Heya! New, Female, 30's, Terrified of Process of Diagnosis

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Hey, guys and gals! I'm new here. I'm POSITIVE I'm on the spectrum, but after what I've already gone through with revealing my suspicions to people I know, I don't know if I can force myself to get a diagnosis. I think I need to for my own edification, but the possible pitfalls and frustration just shuts me down.

I discovered at work AS is likely. I mostly fit into the general descriptions, and I could have written Female Aspie traits chart. Since this post may get long, I'll not describe exactly here how I fit in except to say I AM the Aspie female. However, when I tell people I know that I firmly believe I have it, I get disbelief, incredulity, and silence. I've been told that, "That's not you!" or, "You don't think that way!" How do they know what's going on in my head? I've adapted to working in a social environment, and these people are mostly okay with my quirks, so I can be myself around them. Mostly. They know I hit my 'social quota' and need to hide in my car at lunch. They know I'm a geek and love to come to me with computer problems and technical issues (I fixed the autoclave paper the other day and earned a day off). But believe me when I tell them I'm constantly bound up by anxiety over greeting them every morning? Pfft. I can fake it. I learned to. I studied people. I got it somewhat right to the point people don't pretend I'm not there or call me freaky. They can't see it, so it doesn't exist. But to tell me that I'm just a little quirky because I appear to speak and act normally is more than a little insulting.

So I went to a therapist I trusted from a work meltdown a few years ago. She tried to talk me out of it. I would start by describing one trait and she'd tell me that she hates the mall, too. I spent 45 minutes trying to get her to understand. She finally says that she'll send me for a psych evaluation. I checked the guy out. AS or autism isn't listed among his qualifications. She wants to see me after I've gone for the eval.

Now I'm in a tailspin. Should I go to this guy or find someone I can see is qualified? Should I keep telling people? I feel this compulsion to explain to them that I'm different and here's how and why. DO I want a diagnosis because what's it gonna do? Why would I keep banging my head against the wall to get some stranger to confirm what I know is true?

I have decided to print up and carry with me the female Aspie traits chart. It's comforting. It's an answer. It's my enlightenment. Since I've discovered this and started researching, I know I have a tribe. A home. A family. Seeing everyone here who stims when they need to and hides when they need to has empowered me to do the same, which helps. A LOT.

This is only my opinion- I would not talk about having aspergers to people at work. If possible, I would not go to the company phycologist for the evaluation. I would go to someone independent of work and I would also pick someone who has experience with autism/aspergers.

Aspergers/autism is complex and I have found that people that don't really know much about it have a general negative opinion of it.

I have personally found a local adult support group very helpful and enjoyable.

I hope it all works out for you.

I'm curious about this, too.

I'm also in my thirties, and when I read about AS from a female perspective a few months ago, I was floored. Suddenly, every weird thing I had ever thought or experienced in my life made amazing sense, and at the same time I realized there might be strategies to help me address issues like social anxiety or sensory overload. I recently quit a job of eight years because the new location has recently seen an increase in customers, with which I have tried unsuccessfully to deal. And I am struggling to cope with raising a young son, who is continuous motion and gratuitous noise, and maintain a relationship with my husband, who doesn't know how to relate to my need for solitude or my "intimacy issues". I'm at a point where I really need help, but am not 100% certain where to go next.

I have been to many psychiatrists from the time I was a teenager, and none of them ever mentioned the possibility of AS--although I've been alternately diagnosed with many related conditions, including bipolar, ADD etc. None of these previous diagnoses address the ways in which I've struggled socially, though, and for me, those issues have been the most constant, glaring problem from the time I began at preschool. Also, the related meds often affected me very adversely, causing hallucinations, increased anxiety and agitation, etc. I can't even go to a doctor / therapist without a major meltdown (two days ago I went to see the doctor to have my thyroid tested and three hours under bright fluorescent lights, and the doctors and nurses asking questions but interrupting my answers were just too stressful).

So, how do I approach yet another professional when I know from experience that their assessments / solutions might be biased or ineffectual? Is it better to seek out someone who specializes in AS therapy and diagnostics? Also, I'm concerned about the cost--but at the same time, I wonder if it wouldn't be worth it to embark on a therapy regimen which takes into account the full range of symptoms, instead of treating only one or two.

I'm sorry I can't offer any better advice toward your dilemma, as I'm in quite the same position myself. But right now I am leaning toward driving to another town to see someone who specializes in assessment of adults with AS, because I'm simply not getting anywhere with the current doctors, psychiatrists and counselors. I leave their offices with more questions than answers, and this forum seems (so far) to be the best place to find the answers. Also, I have to remind myself that ultimately, I have a right to seek out the best care possible. It seems reasonable to request that your current specialist should give you a referral to someone better qualified to consider the possibility of AS. Just because they have a PhD in psychology / psychiatry doesn't make them an expert in every neurological condition, and the most honest ones will even admit there's a bit of experimentation involved in sorting out what should be treated and how. So wouldn't it be best to find someone who's prepared to consider what your instinct says is a good possibility?

Also, remember that colleagues, family, friends etc. have their own biases. If they like you, they don't want to think that your suffering might be real. They might not understand or even notice the more subtle differences that you encounter every day. A relative who has an advanced degree in child psychology told me "there's no way you have that. Those kids are really obvious" but the literature she cited to me was based on studies of young boys!

Best of luck! This is a great resource, and a great place to start.

Welkome to WP

Mick