New here - mother of 3.5yo, yet undiagnosed

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Hello everyone!

Glad to have found this forum, as it looks like a busy place, which hopefully means lots of shared advice & experience and hopefully some answers for me!

I'm a mum of soon to be 4 children (baby due in 2 weeks time) and it's my 3.5yo son that has brought me here. He's been a "difficult" child for a long time, but that primarily because of severe eczema since he was around 18 months (with related skin issues going back since before he was 6 months). The eczema made life very hard because of his high pain tolerance level and the damage he would do to his skin, without seeming to mind. I often wondered how much of the damage he did was actually *because* of the eczema, as he'd often rip open his skin when there appeared to be no eczema present (including ripping of his private parts, which was not eczema related - and which I hope to post about shortly, as really in need of advice in that regard!).

Anyway, it was really shortly before his 3rd birthday earlier this year that behaviour started to get quite scary - biting and hiting his parents (often in public) and a load of sensory issues became more apparent. I hadn't always realised everything, or put two and two together. He'd had problems with loud noises for a while (such as singing, machines, crowds, etc) and would often cover his ears - this problem becoming much worse earlier this year. But panic attacks have become a lot more frequent, as well as extreme OCD - major meltdowns because he didn't get the first cookie from a packet, or because someone took the slice of bread he was meant to have. Bright lights/sunshine can cause major panic/meltdowns and violent behaviour. Major sensory issues regarding food since nearly a baby - meal times can be a nightmare, and just the wrong texture of something can result in a plate full of vomit! He's certainly got "selective deafness" (if that's the term for it) and regularly we can tell him something about 20 times before he starts to pay attention (if at all). He often likes to stand on his head on the couch, usually when he's stressed, or rather at the wrong times (such as other people's houses). At the moment he likes to cradle one of his feet next to his face at the table - at all meals, which is rather bad manners, and prevents him feeding himself. But he seems to need to permanantly hold some object to "escape into" - so he rarely has empty hands at the table. And the list could go on, if I wasn't too tired to think them all out!

So after a lot of research, we've begun to wonder if he could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, though at the high functioning, or perhaps aspergers end of the spectrum. The reason we'd be inclined to think he's more at that end is because he is very verbal and well spoken. In fact, he's always been well beyond his age level for speech. We often found it funny that he would self-correct his own grammar at the age of 2. He could tell if he'd used the wrong form of a word (verb etc) and would correct it soon after saying the wrong thing. Something his nearly 5yo sister doesn't even notice or do! He loves words and likes to create his own too.

Anyway, we've yet to take him to anyone about a diagnosis. In some ways, since he seems so clever, I'd hate for him to be considered "special needs" his whole life if it wasn't necessary, as I can't see the need for him to be medicated (at least not at this point). But sometimes it's hard to act like life is normal, and my little boy is normal, when he's such a lot of work!

So, that's me - attempting to be brief! Hope the above makes sense, as I'm a rather sleepy person just now!

Grace x

Welcome!

Hi there and welcome!

From what you've said here, I think you would be well advised to have him assessed. He seems to have a lot of the sensory issues associated with autism, and occupational therapy (OT) and speech and language therapy (SLT) could be very helpful for him.

A diagnosis of autism does not mean medication. My son was diagnosed last year, when he was 7, and seems to have much in common with your son. My son has now also been assessed by an OT who has been working with him on a wide range of issues, including building up the strength in his hands and body, providing specially shaped cutlery which is easier for him to use, recommending equipment and excercises so that he gets the sensory input which he craves and which should calm him. She's also started to work on his oral sensitivity and will try him with some flavoured toothpastes and a finger tip tooth brush.

My son's SLT is currently working with him on regulation of his emotions and is teaching him ways in which he can grade his emotional responses and work out an appropriate response. Right now he is either laid back or enraged - no inbetween.

Both of these professionals liaise with his teachers and spend time with him in school as well as keeping in regular contact with me and providing information on what is being done so we can keep it going at home too.

The only medication which has been mentioned at all, and that was by me, was melatonin to help him sleep. That is a naturally occuring hormone, and a number of members at WP and children of members use it to help them sleep. So far, we haven't gone down that route and are trying other strategies instead, which are working to a degree.

Oh, and my son was also a very good speaker at an early age. Grammatically correct with an excellent vocabulary. He is very bright and was always alert and asking questions about the world around him. His verbal and academic skills were identified in the assessment as his key strengths.

Good luck with all of this. You must be kept very busy and you'll be even busier soon with a new baby!

If you go over to the parents' forum and have a look through the threads there you will find a lot of information being shared about probably all of the issues you've mentioned here.

Glad to meet you, Grace - and welcome to the WP community.

A special Welkome to WrongPlanet, with a K.

The WP Kink