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i think my boyfriend possibly has autism or aspergers?? HELP

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paddy9495
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18 Sep 2011, 6:26 am

hi,
am not sure if i am posting this in the correct forum. but here goes.

my boyfriend of 4 months, is lovely, but i have noticed his behaviour (see below),

very fixed routine- will stick to quite a restricted diet, and will eat the same food type and meals every day due to necessity as he puts it rather than food preference. wakes at the same time every day, watches the same programmes, goes to the gym the same time,arrives at my house the same day.same time.he has decided that he wants to go the gym so now he restricts his diet more. if he hears myths about food he beleives it and wont eat it again, (rigid thinking).
can appear very narrow minded, e,g if he met one french person, he would judge all french people on this basis, depsite discussions.

social cues- he will talk and talk but not neceesarly follow the thread of a conversation e.g will make a statement then if people respond he does not repsond to that but carries on with his views. i i have noticed that he lacks awareness of others expressions.when people crack jokes, he does not respond as he can miss the point unless its stated that its a joke, then he smiles out of what he feels is expected rather than understanding the joke.

he speaks very fast, words jumbling into each other and from topic to topic.

he speaks very matter of factly about his mums death and other situtations are very black and white.
he buys 4 pairs of the same jeans,t shirts etc.. all the same.
gets very irritable if his routine is altered eg if he loses his keys or left his watc at work he would drive 40 miles back to get it.

he does not like change.

he is a very caring loving man, and says he would like to meet more people , he does not have friends, and recently feels there is something wrong as he has been told he repeats himself lots (which he does), very forgetful and is very sleepy (but i think the lethargy is linked to his restricted food types.

anything you can suggest?????



Christopherwillson
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18 Sep 2011, 9:34 am

He sounds like a very interesting person(be blessed) Seems like a big possibility he really is an aspie :-)
Do you have any idea whether he knows it himself? and besides that you really love him as i can imagine(otherwise you wouldn't post this)
do you want him to change? or do you wanna know more about him?

This is a great place for both of you at this moment so i would suggest to read some more on here and learn about him.

good luck!


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dontlikehumans
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18 Sep 2011, 9:44 am

paddy9495 wrote:
hi,
am not sure if i am posting this in the correct forum. but here goes.

my boyfriend of 4 months, is lovely, but i have noticed his behaviour (see below),

very fixed routine- will stick to quite a restricted diet, and will eat the same food type and meals every day due to necessity as he puts it rather than food preference. wakes at the same time every day, watches the same programmes, goes to the gym the same time,arrives at my house the same day.same time.he has decided that he wants to go the gym so now he restricts his diet more. if he hears myths about food he beleives it and wont eat it again, (rigid thinking).
can appear very narrow minded, e,g if he met one french person, he would judge all french people on this basis, depsite discussions.

social cues- he will talk and talk but not neceesarly follow the thread of a conversation e.g will make a statement then if people respond he does not repsond to that but carries on with his views. i i have noticed that he lacks awareness of others expressions.when people crack jokes, he does not respond as he can miss the point unless its stated that its a joke, then he smiles out of what he feels is expected rather than understanding the joke.

he speaks very fast, words jumbling into each other and from topic to topic.

he speaks very matter of factly about his mums death and other situtations are very black and white.
he buys 4 pairs of the same jeans,t shirts etc.. all the same.
gets very irritable if his routine is altered eg if he loses his keys or left his watc at work he would drive 40 miles back to get it.

he does not like change.

he is a very caring loving man, and says he would like to meet more people , he does not have friends, and recently feels there is something wrong as he has been told he repeats himself lots (which he does), very forgetful and is very sleepy (but i think the lethargy is linked to his restricted food types.

anything you can suggest?????


your boyfriend has 100 percent got aspergers syndrome he could get some more money from his benefits to start off with dla and incapacity benefit the forms are bananas maybe go to cab if he wants to. any way and maybe getting a diagnosis might help but it also might not help he could speak to a doctor about a diagnosis if you live in the uk might take a couple of months or even more. i do that same time same place stuff. mistakes can be very dangerous for me at times. my mind goes well angry if something is mucking my routines up somethings have to be done on a exact second on a wrong real time phone that is always used or the day just doesnt feel right

(Post edited by TallyMan to correct the bad quoting)



graphicidentity
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19 Sep 2011, 10:17 am

Hi,

It's possible. The key things to notice are eye contact, a complete lack of facial expression, a very narrow range of interests, and a very apparent lack of concern for the feelings of others.



