Newbee from Germany - the big question

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Hi everyone!

About one year ago, I began to think I could be an Aspie. Before I could think too much about it, ADD arrived in my mind. That was really interesting and first time in my life I feel "at home". That's really me. Confused, distracted, slowly.
Autism was pushed out of my mind by ADD. But there still is something ADD can not explain and that is why I came back to Autism.

It is my tactile defensiveness. It is destroying my life, really. I love my husband but every time he touches me, I want to run away as fast as I can.
Other senses are nearly the same: I hate noise, I can not walk into a parfume shop, I flee the sun like a vampyr. I could live with that but not without being touched by my husband.

In Germany there is not much to find about adult Aspies. That is why I am here. I hope my english is good enougth and you can understand what I want to say. I can read it much besser than I write it.

My big question is: Is it possible that no one recognized that I am an Aspie over 28 years?
I live a nearly normal life with a job as software engeneer, a home like chaos and a cat.
From childhood on I was different. I always tried to be like those who everyone liked but I failed. They only laugthed: "Hey look, stupid blondie is crying... uh huuu."

My story is too long to tell it all now but I hope it's okay for now. Please ask if you like.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome abroad! BTW, your English is far better than most that I'm seeing lately from USA 'native' speakers (I understand that ability in English is often a badge of honor and a 'brag' thing among Germans). Besides, your English is FAR better than my German! I am now in my 40s and was BADLY misdiagnosed as 'hyperactive' and wired on Ritalin for most of my childhood and adolescence, so you're not alone on that. There are many times when I wish that I could have those 'lost' years, and the decade or two following, back.

Can you initiate 'touching' with your husband?

Good luck!

Mike

Hello moud, welcome,

Hi Moud and Welcome to WP.

I only discovered the existence of Asperger's,along with the realisation that it explained my life,at the age of 47 so I trust that helps to answer your question

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi! Welcome to WP.

First, your English is perfect!

I have a lot in common with you, I think. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2006 at 31 years old. Asperger's had vaguely gotten my attention but I never followed through on investigating. The ADHD et al. were a lot to handle. Then, a while back, my husband brought AS up, citing certain personality traits like my "numbers thing", aversion to touch (especially light), and my social.....um....well, lack of social anything. I thought he had a very good point because the ADD just doesn't account for everything.

Anyway, that brought my mind to AS because my issues with touch are pretty pronounced and I don't mean to, but I recoil, like a reflex, i have no control over it - like when you touch something hot. My husband's been able to go with my flow and he gives me a lot of personal space. He also knows I can take a firm touch but not light ones - are you like that? I would be perfectly happy not being touched, even by him - I guess we have a sort of agreement - the second it's too much, that's it.

And about not being recognized as Aspie for 28 years, it seems very possible. Especially considering the lack of awareness in general. This is kind of a long welcome, but I guess I just wanted you to know you're not totally alone.

oh! And light too- flourescent lights nearly make my eyes bleed! Maybe you could check out the quizzes, they're very interesting!

Good morning everyone!

Oh what a way to start my day.
Thank you very much for your compliments on my English. At school I was really bad at it and almost had to repeat a year.

@Wisguy: Yes, I sometimes want those years back. But one the other hand, I am what I am only because of those hard years. They are not really lost.

I can initiate touching him. I like to hold his hand or hug him. But most times he begins to move his fingers and that is what I hate because first it tickles and then it hurts. Just sitting there without moving his hands or fingers seems to be impossible. Even if I tell him that I don't like it.
I can not believe normal people like tickling. I hate it, it is like pain for me.

What I don't like in 99% is when he touches my breasts or backside. Maybe it's "okay" first time (it's hard but I can tolerate it) but not second time. And he really loves those to places. It's hard for both of us. And I think much harder for him because he is a normal man.
My way of "tolerating" an unexpected touch is uncommon for him too. I just freeze and do not move. Without doing that, I would jump away or even slap him.
When I was much younger, I did that. Touch me and *wham*... mostly on the fingers but sometimes even into the face.

@happymusic:

Ah, thank you.

I know some of these tests in German but I don't remember my scores.
But all had the same result: Maybe you have AS, go to a doctor. Scary...

I am a Extreme Type S. I remember that because I think it's funny I always wanted to be a boy and now I get a result for a male.

Even the test with the eyes was much worse than I thought. Now I get an idea why people react so strange sometimes: I just misunderstand them.


Uh, the face test war really hard.
After the first part I had no idea which one to choose. I chose randomly. But it would have been nearly the same with words. I can not remember anything which I am not REALLY interested in.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hey Moud, sensory processing disorder (those tactile symptoms you have) can be co-morbid with ADD or AS.
I'm wondering if my autistic symptoms are just more severe or that I have undiagnosed ADD that's making my life harder.
Anyway, welcome to WP.

Hallo, Willkommen zu WP! Um... is my German as good as your English...? Nein...

More to the point, yes you could possibly have had AS all those years without a diagnosis as I wasn't diagnosed until 19. I have heard of many others who were in their 40s or older before they were diagnosed. I have diagnosed AS but I am thinking I have a bit of ADD as well. My father, brother and cousin certainly have it...

_________________
I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

Okay, I think my visit at the doctor will get really interesting. I hope he knows about all this.

I told my therapist about my idea that I do not have a trauma but "only" tactile defensiveness and he does not believe it. I tell him again and again but he asks one more time if I can remember something responsible for my trauma.

Hallo Jellybean, dein Deutsch ist gut.
Ah, I love Dr. Who... I could look at your Avatar for hours.

@moud

AS is an (in)famously slippery diagnosis, with even some doctors scoffing at the very notion of it, so it's not at all surprising that you could go so long undiagnosed. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 25, and only after a slew of other "close but no cigar" diagnoses. I'm also personally acquainted with 2 men who were only recently diagnosed later in life, one at 45 and the other at 51, so it's not at all uncommon. I went through a phase of mourning the things that might have been different had I known earlier, but I'm now focused on making the best of it now and not focusing on the mistakes of the past. Best of luck, and welcome to the community.