dating problems

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I have a problem. My boyfriend and I are having problems and I don't understand. He has been under stress and I fell like he is taking it out on me. I have broken him of some annoying habits and he was doing just fine. Recently a person from his past who hasn't talked to him in 15 years recently looked him up in FB. I've seen him going back to his old habits and I am getting offended. He tells me the habits are just "part of his world." He seems to be listening to all his other aspie friend except for me. He tells me that he still loves me and not to worry. I see him slowly getting out of the annoying habits as time goes by. What does this mean? Are the habits part of the coping mechanisms or is the relationship over? If it is not over, how can I be supportive so it does work out?

Those annoying habits may be essential parts of his coping mechanisms; if you are "training" him to avoid these things, especially without creating replacement structure... then you may be contributing to the problems he is facing. It's troubling that you seem to have to change this person to fit your needs instead of accepting who they are; the fact that you think the relationships is over based on his reversion to comforting habits is also an example (to me) of not compromising or understanding his own needs. When stressed, the adaptations I've made to interact with others go out the window; my wife has felt that I've taken my feelings out on her, and I'm not even aware that the 'tone' of my voice is off. I don't know how you can be supportive and help things work out; I think you both need to talk and examine what your expectations are for each other. There is the impression that you are trying to sculpt the person you 'want' out of his wet clay, and I can only see that creating problems in the long term.


M.

Can aspies live with significant others? I am wondering if they can because I know that space is important and he is constantly telling me to go for a walk or something because I am smothering him too much. He says I am following him around like a puppy when I only have 2 rooms to choose. I'm just going about my business. I'm really starting to feel rejected. We have a small 1 bedroom apartment. How can I not smother him?

It is a challenge; my wife and I faced a lot of challenges at our condo, because there was simply no place for one person to go and be upset without running over the top of the other person. So we talk walks, or take a time-out outside... but yes, personal space, especially when overwhelmed and coping with stressors, is imperative. Living apart may not be a bad solution to consider. No, it isn't the end of your relationship - you both just have to be flexible with what your expectations are for such a relationship.


M.

my wife, myself and our 2 sons, 6 and 4, all live in a 16x80 trailer and we do pretty well. my sons have their room to cool down in, and i have a computer room i can go in and close the door and i can be ok. you have enough space where you live i'm sure, he probably just needs to go behind a locked door where he can think and puzzle out his different issues, at least that is what i do. i'm always telling my wife she needs to get a hobby, cuz we can't do Everything together 24/7, that is smothering and i can't take that. so now she plays alot of the facebook apps like Farmville and the like, maybe Rock Band, something, anything.
i need "Me" time, especially after work. maybe he needs the same.


hope this helps

That's what he said. He needs his alone time and I will be willing to go somewhere, but we have no car. I sat at a bus stop for about an hour in the rain, just so he can be alone. I hate doing that, but I understand that he needs his space. He gets nervous around me because he feels like he is socializing too much.