Greetings from a mom of a son with Asperger's

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Hello,

I too have a son with AS. You are so right about the daily battle. My son is a GREAT KID. Even though he is very high functioning, we have hard days too. He is in 5th grade and doing well academically. He does have friends... real friends that really like him for who he is. They are extraordinary kids. He occasionally will have a meltdown in class but it has proved to be short lived and he collects himself and gets right back to work. His trigger is math. HE HATES IT. He has mastered his multipication and we are working hard on division. We have a daughter who is 7 and is "uber social". She has a hard time understanding her brother's behavior sometimes but takes it all in stride. I know what you mean about thinking they have taken large steps forward only to see that they have fallen 3 steps back. It can be very exhausting. When he has a bad day I usually blame myself. I always wonder if I am doing absolutely every possible thing to help him. I used to have "pity" parties for myself once a month when he was little. Why me? Why did I have a child with autism? BLAH,BLAH, BLAH. Then I finally realized I could not overcome this for him. My job is to give him all the skills he needs to learn how to communicate, be a friend, etc and he has to put them to use. He has come so far all on his own and we are so incredibly proud of him. I can't change who he is but I can help him to become whatever or whoever it is he wants to be. Good Luck!

MutantMom

Hi, I have just found this site today.

I have a son, turning 21 this year, who I believe has aspergers. My search into this issue has led me to a new job, I work in australia's first actual school for autistic children as a TA. I took my son at 17 to a childrens hospital for assessment. We had recently taken him to a life coach, who taught him some social skills, including making eye contact in social situations. Previous to that, he couldn't look people in the eye who he had known all his life. But when he went for the assessment, their final decision was made, that he was just 'cripplingly shy', but did not have aspergers, because he looked the man in the eye. The man never spoke to me alone, and I felt it would be unfair to Josh at that moment in time to make a fuss and insist on repeating every odd behaviour and idiosyncracy of the last 15 years. I decided to do more research. Having worked with autistic kids for the last year, I am more sure than ever.

That said, I want to reassure you moms of the younger boys, although they don't 'grow out of it', per say, they may learn to manage it better, and can learn to immitate more 'correct' ways of socialising with others. As my son has gotten older, and simply matured as the bright individual that he is, he has learned to draw on his own particular strengths, and is learning to recognise some of his particular weaknesses. He used to think he was like an alien from another planet, now he realises that, although he may be on the outer edges of what is considered normal, (remembering that 'normal' is very subjective), he is in fact a very bright, personable, and likeable young man. He is not always comfortable in his own skin, but he is learning to appreciate the things about himself that he knows he is good at, or that he realises other people like about him.

We have challenged him to try to step out of his comfort zones occassionally, even if that meant literally holding his hand and guiding him all the way down a steep climb, or getting all the way to the front of a long line and then having to lead the way back thru an impatient crowd when he found he couldn't continue. (In that situation, we gave him lots of praise for actually getting as far as he did. He learned to trust that we would help him as much as he wanted, but we would not push him any farther than he wanted to go. This made him braver in future challenges.)

Josh knows I believe he has Aspergers, and agrees that he has almost every symptom I've ever read about, except for the monotone speaking voice, but he sees no need for an actual diagnosis to be made. His dad refuses to believe that he has it, and chooses not to discuss it with me. So,, I respect Josh's choice, but I continue to research, so that I can do what little I can from the sidelines to be supportive in whatever he chooses to do or be in his life. Because, like most 20 year old boys on the cusp of manhood, NT or AS, it is time for him to create his own successes, and to learn from his own mistakes. And like most moms, I know I'll be proud of him no matter what.