Relieved and frightened...is it normal?

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I am a mother of 2 amazing boys aged 4 and 5.
Since my eldest was born he has always been somewhat quirky, which we absolutely love- however, he has been an extremely difficult child to rais thus far. Since starting school at the beginning of the year his attitude has worsened, he lashes out physically where as befor this did not occur, he also is being forcefull with his younger brother. We do not have a diagnosis for him as we are waiting for 6 long months for a private assessment, but i suspect AS in a mild form. The tantrums (meltdowns) are uncontrolable, and he has severe high anxiety which he cannot cope with. Other symptoms include perfectionist traits, clumsiness, ignorance, lack of interest in most things, but obbsessive over drawing, and which cars have airbags in them. When ever we eat out he makes me read everything on the menu, books must be completed from front to back and tv programs concluded until credits. He has a very severe accent which alnmost sound german yet we live in australia, he is sensitive to loud noises as well. He isnt afraid of touch or feel, and is extremely intelectual, affectionate, and loving. He expresses general concern but lacks empathy...i hope this makes sense. I am not asking for a diagnoses, but i am more venting at this point. He draws pictures of himself with a word bubble fill of just letters, when i ask what those words say, he tells me it is just noise in his head. He can express himself very well, and has told me before that he was freaking out.
Any words on anything above would be appreciated. I want to be the best mother i can be to him.
I am scared for him, i dont know what it is like to live a day in his little shoes, the flipside is that i felt some relif that there could be an answer to all of his difficulties and that perhaps i am a good parent after all.
X Kel X

I have two sons, 4 and 3, both of whom are diagnosed with autism. The oldest is HFA and the youngest is LFA. It can be hard to deal with sometimes, but in many ways, it just means a different set of strengths and weaknesses.

There's also a spectrum. My oldest loves to interact with people, knew his ABC's and could count to 100 at age 2, spells over 100 words and is teaching himself how to play songs on the piano by ear. My youngest is still struggling with just about everything. The skills and weaknesses really depend on the individual.

Your son is lucky to have a parent that recognizes AS at such a young age. I wasn't diagnosed with AS until I was 28... and had plenty of problems in school growing up, both social and academic. Hopefully, your son can avoid a lot of those problems since you're aware of his condition. And I wouldn't be too worried about him. A lot of people with AS do just fine in life. Many have strong intellectual talents. Like I said, it's just a different set of strengths and weaknesses. At least he's on the high functioning/AS end of the spectrum.

Dealing with that is going to be difficult. Be cautious of people who might think of "medication first" there.


Let the school know that assessment is ahead, and then maybe even pull him out for a while, if necessary. The longer he spends in that frightening and confusing environment before more people around him and over him understand and know what to do, the more the current problems might only escalate.


I do know all of this is not at all funny, but I just could not avoid smiling over that one!


Be cautious about letting him be (or eventually becoming) a manipulative, demanding controller there. I am exactly like your son in wanting to know absolutely all options available before trying to decide about anything ... but then at some point there is still the matter of the tremendous difficulty that kind of need of his can bring upon you.

Suggestion: Ask the restaurant manager for a copy of the menu (if there is a printed one) or whether you might be able to somehow take or obtain some pictures for use at home so you can begin steering your son toward possibly reviewing the menu and considering his next selection before actually arriving at the restaurant. The problem with that, of course, might be the possibly of arriving at the restaurant and then discovering some kind of change has been made ... and then you will likely just have to begin all over again. However, I am guessing the issue there is really only about your son not being easily able to "Oh, just pick one, please!" without truly knowing about everything available.


Yes ... our minds floating around within a bowl of alphabet soup. Same here.

If you might be so inclined, see whether you might be able to find and watch the story of Helen Keller as a child. Her "disorder" was not autism, of course, and yet Anne Sullivan, her "teacher", nevertheless was still dealing with a little girl "trapped" within a "world" that neither of them understood. The specific techniques you use with you son are certainly much different, but Keller's story can still be very inspirational in many ways ...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv1uLfF35Uw[/youtube]

That video from you tube is AMAZING!

