I'm 49 and just figuring this all out.

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WTF?

Hi, I'm Tenderfoot

Asperger's wasn't even on the radar screen back in the good old 60' and 70's. In fact, I didn't hear anything about Asperger's until the late 90's. My nephew definitely has it but the thought that I may have Asperger's never crossed my mind. Because as a girl, I didn't fit the stereotypes related to Asperger's. As it turns out, us girls go about it in a different way.

I'll tell you this. From grade school on I never fit in, concentrating was impossible, my grades were awful, I was total social ret*d, no help at home, I thought lowly of myself despite knowing that I was as bright as the next person, could have been a contender, etc... Now I'm finding out that it was Asperger's all along.

Has anyone else here gone through this? Figured this out in middle age that is.

Please let me know.

Thank you for listening.

Last edited by Tenderfoot on 03 Dec 2012, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, completely, and I am 49.

I had the same experience and I am now awriter and speaker on the subject.

Hi, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I'm also 49. And for me, I didn't start hearing about Asperger's until the early 2000s.

Hi thank you for responding. Let me ask you something, do I bother telling family members?

Also, where in WrongPlanet do us middle agers hang out? I'd like to hear from others my own age who are only recently learning that they have AS.

Thank you again.

I was an awkward loner most of my life. I'm still a loner, actually. I was diagnosed earlier this year. Yeah, it explains a lot. I don't want to stress myself about starting a family anymore. I'm too old. I kinda wish I was retirement age so I can live in a community where things are taken care of for you.

Actually, I think there should be a forum category created for Aspergians 40 and over. The average age on WP is about 22 and it's often hard to relate to their issues.... I think some of us should write to Alex and recommend it.

On telling family... proceed slowly and carefully. While doing that, let them know that you are happier now and relieved to finally have an answer. That will make it easier, because autism is NOT something the average NT understands at all and people tend to fear what they don't understand. To illustrate, I'm not only autistic, but also gay.... When I came out as gay, I lost zero friends and my family was supportive. When I came out as autistic, I lost probably three friends and two family members.

I didn't really figure it out until it turned out that all three of my kids were somewhere on the spectrum. I was doing all of this research and reading to learn what I could do, and the realization just gradually hit me. It really helps to explain so much about me and my life. I haven't been formally diagnosed, but if you knew me personally you'd instantly see it.

Tenderfoot, I have a question:

Have you been diagnosed with Asperger's, or are you just deciding you have it? I'm not saying you don't. My question is, if you first heard about Asperger's 10 years ago, why is it that you now feel you must have it? Did something happen recently?

Please don't feel like the Lone Ranger; I was about your age when I first found out I had Aspergers. It was really like a breath of fresh air to finally figure out why I was so different from others. It finally made sense why I was a social misfit, why I didn't mind solitude and why others my age had already achieved social plateaus and I had not even started; also why I was brighter than average. I also have always been a verbal person. I could never figure out why I was rejected by so many people; Aspergers give me the answer.

No I have not been diagnosed. I actually thought I had it when I heard of it but did not fit the known stereotypes which consisted of Dustin Hoffman in "Rainman" - I mean please. Since then, the tests have gotten more detailed and I recently checked out a list of attributes with females and hit most of them. Then, I became convinced that I am probably a Aspie.

I hope that answered your question.

This might be an opening to talk with family members. Maybe something like, 'I was reading that autism is a spectrum, blending all the way to normal.' And if they seem interested or ask you, 'I just might. Does seem to explain some stuff, doesn't it.'

I kind of rehease conversations and remind myself to take it medium step by medium step. You may be way past this.

[img][800:656]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/devilgrrl/myASlist.jpg[/img]

The yellow mark the attributes that effect me in varying degrees.

I think this does a significantly better job than average in addressing and acknowledging both stimming and sensory issues. For me, stimming often produces alpha state meditation, like a person rhythmically moving a leg during a math test. But somehow, the way those of us on the spectrum stim is viewed as unusual or 'unnormal.'

Up to my early to mid-20's, I'd rock in bed to music. I don't know why, I just liked to do it. In fact I will still sit on the floor and rock to music. It is viewed as absolutely bizarre, when "caught" doing it.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you for having me!