normal aspie.

This is a great place to get insights, and understanding your wiring makes it a lot easier to control things that cause problems, communicate better with NTs, and be your own aspie self.

Glad you're here.

Mgran: I don't understand what the difference between the Roman and Latin accent could be since Latin was the Roman language. I don't know gaelic but I did study Russian for a while and I would like to hear more about your ideas of comparision. Maybe you should make a separate post about it so we don't hijack the OPs.