I thank you both for your insight.
I notified his teacher yesterday of his pending assessment, thankfully there is a roster system in pictures as to how the day travels while he is at school- and he is having no issues there. In fact his teacher sounded surprised when i told her of my concerns. She has dealt and educated many AS children and assures me he is coping wonderfully in that environment.

The car airbags!........of all things....lol

I do not believe he needs medication, and will remain steadfast on that one. I can handle his odd behaviours, however it is the temper tantrums, and meltdown that are becoming more aggressive, AND frequent.

I have two sons, 4 and 3, both of whom are diagnosed with autism. The oldest is HFA and the youngest is LFA. It can be hard to deal with sometimes, but in many ways, it just means a different set of strengths and weaknesses. <<<<<what a great way to look at things.

anything else i should know?

There are people here who have experience with that, and I would assume you will be hearing from them.


Almost certainly, and please share that with the rest of us when you find out!

Keep your head up high and your arms tightly around your children.

I will
Thank you

Welcome!

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

thankyou for being so welcoming

Hello. I am a people (joke) that has experience with aggressive behaviour. The difference is, I do not have a child, I WAS the child! I write on forums for people who have children with Tourette syndrome as well as ASDs, ADHD etc. and a lot of them say they find my advice helpful. Personally I applaud your unwillingess to resort to medication because it is not neccesarily the easy option. Side effects can severely impair other areas of a child's development or make the child feel unwell or 'slow' therefore it is better to avoid it until all other areas have failed to help. I personally have severe Tourette syndrome yet I refuse to take medication because of the side effects.

Often the 'temper tantrums' are not caused by the immediate trigger. If your child has asked for a toy in a supermarket, for example, and you say no, that might just look like he is being naughty if he starts to scream. I describe it as the wooden stack block effect. If you look back over the day, you might start to notice other things that have triggered off the behaviour. The toy might not even be that important to the child.

Sorry to harp on, but I will give an example from my childhood. On an average school day through my Mum's view, I would go to school and come back and have a tantrum/rage over a tiny little thing. As far as Mum is concerned, all she asked me to do was pick my shoes up off the floor so the rage seems highly inappropriate for the situation. However if you dissect the possible situations throughout the school day, it makes more sense. On one day someone might have called me the 'r' word. That's one block. Someone pushed me on the way to my maths lesson. Block two. My teacher shouted at me because I couldn't answer a 'simple' maths question. Block three. Everyone laughed at me because of this. Block four. I panicked because I couldn't go to the toilet at lunch break because there was someone else in there (one of my phobias). Block 5. I didn't have time to eat my lunch because I was stood outside the toilet waiting until it was empty. Block 6. A loud bird startled me. Block 7 (getting unstable now). I got a bad grade on my English work. Block 8. I was one minute late to the bus queue (which might seem trivial to anyone else). Block 9. Then I get home, want to go to my room to vent and Mum tells me to pick up my shoes. Block 10 is added and causes the tower to collapse.

I'm not an expert however, and this is just my experience with my rage. It might be useful to help you understand your son though.

Jellybean!
I thank you so much for your input!
Your last paragraph really resonated with me, my son is only 5 however he finds simple tasks (such as picking up his shoes) a great effort. Perhaps i could talk to him as to why he feels he cant do these tasks when requested, and it may help avoid his afternoon meltdowns.'I have previously asked him why he doesnt want to do something, and he always says "I DUNNO" or it's too hard.....

THANKS !
X Kel X

To WrongPlanet!! !

At age five, its not certain that he can give You an answer! Therefor we "invented" a diary, that folloved our youngest girl in school. This diary was introddused as a tool to help the teachers to inform us, not only of the bad things, that had happenned during the day. But more so to help us see all the things that went on. Especially the small, and greater, victories that had happened... Luckidly for our girl, all her teachers took an efford in using a minute or two writing. - As a result we could help her isolate the negative feelings and let them out in a relatively controlled manner. But more so to focus on all the victories she'd established during the day...
As i learned via my own upcoming, negativity only slows progress! So trying to focus on the positive aspects, thus creates devellopment...

Tahnk you for this suggestion!
I will talk to his teachers today in regards to perhaps implementing this strategy for us

Kel x