Hello, I am Brazilian, I have no friends in real life, and since I was very young I knew that there was something different about me. I always liked the harmony and order of things and most children around me liked chaos. I never understood people, I took what people said very literally and I had troubles to read people’s emotions. Today, after years of practice, I have taught myself how to read people’s emotions and body language, and I have managed to stop taking things literally. I managed to developed my peoples skills, but I still don`t understand most people. It Is like if I speak one language and everyone else speaks another. Other characteristics in my behavior that I realized over the years are: Obsessive thoughts and interests (I like to prioritize everything in my life), ritualistic OCD like behavior (and perfectionism, but it depends), difficulty to face changes (I get a LOT of anxiety when I have to face big changes), little patience (I get bored easily), difficulty to understand the dynamics and social rhythm in conversations in general (social difficulties, and it seems that I talk to people, not with people, so a lot of people probably think I am a narcissist or something like that), difficulty to feel my body perception and presence in the space around me (it was worse, but I managed to improve that with kung Fu practice, although I have no balance, for instance, to ride a bike), above average intelligence ( when I was a child I spoke like an adult; one time I saw a psychologist, she was impressed with me and said she never saw a child speaking with so much logic and understanding about things), formal and archaic way of speaking (very good in public speaking because I have a very good verbal thinking), difficulty to look in the eyes (very rare, only sometimes when I an anxious), apparent lack of empathy (but I am a very human and kind person, not emotional in most cases, but with deep feelings; sometimes I get emotional, it depends; I was more sensible and anxious when I was a child and a teenager), I am very stubborn and like to do things my own way (peer pressure don`t work with me), sometimes I get a little catatonic and looking to nowhere, I am very honest, I hate lying, lying is very difficult for me (I am a terrible liar), I have very childish, beautiful and pure eyes (I speak through my eyes), and I am very shy and introspective. So, about a month ago I was searching about syndromes, to understand my situation, and I discovered about Asperger syndrome. Almost all my behavioral characteristics matched with the characteristics of Asperger syndrome. Until then I thought I was a indigo child, an elf or a bodhisattva, so was good to me to have a scientific explanation to my behavior, especially because I am a very rational person and I don`t believe in religion (but I respect religious people, at least some of them are nice; but I am a spiritual person, I heaved seen really strange things in my life and I believe that some spiritual phenomenon are deliberated ignored by the scientific community, despite the paranormal research conducted by the American and soviet governments during the cold war; but this is only my personal opinion, not a symptom). My father is also an introspective but loving person. Apparently most people with Asperger are not good in math and have little creativity. I am indeed terrible in math but I am a very creative person. I have already given a lot of details, and I don`t know if it is relevant, but I don`t like the touch of plastic, I am sensible to pollution and I get easily annoyed with some irritating sounds and, rarely, with some lights. I have good reflexes, but this must be because of my kung Fu training. My handwriting is terrible. I also have a very good and above average hearing capacity, and myopia. So, Do I have Asperger or some form of autism?
30 Aug 2012, 9:33 am
