just a "short" salutation..

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hi everyone,

i don't really know why i just got me an account here, because i am not a typical asperger i think. but some criteria might fit and it seems i have some simmilar problems with "the world outside" whatever that means or however there can be a world outside, if it just disapears when i close my eyes.

first there is the lack to reflect myself in someones eyes or habits, i cannot tell what one thinks or feels about me without beeing told directly and i tend to "forget" it soon after. it just disapears from my radar and i have to kinda learn it again everytime i talk to one. of course i know my friends are my friends for reason and i learn to be sure of that over time, but it's always hard to maintain that state. i always fear i am wrong about it. it is kind of asperger reversed, isn't it? because i can read others and understand social situations very well, unless i don't need to include myself in the analysis.

emotions or statements about situations, even just episodes of tv shows and such can touch me so very deeply - just because i empathize everything i hear/read as if it would have happend to me. it's sort of like people are mirrors to me and reflect whatever they feel (like i said as long as it doesn't include me) and make me feel it with them even if they are complete strangers to me. i learned to control that over the years but the first reaction is always this mirror emotion, i just can mute it almost instantly nowadays if i wish.
i am also very sensitiv about light, noise and smell (i can smell things, you wouldn't belive..).

beyond that i was just never a persons person (perhaps thats why all this works relatively well for me) - had few friends and a lot of interests that keept me apart from people. didn't wanted to be like them, share what they belief about reality, dreams or other people and mark the most of them as flat and uninteresting or actually disturbing in some way.

sometimes i become so much detatched from "this reality" that it's hard to get back - what my psychologist would call dissociation (have collected some other may or not be fitting diagnosis lately). on the other hand i often feel like trapped "here" and become depressed about that limited state of existance and the limits i have to deal with, which others seem to accept very well. or don't even see.

could talk about that for hours, for i have spent weeks of my life only thinking about that topic, but surely there is more. i am sort of human in the end.

random facts:
i am from germany, in my thirties (how the hell did that happen?) and a great cat-lover (i'm the personal servant of two of them). you can adress me as one of this "person in black", what i wouldn't call a style, more of an attitude.
my taste in music isn't quite typical for my gothic looks. well i like military pop, neofolk and black metal, but also disney soundtracks and 80ties hits. i do have a "little" obsession about movies/cinema and i tend to love the movies of my younger years (and backwards) much more than most of the present stuff. funny thing is, that i love books as well and i can get completly lost in this other form of storytelling too - love epic tales and worlds with some sort of magic in them. however i do have a lot of philosophers on my bookshelf too.

since i was very young i am a roleplayer (fantasy stuff mostly) and a gamer (my dad is a computer scientist, it was inevitable). somehow i wish i could make a living out of writing but i think i love it to much to try that. but i would like to find some corner to fit in when it comes to job topics - i have tried a lot, but...
a propos fit - i love to excercise and i dream about cosplaying sara conner in her terminator ll appearence some day. *g*

last but not least, i am a night owl who likes to stay awake until sunrise and oversleep most of the annoying bright daylight time.

now that's been a wall of text, thanks if you read all of that stuff.
i will browse the board and perhaps it helps to feel less alien on this planet, which bothers me lately because it seems i have to get out there on a regular basis soon.


.kurai

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hope you enjoy your stay here

Welcome Kurai, The Weyland logo! Alien Rocks

Welcome.

thanks everyone.

and yeah, alien is one of my favorite movies.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welkome to WP!

Mick

Hi Kurai,

Like you I don't see myself as the 'typical asperger' - which makes this whole thing tricky - but what I am realising is that most of us that aren't neurotypical have a kaleidoscopic and unique take on being on the spectrum and the symptoms etc....

Weirdly enough, I ended up making people my special interest after not being able to work with animals due to allergies.....

Like you again, I am able to be painfully and highly empathic with other people, and this has helped a lot in my job - but I never have been helped to understand my own problems such as hypersensitivities, and other quirks, maybe because most people think that if you are empathic you cant be AS.
It reminds me of every response (nearly) to my recent diagnosis of dyslexia which has been disbelief and often rudeness ie: - you cant be dyslexic if you can spell ......oh really ? Yes you can ! !

Anyway, wanted to say hi and you aren't on your own with this,
Its going to take a while before the NTs catch up and understand this stuff......I think they are all a bit busy with other things - in the mean time the wrong planet is an interesting place to be. I havent got a diagnosis yet, but hoping to get one soon,

shy shubunkin

thanks folks & a special salute to shubunkin.
it's great to have some response. it's somewhat funny, most of my friends (not that i have much) including my boyfriend are aspies or have asperger tendencies - great to get along on a regular basis, but sometimes i wonder what special sort of alien i might be. none of them is alike me when it comes to this hypersensitivity / empathic abilitys. good to know that there are more with similar characteristics.


.kurai

Welcome to WP.

There is no such thing as the "typical asperger".
You will learn here that we are all different and that it's called a spectrum for a reason.