30 Aug 2009, 1:29 pm
Number 16: If you need immediate attention during a fire, smoke signals tend not to work well.
Number 12: When all of the oxygen is being sucked from the air by fires, that is the exact wrong time to try to make hydrogen peroxide from water.
Number five & 3/8ths: Be extra careful if a fog bank moves in and joins with all that smoke. Remember: smoke plus fog produces Jack the Ripper.
Number C: There are advantages. At night, if looting occurs, all that smoke provides a perfect backdrop for the bat signal.
Number 9: Smoke signals may not attract help in a fire, but I've been told that going topless never fails to attract attention. So if you need assistance, be sure to remove your hat.
Number 3: When hot and thirsty, don't forget to do what you were taught as a kid: yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!! !" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_DEVaJJ ... ature=fvwp
Number 2: As you flee with a mob from an advancing 30 foot wall of flames, remind those around you: "Sure Southern California is hot. But it's a dry heat."
Number 1: *Ah-HEM.* Don't you light Ted Kennedy's funeral pyre, I said. Don't you dare do it, I said.
VERY off the wall sense of humor! I like it. And that's a Navy No S*&%er!
30 Aug 2009, 1:58 pm
You wear the Imperial Purple? Hail Caesar!
I hear your command and obey!
We can't be bothered putting it on the wall. It's a dry humour, so not sticky enough to stay there on its own, but because the shear strength is no greater than that of your average vanilla pudding*, you really need to lay the wall down before you can nail the humour on. Then you have to put the wall up again, because a wall that's lying down is not really a proper wall. And you need a lot of nails. It's just not worth it. Trust me, we tried.
*You have to specify the pudding. Some English puddings have remarkable structural properties, and could be nailed to a ceiling under standard gravity. Just make sure you hit the nails, not the pudding, or you'll never get the hammer back out again.
31 Aug 2009, 1:21 am
good list, chuck.
can also do a good brisket by just sticking it out on the balcony. self-smoking. 
today has been awful. sinuses went insane, i ended up with one of those headaches where you're banging your head on the wall because it takes your mind off the pain. no way i could drive to go to the store to get anything, all i had was tylenol sinus in the house and it wasn't touching it. it finally got cool enough outside that the kid could risk a run to the pharmacy, where she argued with the person at the counter to sell her some of the "old" sudafed, which, when i took it, fixed things in about an hour. i have to keep some of that in the house, i guess. barfing from pain is not my idea of the way to spend a sunday afternoon.
it gets better. fires? bah. there's a freaking hurricane due to come straight up the baja, the weather guy said tonight. hurricanes never come up baja. this one is predicted to be about 250 miles south of us by friday. i absolutely cannot imagine this town if it actually makes it up this far. buildings are not built to withstand much over 30mph winds, and we're not set up for rain of any quantity.
on the good side, it could put los angeles out. they're having hell up there, that fire is just exploding on all fronts. our air quality down here is awful... poor guys. 
we had a grasshopper on the balcony. he ate my heirloom tomato plant before we caught him. so i guess that takes care of the "plagues of locusts" category?
31 Aug 2009, 2:03 am
dry heat. 
SleepyDragon
Veteran
Joined: 28 May 2007
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,829
Location: One f?tid lair or another.
31 Aug 2009, 2:49 am
31 Aug 2009, 10:42 am
31 Aug 2009, 12:50 pm
what you said.
we have "the weather idiots" on tv here, the ones who are more concerned with mulch and surfing reports and social activities in town than actual meteorological news.... i remember one of them telling us (last thanksgiving, i think) that there was a "hook cloud" over point loma and that meant there might be a tornado. no. really. i don't even know why they put them on tv, all they can do is read the script that comes off the NWS/NOAA website. dunno what will really happen, but rain would be good. as long as it's a lot of rain and no lightening. they are starting to evacuate parts of baja (those poor folks have houses less sturdy than we have, they're gonna get slammed).
sigh.
and that damned grasshopper ATE MY TOMATO PLANT. i've been nurturing along that little heirloom plant from an itty bitty seedling, and it's little tomato was just starting to grow, and BAM, the jaws of death get it. not just the tomato, but all the leaves as well. leaving a kind of green stick in place of a happy little plant.
arrrrgh. a grasshopper???? i haven't even seen a grasshopper in years. 
31 Aug 2009, 12:51 pm
31 Aug 2009, 2:02 pm
and of course it will pour rain this weekend. i had arranged to have friday off to "whole house" shampoo my carpets. so with the rain, they won't dry.
which is an improvement, i guess. the last time i took a day off and nuked all the carpeting the town almost burned down.
lelia
Veteran
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Age: 72
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,897
Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
31 Aug 2009, 5:11 pm
31 Aug 2009, 6:58 pm
Ninja grasshoppers are indeed extremely rare. Most grasshoppers come from Shaolin Monasteries and are trained in the art of Kung Fu. Perhaps this one is just a nervous eater - fire-driven munchies? In which case, don't clean the carpet - just yet anyway. If he is a nervous eater, your carpet may be grazed tonight. Wait to see if your carpet is still there in the morning. Nothing worse than slaving your carpet clean one day, only to find it missing the next.
When you do see the grasshopper, ask "Who said, 'Because a man can see, he does not look.' " If the grasshopper answers, "Master Po, plagiarized from the Tao's semi-legendary sage Lao Tzu.", you will know that you are speaking to the reincarnation of David Carradine. If it shrugs its shoulders, you are speaking to the reincarnation of Bruce Lee.
If you don't see the grasshopper - it is indeed a ninja grasshopper. 
In which case, I would say watch out for unexpected miniature Shuriken which will be tossed at you from anywhere at anytime, but the point is moot. You are probably already dead.
31 Aug 2009, 9:18 pm
01 Sep 2009, 9:50 am
01 Sep 2009, 9:54 am
When you do see the grasshopper, ask "Who said, 'Because a man can see, he does not look.' " If the grasshopper answers, "Master Po, plagiarized from the Tao's semi-legendary sage Lao Tzu.", you will know that you are speaking to the reincarnation of David Carradine. If it shrugs its shoulders, you are speaking to the reincarnation of Bruce Lee.
If you don't see the grasshopper - it is indeed a ninja grasshopper.
In which case, I would say watch out for unexpected miniature Shuriken which will be tossed at you from anywhere at anytime, but the point is moot. You are probably already dead.
he disappeared. i was going to go out and loft him over the railing so he would go eat some other garden, but he is gone. ~poof~ vanished. none of the other plants were chomped, just my heirloom tomato plant with the baby tomato on it. it was a targeted strike, i tell you. the ninja bugsmaster sent him. it's a plot....
01 Sep 2009, 1:18 pm
01 Sep 2009, 1:34 pm
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Feeling like I'm falling behind |
15 Nov 2024, 5:19 am |
| Feeling Embarrassed and Second-Guessing |
07 Nov 2024, 6:48 am |
| Coming out of the aspie closet |
Yesterday, 6:47 pm |
| Have you been in a romantic relationship with another Aspie? |
23 Nov 2024, 12:38 am |
