Hi, I'm not really a new aspie here... but...

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Hi, I'm just reintroducing myself because I've had to start a new profile on wrong planet. I moronically didn't cover my tracks and someone fairly influential in my life found out my screen name here. Basically I've lost my anonymity on my former name and feel I can't talk about much without being judged or teased anymore... so I decided to start new and try to avoid the same mistake. It kinda sucks because I had quite a bit of posts... but whatever

I doubt I was very influential as a poster in the past so I doubt people will miss the old me, but I might as well re-introduce myself. I was diagnosed with AS earlier this year. I had spent my entire life feeling alien. I had been in therapy since childhood and only recently about two years ago found a doctor I trusted and who took the time to get to know me and give me the time of day to diagnose me. I have a mix between AS and a mood disorder is what my doctor tells me. The mood disorder is mainly just depression... so I have motivation issues up the... anyway.

I've been told I'm a talented artist... I guess it could be true. I've been drawing since childhood and now specialize in drawing with technical pencils. I mostly have a dark art style that I'd consider my own. I'm fairly self taught aside from a few art classes growing up... where I generally went off in my own direction out of lack of interest for the material. In college I felt my drawing skills were above that of the professors so I kind of just did my own thing with the material and still did very well... despite not doing what the teacher wanted in particular. My motivation issues bite me in the end though... I don't draw very often so I have loads of ideas... I just never end up drawing many of them out. My idea of art seems to be different though. I see an image I've created in my head and I try to duplicate it on paper... I feel more like a printer than an artist. I guess I see art on a technical level is what I'm trying to get at... I don't draw art to express myself, but to flesh out a concept from inside my head to show others an idea. I often feel inadequate in my art because I haven't done justice to the picture inside my head... but I understand what I draw is still well done.

I'm obsessed with fantasy. Anything of appealing fantasy draws me in to dangerous levels. I hate reality as it just feels so many shades of bad. I often get obsessed with a world I've created inside my head to the point where I can get lost there for days if I let myself. I also enjoy hearing about other people's fantasies whenever they let me hear about them. With my fantasy though... I think one day I plan on turning it into a graphic novel or possibly a game.

Currently I live a very lonely life cooped up in a small apartment. I barely leave it more than twice a week for errands. I only have a couple friends that I talk to and pretty much I can count the people I interact with normally within a normal month on a single hand if my thumb counts. I spend a mass majority of my time playing video games (playing in someone else's fantasy) and occasionally I'll get lost in my own fantasy and draw or just think of endless details to a world currently only I know exists. I'm also at most times talking to one of my very few friends... whom I feel very close too.

A little bit about myself in specific would be that I'm a 23 year old male at the time of this post. I'm asexual even though I love being in the company of women and someday want a female companion to spend my life with. I'm very tall and extremely thin. My personality can be hard to explain as I have male and female qualities about my mind. I'm very logical and stubborn in my thinking, but I allow others to express their opinions and I'm very open to others as a person... and I'm open to reason making me not too abrasive in my thinking. I often feel like I'm wearing a guise though ... there are things about my mind I can't put into words around people so I don't feel like even the people who are very close to me will ever truly know who I am. I feel like even though I'm an aspie there are still other things that make me feel alien and I don't know how to express them since not even I know how I can accept those things about myself. I am very spiritual as well... but I don't follow organized religion as I feel they are all wrong. I know there is something more governing this world... I just don't think humans are right in what it is. I feel like I am very in touch with my spirit and through it can feel what is right and wrong and in the end if there is nothing else... I have still been true to myself. I don't see the world through human eyes I don't think... I very often see beauty in what others deem ugly... and vice-versa. I have no idea what I was born for... other than my parents were high at the time of conception

Welcome!

Welcome Lace-Bane

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your life with us.

Shadi

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, Lace-Bane.

That's a shame that you had to start over! But I'm glad you can still post here. So, welcome back!

Thank you and everyone else in here for the welcome back I asked my friend what she would do in the same situation of being found out and she said she wouldn't return to Wrong Planet out of fear of being found out again, but I couldn't do that. I like WP too much I admit that I do feel fairly paranoid about what I say though The thing is is that I have no intention about lying about who I am... so if the same person finds out who I am now... I at least hope they have the respect not to let me know they know. All I intend on doing differently is to not put in information in my posts that can be googled and traced back to me

Edit: I found out the hard way that you have to have permission to start a new profile here at WP... or it will get banned. The moderators here and Alex let me keep my new profile and I think are changing the ban to my previous profile . Things definitely worked out for the best I think