Hello all,
I just joined this forum out of desperation and fear. I don't know where else to turn, and even if I had someone to go to, chances are I wouldn't be able to tell them. I am 18, and have never been formally diagnosed with anything, but I have had the suspicion for a few years that I may have Asperger's syndrome. This is my second semester of college, and I'm starting to lose control of my whole world. I don't have a grasp on my classes, on my relationships with the people around me, or on myself. I have never felt depression so severe in my life, and I've been in pretty bad shape before. I am here because if I don't figure something out soon, then, well, I don't know what will happen.
I have only one friend, and even with him, there has been so much strain lately that it feels like our relationship is in danger of crumbling. This is the only friendship I have ever had that has lasted more than two or three years. I don't talk to anyone at school, and they don't talk to me. I can go entire days over the course of a semester without saying a word to anyone I don't already know very, very well. It bothers me a little because I don't want to be lonely, but at the same time I don't really care because they couldn't possibly have anything in common with me anyway. Generally, when I am in public, I feel like I am stranded behind a glass wall a mile thick. I am in the same place as everyone else in a very general sense, but also very far away from them, and very much alone.
I have a reputation for being very intelligent. Teachers, family members, and friend(s) distinguish it as one of my key features. I can do relatively complex math in my head very quickly, and I can gain a solid enough understanding of any topic after a few brief minutes studying it to be able to explain it to someone else, granted the communication barrier is not an issue. However, I'm not a good student. Up to fifth grade I was, and it's never been the same since then. I procrastinate, I don't get work done, and nothing gets turned in unless I can comfortably say that it is flawless. I fail classes, I stop attending half way through, and I am not achieving at the level I should be. Anxiety is also present, especially where "group-work" is concerned, and more than once that has caused me to duck out of a class.
I am deeply grateful to those of you who have followed this entire tirade. Now what I need to know from you is, does Asperger's seem like a likely diagnosis? What do I have to do to initiate the process, and where do I have to go? I do not have health insurance, so can a college counselor help me, or will I need to see someone in a professional practice? Finally, even if it seems likely, is it worth pursuing a diagnosis at this point in life? I am an adult now and set in my ways, but I am also struggling severely enough that whatever issue is plaguing me is leaving my control.
12 Dec 2011, 3:22 am