DeeDee27
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19 Sep 2011, 10:29 am

Everyone is different. For example, my boyfriend has been
diagnosed for over ten years. He can keep eye contact and is
very social (he has LOTS of friends). He does, however,
get very anxious in social situations.

Also, I agree with the routine, thing. He tends to make lists.
This helps him greatly.

What we decided to do was to get a Google calendar and make a schedule
to see each other. Google lets you link calendars together so that we
can both see each other's schedules.

Good luck with your boyfriend! :)



pudgy2010
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19 Sep 2011, 5:03 pm

hello, i was on here once before but couldn't figure out how to live chat. so i gave up for now. i am very interested in your story about your boyfriend. i am diagnosed with aspergers (a very mild case of autism. also high funtioning with strong points. i am great at art and music. and obseccively organised. sorry for the bad spelling but i am a good speller ( if i try). ANYWAYS, from what you describe it sure does sound like he has autism to a certain extent. then again every one has a quirk about them. and every one obsecces about something thats ok to be different or maybe even smarter than the aveage bear.hehe. (we aspies are!) sounds like you need to learn about aspergers. check out T.A.C.A(talk about autism .online. that may help you. i will be starting on writing a self help book that includes alcoholism, stress, bullies, school work friends and other life like problems but no telling when it will get published though i will be writing asap. till then good luck with your boyfriend and be understanding., that he needs to do the things he does to live compfortably. iif youdont, you may disrupt his routine and stuff will hit the fan. like an anxiety attack. dont rush him around , let him take his time.i hope my words could help BEST OF LUCK!



Cash__
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19 Sep 2011, 10:03 pm

Quote:
anything you can suggest?????


About what? You made mostly factual statements. You said he is a lovely and caring man and he sounds happy with his life with a few exceptions. If he likes his routines and food choices they when would he have to change? He doesn't like change- where is the rule that says you have too. He doesn't need to fit into some fake mold that society makes.


Quote:
he would like to meet more people , he does not have friend,

Go out on dates and get together with couples that you know.

Quote:
recently feels there is something wrong as he has been told he repeats himself lots (which he does),

When he says something, verbally acknowledge it. I often repeat myself until the person I am speaking to acknowledges it. I can't read any body language or facial expressions and generally don't make eye contact. So I can't tell if the person I am speaking to heard it, got it or understands it until they tell me.

Quote:
very forgetful and is very sleepy (but i think the lethargy is linked to his restricted food types.

Vitamins. Particularly B vitamins. My dietary habits are very restricted. supplement with a good vitamin- not walmart junk.



Twilightflame
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19 Sep 2011, 11:51 pm

paddy9495 wrote:
he does not like change.

he is a very caring loving man, and says he would like to meet more people , he does not have friends, and recently feels there is something wrong as he has been told he repeats himself lots (which he does), very forgetful and is very sleepy (but i think the lethargy is linked to his restricted food types.

anything you can suggest?????


Not trying to change him. He clearly doesn't like that approach.

If he wants to understand the condition more it might help to refer him directly here. Asking for a diagnosis at this point is likely to be a destructive option, since I doubt he knows that much about Asperger's, and "maybe you should see a shrink" is easily misconstrued to be an insult. But asking him to talk to some like-minded people on an internet forum is significantly more neutral.

This is even easier for you since he says he would like to meet more people. You can phrase it as "I think I could have found some people you can get along with", refer him here, and wait for him to slowly realise he's one of us too. This avoids the accusatory approach completely, and gives him some assurance that you have listened to him in the first place.

If he finds out enough, reads enough, and wants to change, he can change himself, based on the support and information he can find around here. If you try to change him from the outside, he will likely reject all attempts, and it might damage your relationship.

Lastly, finding out more about this yourself might help. There may be things you can adapt to help deal with him, or at the very least, understanding why he does certain things may make it easier to accept for you. To this end, you've taken a good first step.


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