so that is why emotional connection is nearly impossible?

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well, here I am, "newbie"

looks like my son is about to officially be diagnosed with aspergers. His previous diagnoses include ADHD, Dyspraxia, and mild hypotonic cerebral palsy, to name a few. He is so super smart and has such an awesome heart. It nearly guts me when his coping just fly's out the window. He is in first grade. I went in with him for his "share" yesterday. He did well, with lots of help. I still don't think I have fully accepted that he is not "normal". It still hurts my heart when he falls on the floor avoiding transition instead of lining up with his classmates, or what ever the misadventure of the moment is. I want so badly for him to know success in his life, to connect and be accepted by his peers. Luckily he is in an awesome public school with an incredible IEP team of "Joshua detectives" as they call themselves. Love it.

Interesting thing is that I am just realizing that, "hmmmm, I wonder if my husband is aspergers?" - could that explain our great intellectual connection, but total lack of marital fulfillment in the other realms such as emotional, social, spiritual, etc? So much to think about and cope with. I had been about ready to contemplate divorce out of emotional desperation, loneliness of the heart, starving for mutual nurture and understanding. We just started into marriage counseling, what 2 - 3 sessions in. we'll see where this road leads. glad to have found this community.

Why?



You should understand that those with AS have a different set of stressors and priorities than those without AS. While certain seemingly mundane things may stress us, things that you might consider very stressful might not stress us at all. While it is important to you to feel a deep emotional connection to friends, a person with AS may simply desire a friend with whom they get along with and who doesn't stress them. While most people with AS generally do wish to have a few friends who accept them, we also tend to be not as bothered by being alone as those without AS, and in fact, generally need a lot of time to ourselves. So you must understand, your son is probably not suffering in the way that you would be when you reflect his social problems on yourself. When you son is suffering, apparently he throws himself on the floor. So apparently, it's transitions which upset him to the degree that not being accepted by peers would upset you.

I should also say, there are many successful people with AS...professors, doctors, scientists, and probably a good number of writers as that seems to be a common hobby amongst those with AS. In my experience, it's the younger generations who struggle more into adulthood because their parents underestimate them and are over protective.



Maybe you just settled for someone you weren't really into, or he did. There are different levels of compatibility in relationships.



I wish you luck in that.

There's often a genetic component in aspergers. Unfortunately, by the time people have grown up in the darkness it can be pretty challenging to embrace the light. And it stays dark when you do anyway.

Children though can often get to better outcomes after diagnosis and treatment. Remember, noone knows all the answers - be ready and willing to try new strategies.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Hello and welcome from a fellow newbie.
In my opinion parents acceptance of the condition is one of the most important factors in getting and happy and successful life. It seems to me that my parents haven’t quite accepted and understood Asperger’s and it causes me a lot of pain when I’m unable to convey my feelings in a way that is understandable to them.
It’s also awful when Asperger’s is seen as a completely negative thing… some of the things that seem incredibly important to you may not be important to an aspie and should therefore not worry you… An aspie can be lacking in some areas but will most likely excel in others.
The best thing you can do for you son is to hold a net under him when he tries to fly so you can catch him if he should fall.
Just be there for him when he needs you and help him as much as possible with the things that he finds difficult. Then he’s almost guaranteed success.

And about your husband I recommend you read this article: "Are Aspergians really rude and inconsiderate?"
it's on wrong planet's frontpage or here: /article391.html
If he has Asperger’s he might not notice if you are lonely or need a hug. Just say “I need a hug” and I’m pretty sure all aspies would love to give you one. We feel the same emotions and can therefore also be very lonely especially because we find it harder to express what we feel. We also find it harder to understand what other people express.
His way of expressing his love may not be through words (I have never told anyone I love them except my dogs) or body language, but through actions.
Well I hope this helps good luck with everything!

Welcome!