39-year old female with probable aspergers...

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I could only do that for girls... Not for a guy. I don't blame you for not being able to help that girl. I too wen't through a very regretable instance like that. I'm still ashamed by it.
It was a year after Highschool , i was 17, and i had a 14year old girlfriend at the time. I was with her and a group of 5 kids ranging from 5 to 14. The only one who was 14 apart from my girlfriend was this boy who i had just met and didn't know his name. We were taking a walk down the street when this car screeched around the corner and came to a stop right beside us. 3 guys who were at least 18 got out of the car.
The 14year old boy who was with me ran across the street trying to get away. 2 of the guys from the car went after him and then proceeded to beat the crap out of him. While the 3rd pulled out a baseball bat and faced off with me but staying with the car. (He was freaking HUGE). I so badly wanted to help that kid. But instead i turned and grabbed the young kids and my girlfriend and fled down a path that lead to a park and a round about path back the way we came.
As soon as they were back home safe i ran back to where we were. It was over then. The boy was badly beaten and was sitting on a pair of swings. The guilt i felt was extreme.
I kept telling myself that the reason why i fled was to protect the others, but....
I kept feeling like i was just a coward!
The reason why i could protect a girl was because of my belief of being honourable and chivalrous! I get very protective of a girl. Not in a jealous way. Not in a restricting way. But in a "If she is in trouble" kind of way!
I think Aspergians tend to feel fear in great quantities. We can't understand the world and that is scary to us. Then we get treated poorly for this. It enhances our fear. Then we get a fear disorder that makes things even worse. Every day we have to battle that fear in order to just cope with the world around us!
I understand how it drove you nuts. I felt the same. What was wrong with me i always wondered. That is why i've searched long for an explanation!
Your regret over Lola is hard like my own regret. But we have to forgive ourselves and try and be more brave for the future instead. We were young. We also must remember (But not as an exscuse) that it was those that bullied who were the ones doing wrong! They are to blame for these things.
We remember and feel guilt because we do care. We are sensitive people with a good heart who didn't have the power to help others or ourselves!
Forgive yourself Rups!

Welcome to this planet, hopefully you will find some peace and acceptance here.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet. May you find your way on our planet and find acceptance here!

A proper diagnosis is best I think, after 25 years of not really knowing what was wrong with me and seeing so many doctors, it was a relief to finally get a proper diagnosis, I went to 3 doctors (just to make sure!) and they all agreed. I don't hold with self-diagnosis, to me it harkens back to when I was in college biology and I was talking with a guy in my lab, he was taking introductory psychology and would come to our bio lab each week thinking he had some other psychosis. Get a proper diagnosis.

The problem is not when you get the diagnosis... the real root of the problem is targeting your areas of concern and working on them.

I agree. I don't need anyone to tell me what I am, and frankly, I'm a bit sceptical about all the different sub-categories. But I have been a lot better recently after accepting there really is something technically wrong with me. No I'm not just too lazy and unmotivated to maintain relationships- it really is much more difficult than it is for a "normal" person, and I should stop kicking myself half to death over it because it is not my fault. I don't plan to stop trying, and hopefully if I accept the problems and work with them I will have better results.

Just that realization is a huge improvement. Now if only I could convince my parents of this... They stil think I should just "get over it" and get me some friends.

I think your stories are sooo sad, I thought I had a bad time at school but to read yours its just too awful.
What wonderful brave people you are you must realise that ; you all came through. Scared maybe but you came through.
My story is similar to most of yours and very like one of you. I was bullied by my siblings an older sister and brother who always stuck together and would exclude me, and my mother who was evil to me she didn,t beat me or anyhting but she would cut me with words. I never knew why she disliked me sooo much, all I ever did was try to please her I was never in trouble at school and got very good exam results. But nothing I did was appreciated; at school I was ignored no matter how hard I tried to make friends no one wanted to know me, not even the the kids that were unpopular because they were in dirty clothes because they came from poor homes or the kids who had learning difficulties.
My mother used to use this fact to target me even more ( when she or my father had a falling out or she was drunk or both) but she was never like this to either my brother or sister.
My father is dead now but my mom is still around she my sister and my brother don't speak to me and haven't done for years I don't know what I've done wrong I have tried to find out but all my sister says is " well we don't get on" which doesn't help. So i keep myself to myself. I have grown up kids from another marrage and a son from the marrage i'm in at the moment who was diagnosed when he was 5yrs I seem to have lots of traits similar to his. Not sure wehter I should get a diagnosis or not still thinking about it .It would answer a lot of questions I suppose.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!