23 year old girl, think I have Asperger's

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Hey!
I'm a 23 year old girl and have ALWAYS had social issues, mostly labeled as social anxiety, my entire life. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and ADD, but the only thing that really explains my experience so far has been Asperger's. I've been reading a lot on this forum and so many things ring true!

Something that made me suspicious that I might have Asperger's were some things my therapist said this summer. While in high school I saw a cognitive behavioral therapist, but this summer I started seeing your run-of-the-mill "talk therapist" to discuss some issues I was having with relationships (parents, friends, boyfriend).

My therapist would constantly ask me how I felt about things or what emotions I was having, or to recognize how I was feeling, and I just could not understand what he was talking about. He might as well have been speaking a foreign language. I really had no idea what he was talking about when it came to emotions. Never before in my life had I not at all been able to even slightly understand something. It was just this complete block, and I knew it wasn't some emotional block. I just didn't "get" emotions.

As a child I was in speech therapy for not being able to speak loud enough and didn't walk until I was two. I taught myself to read at a very young age though, and really enjoyed talking to adults instead of my peers. I still actually tend to get along better with people older than me (for instance my boyfriend is 11 years my senior). As a child I would read my dad's old anatomy textbooks and first aid books for hours at night, and was obsessed with the human body, medicine and diseases. Since then I've had a ton of different interests/obsessions, the most recent being learning about the psychology of relationships or relationship advice. I also have what I can describe best as obsessive or repetitive thoughts. I can repeat the same 'paragraph' of thoughts in my head for a good 20 minutes at a time and not really get bored with it.

Despite general social awkwardness, I've never really had the problem of being blunt or rude. However, I much prefer to associate with men instead of women because the nuances in women's ways of relating to each other/conversing has always made me very uncomfortable. I am often unsure of what people expect or want me to do in certain social situations and need explicit instructions to make me feel comfortable. For instance, if I am at a party with my boyfriend and his friends, if he does not explicitly invite me to sit next to him, I will just stand awkwardly until he does, or sit down far away from him, because I'm always unsure of what's appropriate for me to do. I've always been this way with people, even if I've known them for years and their personalities or expectations never change.

I'll also walk away from conversations because I'm not sure if the persons likes talking to me. And I'm pretty much incapable of focusing during group discussions, which makes socializing sometimes very difficult.

I used to think I was 'emotionally intelligent', but now I think I'm just logical about emotions, if that makes any sense. Which is probably why I'm far less jealous than most people I know. However, I can get very insecure and am prone to 'meltdowns' when it comes to dealing with my parents.

Anyway, this is getting far too long, but I just felt the need to say hi and write this all out! There are so many more things that I read on here that make me say, "YES! That's me!". It's strange to read something that truly fits all of my idiosyncracies -- all of the other things I've been diagnosed with over the years never fully explained everything like this has.

Welcome!

Hi!
I'm new here too, and yeah, I understand what you say. It certainly rings true, these things we read on here.
It's nice to finally find an explanation for our issues as well as others with similar experiences.

hello!

Welcome to WP!

Glad to meet you, ssouvie - and welcome to the Wrong Planet neighborhood.

Welcome. Recognizing yourself for what you are is only the beginning of your journey.

Hi, ssouvie, welcome to WP! A lot of what you're saying sounds very familiar. Figuring out that I (probably) have AS was a huge "Ah-HA!" moment for me--it pretty much explains about 90% of my life.

I am self-diagnosed. If you are interested in doing the same, here are a couple of online tests I used:

http://www.piepalace.ca/blog/asperger-test-aq-test/

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Again, welcome.

Welcome ssouvie. I felt pretty much the same way when I was diagnosed (except I was about a decade older than you are now. You are lucky to find this out younger!)

Welcome to Wrong Planet

Thanks for the welcome everyone!

I got a 30 both times I took the first quiz and am pretty even on Aspie and NT traits on the second quiz. I think I have a mild enough case to the point where I've been able to get by in terms of social situations. However, it's the disorganization, hyper-focusing, repetitive thoughts and fixations that drive me crazy sometimes because I feel like they are totally beyond my control.

I've also done a pretty good job at surrounding myself with artists, punks and other weirdos, which helps me feel a lot less alone!

I really liked that second quiz a lot. I think I'm going to show it to my boyfriend because it's crazy how many of those things I could say at least "sometimes" to.

A very special Welkome to WrongPlanet, with a K.

The WP Kink

Hello and welcome to WP. I have had much help socializing from here! On line and real life!

Welcome!

I was talking to my mom about it the other night when I read that hypotonia (which I have), is a co-condition of AS or autism. I asked her if she ever suspected it before, and she said definitely when I was in high school, but looking back now she can see a lot of signs from when I was a kid.

One that stood out to her was that when I was at MY 4th birthday party I asked her to make all the kids leave because they were "being too loud". How she never thought that was weird enough to get me assessed I do not know.

I'm getting kind of bummed about this. As someone who has been somewhat defined as 'abnormal' for years, from social anxiety disorder, ADD to just being called weird, anti-social or lazy, it's really frustrating to have another 'thing' now. I've come such a long way since high school and am a chatty, sociable, friendly person, and have had successful long term romantic relationships, but at the same time I've been having a lot of problems right now.

Most of them I think because of graduating college (break in routine) and my boyfriend getting diagnosed with leukemia last year (he is in remission now).

I know EVERYONE'S personality is a result of their brain chemistry, but I hate how it's people who are atypical that get boxed in by whatever their condition is. I dislike how it makes me feel I lack autonomy when it comes to how I think, behave or act.

Whew, I need to stop unloading on you guys!