Right Brained Autistic....

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Hi, I've written on here once before but not for a while, I am 32 and i have suffered with autism all my life but its never been recognised, now i really need support, because I struggle with life severely. M childhood was horrendous. I was told I had something wrong with me at all of my schools, behavioural problems, problem child, etc etc.No-one ever saw that I actually have some form of autism. Now i have a thirteen year old daughter and i still feel lke i did when i was a child, lost confused, I find basic things very difficult... infact I'd like to describe my symptoms of autism to see if anyone else can relate to it, because my father for instance tells me that I have nothing wrong with me and that I've disturbed the whole family for nothing. I find this very hard to deal with as i have no real family support, I will try and describe my symptoms....

1.Since i was a child, I've always found it difficult to talk... sure i can talk, but i feel inner conflct every time i speak, lke an echo telling me that words are wrong, and i feel that talkiing rips me out of the ony reality that i understand...

2.Reading i find difficult... I can read but I can't really absorb the information, and i read as little as possibly can.

3. Relationships, I have many levels of disconnection from my own family, I have never had a long lasting happy relationship infact i normally end up with disturbed people in relationships, whuch is another story. Although I mix with alot of people, I forse myself to do this, when really inside I want to lock myself away and never speak to anyone again....I dreamed most of my childhood and most of my adulthood that I could go to live in the jungle off of wild food in silence, and meditate, because I can't find a place in society...

4. when i was at school, every school i went to i had very limited friends, often one friend only i would get obsessed by but ignore everyone else completely.

5. I have no idea how to make money what so ever. I get loads of attention from men... it almost seems lke no one wants to help me make money in any way, aside from men who try to abuse me wherever I go, whuch i have no interest in.

6. Computers.. yes I'm using one now but I don't find them easy either. I can do basic stuff.....

7. Keeping to routines... i never ever do the same thing in one day. My eating is totally disrupted, I eat loads then don't eat much at all.. I feel like I'm being taken for a ride all the time...

8. I could not follow an form of course or education system... my school reports said various things like I have achieved NOTHING academically this year, that I'm dumb and insolent with behavoural problems, etc. Also say that the onkly thing I'm good at is art, oh and that I don't join in in any team sports.

This is just a few examples of how i suffer from autism... I have never had this labeled by any medical practitioner because I don't believe that it would help, and no one has ever suggested it, so f they can't see it for themself then theres nothing I can dom, but I know what goes on inside... what goes on inside s that I am tortured, feel completely disconnected and lost and often feel like ending my life, because I just don't fit here at all.

Also I told eveyone at school that i was an alien, from another planet, I maintained this story for years. this to me is pretty clear evidence that i have autism, this website is called wrong planet for god sake. that says enough.

So I'm writing to see if anyone else can retate to my symptms as i know that everyne has different experiences of autism, and it affects people in different ways. I obviously haven't got extreme autism, otherwise everyone would know, but it's enough to have made my life a total waste of time so far to be honest.

this has gone on too long and i need some help as i haven't been getting it from socienty, I hope i can get somne better understanding from people who have experienced this first hand, or have looked after children or know adults who suffer lke i do and are simular to me, thanks.

Let me try to help you on the money bit. I can't really help you with anything else because I can't relate.

If you are socially aware that you are different from the rest, it is perfectly fine to intermingle with the rest of society. No one knows why we are here, but we are different in the sense that we just care and love and don't want to profit. Unfortunately, this world and its social system that has dominated and will continue to dominate until it doesn't depends on profit. What is profit? It is the intellectual and physical excess effort that you have generated all in the nice form of CASH $$. A construction worker puts in a lot of physical effort and gets paid $10/hour while a computer programmer puts in a lot of mental effort and gets paid $30/hour.

Pick which way you would like to make your money.

Now you might have been socially aware of the nasty people earlier than me. I just awakened at the age of 25, but I was always fishy about the actions of my so called friends and relatives. Thus, this means I was able to do business with them and since I am outgoing and hardworking I got to profit by supplying things that others needed whether it be a product or service I provided.

Just put on your "normal mask" and get out there and make some money.

Money can buy you lots of happiness. But it is up to you who you want to do business with and most importantly what do you want to do with the money and with whom: spend it, save it or invest it. The best category is invest.

Hope this helps.

Hi. I'm 18yrs old and a diagnosed high-functioning Aspergers. I can really relate to some of the things you wrote about, especially the talking point. Sometimes the world is just too complicated to comprehend and has too many parts for me to take in so I simply shut down and want to do nothing ever again.

It sounds like you have trouble dealing with all the responsibilities that come with an adult life - social or otherwise. Personally I see a psychologist and she helps me to break down all the things I have difficulty with into small, manageable pieces. And it certainly can help just to unload some of the chaos that can builds up in your mind.
Seeing a psychologist is a personal choice but I believe it could help you. Otherwise try to stick to a "Just for today" mentality -

*Just for today: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overhwhelm me if i had to keep it up for a lifetime.
[I found this somewhere on the internet and it really helps on days where the world gets too much.]

Good luck with everything.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Thank you for your replies... I am still no wiser though right now. I am having nervous breakdown. It feels comforting to just feel the pain rather than try to fight all the time. It doesn't seem to have got any better for me unfortunately though. People talk alot about autistic children, but they forgert thoes children turn into adults. If I could help myself then I would help others also. I believe we've all got autism anyway, everyone on the planet, I've just got a different variation from the average autistic person so i don't fit in... I might be able to get by on the outside, but i struggle so much do pretend but people don't see this, the presssure builds up inside because i;m making myself do stuff that is not natural to me every minute. I thought i might have learnt a way to cope with it but as of yet, no chance. If anything it really has got worse. I try to take maximum responsibility for myself, ie exercise, do yoga, meditation, eat very well.. none of this does much for my autism though, sure its better than abusing myself further, bu the underlying problem is still there. i could go on forever, I just need to cry right now. thanks everyone.

Welcome to WP!

What do left-brained and right-brained mean exactly?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Right brained is left handed, but the personalities of brainedness is mainly psychological BS created by ignorance and misinterpretting what brainedness actually means and the media.

Right-brained does not mean simply left handed. People are neither completely left or right brained either.

To WrongPlanet!! !