NT Mama- new here

Post Reply New Topic

Howdy!
I'm the proud mother of 3 boys. My middle child, almost 11, is an Aspie. I strongly suspect my husband is as well. My youngest, 3, is awaiting an evaluation for a possible autism spectrum disorder.

I am about as NT as one can get <since posting this, it's been pointed out to me that having ADHD makes me not NT..which makes sense. So I will explain here that I am extremely extroverted, people oriented, and socially intuitive- very very different wiring than the Aspies in my life>, and am reading everything I can get my hands on to learn about how the world looks and feels to my son. The more I learn, the more his behavior finally makes sense!! We haven't had his diagnosis long...only about 3 months. And I've learned so so much since then, but we are still struggling a lot. Especially with the start of school. He comes home absolutely drained and overloaded. We are trying to help him find the best way to recover at the end of the school day, and hopefully avoid some of these meltdowns.

I am grateful to have an amazing therapy team working with our family. Just this afternoon, one of the therapists helped me find out from my son what would help him have a more comfortable experience in the afternoon. I seem to be unable to ask him these things on my own.. the manner in which I ask overwhelms him, though I'm trying so hard to be gentle. She used emoticon pictures when talking to him! Brilliant! He responded well to it, and also suggested that I write snack choices on a dry erase board so that he can simply put a check mark or underline what he'd like for me to fix him. Conversation takes more out of him than I ever imagined! So much I don't understand, and I'm desperately trying to learn.

I also struggle with tremendous guilt over all the years I demanded and punished and fought with him, because I had NO CLUE way he behaved the way he did. I thought he was being stubborn or manipulative..when it was really a sensory issue or paralyzing anxiety. I just didn't "get it".

All in all, he's an amazing child who impresses the hell out of me on a daily basis. He's brilliant, funny, and charming in his own quirky way. If we can only figure out how to protect him from being overloaded and avoid the meltdowns, which can get quite ugly. Right now, we have meltdowns daily..and it takes a toll on the entire family. But I hope that as we all learn more, and he develops more coping tools, that they will become fewer and father between.

I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone and learning all I can from other parents here, spouses of Aspies, and the Aspies who can weigh in with personal experience. If you're still reading after all that, thanks!

Last edited by MamaLlama on 25 Aug 2010, 7:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I am fairly new here myself. I have a six year old son with AS ( I also have it).
There is lots of good info on the forum, I hope you find it as helpful as we have.
Have you looked into home school for your son? That's what we do.

Hi FJP,
We have homeschooled in the past, and having ADHD myself, I wasn't able to provide the type of structure that he craved. He made the decision to return to school. At this point, with the onset of puberty and all the aggression that seems to be accompanying the testosterone that is surging through his body, I'm not sure I could handle it. I desperately need the time he's in school to recharge my own batteries so that I can be patient and supportive in the afternoon and evening. This summer was miserable for him, for me, and for his brothers as well. We were all desperate for a break from one another.

Technically if you have ADHD you're not NT.

Hmmmm...ok, yes I see your point. I should probably rephrase that to be "extroverted and people oriented" Because while I guess I'm not really NT, I'm also very very different from the Aspies in my life.

Hmmmm...ok, yes I see your point. I should probably rephrase that to be "extroverted and people oriented" Because while I guess I'm not really NT, I'm also very very different from the Aspies in my life.

Welcome!

Hello and welcome greetings to the Wrong Planet forums, MamaLlama.

Hi! Welcome to WP! I am glad you are reading up on information on AS & other Autism Spectrum Disorders!

Don't feel guilty about not getting your son. I grew up when the research was just beginning on Aspergers & PPD-NOS as well as sensory issues. People thought of Autism as classic low-functioning, so I was always above people's radar. That said, my mother did her best without all the tools that we now have. I think one thing is be open to telling your son sorry for any behaviors you misunderstood & reacted to badly if the topic comes up. I think he will appreciate that you are doing your research now. God is helping me repair the relationship I have with my mother, especially now that I told her my diagnosis.

One nice thing is you can get a lot of practical advice here on this forum! I hope this is a great resource for you!

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Thanks ksuther! We've had this conversation, and has said "its ok". I just have a bad habit of beating myself up, and I'm working on that.

Welcome mother of an aspie child, to WrongPlanet.

NT is the absence of an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

That was the understanding I had as well. I'm ADHD, but not ASD, with major depressive disorder and anxiety. My husband is ADHD, and likely AS. My oldest child is ADHD, AS trait, but not enough for a diagnosis, with major depressive disorder and generalize anxiety disorder, my middle child is ADHD and AS, and my youngest has not yet been tested, but I can tell he's most certainly ADHD, maybe AS as well. He has extreme hyperactivity, sensory issues, obsessiveness, and some articulation and expression problems.

Trying to get homework done in this house is next to impossible!! On the other hand, we have a lot of fun being very silly together.