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Hi, I'm new here... been reading a bit... I have a 9 year old daughter, Mackenzie. We had her evaluated last year because I suspected Aspergers. My older brother was diagnosed as an adult and fits the classic description.(if there is such a thing).
They could not give mackenzie a positive diagnosis, but also said that they could not rule it out either.
They also proceded to tell me that she shows classic signs of depression. which, she only started exhibiting when i started this process....
So, after that day we went home and I told her that I noticed she was feeling a little sad and uncomfortable lately and that we wouldn't have to go through all that any more, and from that point on; no depression.
My problem is, I know she has AS, and have been trying to help her through some things with the advice of many books. She is a fast learner, and once I figured out how she learned it has been quick progress. I can only do so much, it's hard to explain to her about how other people behave when she asks, because, quite honestly, I agree with her about most everything.
Do I pursue professional help and risk upsetting her again?
Part of me knows that it would be a lot easier for her if she knew the facts. I also know that she knows that she is different and already worries about that.
I know that she is already better off than I was at her age, because she has someone who understands the way she sees things, but I worry that it makes it too easy for her. She needs to grow and trust others for support. But, most people just write her off as spoiled, rude, over-indulged, etc.....
I have told her teacher and athletic coaches that she DOES have AS, just to help them understand her behavior sometimes, and as soon as I do, they tell me that it really makes sense and that they thought there was something different going on with her. But am I lying, because I don't have an official diagnosis?
After our evalution day, the nurses did say that this was only the first step and that she should get more regular help, because "they were puzzled with this one, and would like to find out more", but I don't want to put her through that again, unless the benefits of doing so are going to help her more in the long run.
Advice, Please.....

First off, welcome to WP!

Secondly, it isn't wrong for you to not diagnose her and say she has AS. Many WP users have AS and are undiagnosed, and many people in the entire world are. It sounds like the parenting forum is the place for you. What was it exactly that she said was bothering her? One of the key things about young Aspies is to give them lots of fair warning ahead of time (for example, my mum always gives me about 45 minutes until I have to mow the lawn). I think it's a good idea to tell accepting teachers and parents about your suspicions. Because your teachers agree even WITHOUT a proper diagnosis, it is a good sign for when you tell others.

Even so, getting a diagnosis is helpful when explaining things to her, as "You have been diagnosed with AS" sounds more encouraging than "I think you may have AS". When you do tell her, it is of the UTMOST importance that you make it sound and feel like that it's a hard way to live at times, but that you should relish in the fact that you get to be different while everyone else stays normal and misses out (I know I do!).

because, quite honestly, I agree with her about most everything.

i LOLed at that

i'm not a parent and i only became aware of AS less than a yr ago... i'm 25...

i would say that if i could help her education... to go for a DX. if she's only having mild social issues i might hold off on getting a DX as THAT probably would not help her socially at school. but if she's having trouble keeping up... that's another story.

i almost flunked out of 1st grade and so was sent to a psych for an IQ test and some other things. It was because of that that I was able to go to magnet school, where i began excelling. but then, my learning style probably just happened to suite the nature of classrooms at the time: lots of desk work.

having taught sciences in some elementary schools... i have notice that things are changing these days and the social demands of children are higher than ever in classrooms (compared to when i was in elementary).

it's really hard to say what you should do. i tend to think minimal offical stuff is better. try just talking to your daughter frankly about AS... just teach her how to work with herself. i kind of think that would probably be best

You are on the right track. You talk to your daughter.

Now who is this for? If your older brother was a hit, and Mackenzie fits, skip the paperwork.

She is different, everyone knows. She is also an aspie fast learner. Tell her what you think, about your brother, and give her the books. She is the one who will live with it. A secret file in the Doctor's office does her no good. It can well do her harm. Aspie is three out of twelve, one less and you are normal.

Talking with her teachers and coach is working. Nine is old. Two to four is often living hell. The social adjustment of the first few years of school, can be a trama. I hear no complaints.

AS is a dumping ground, look around here, no two alike. A nurse saying they were puzzled and would like more income, and perhaps do some experiments, maybe even get a paper published in a Journel? RUN!

squire, our published author, has explored this subject in his book on growing up with AS. There is a link to ordering on his posts. squire is 14. Being of her time she might relate well.

The world's leading expert is Dr. KBABZ, he gives the best advice, we await his authoritive work on the subject, but currently he is working on major work in a series of volumes to be produced in print, animation, and as a series of video games. He is 16.

What can you do? Access to information is big. Aspie has a range, but many develop University levels of knowledge early. She seems to have made it to the runway in good order, she is about to take off. The others will stay on the ground, and there is no explaining them. All I can say about the herd is be careful not to spook them, they might stampede. Deal with them, but never trust them.

Mackenzie should make the effort to speak to them like they speak. Just blend in. Do not confuse them with advanced knowledge, perceptions, and do not tell your teachers when they are wrong.

We do develop strong interests. Please indulge us. The project is not as important as the skill developed. Going with it is fast and cheap. The differance between a strong interest and an obsession is money can be made curing obsessions. Also enemies.

Mackenzie knows that Doctors exist. If she wants one I am sure you would help. Wait until she asks.
You seem good friends, you agree with her about most everything, I understand you perfectly, this is WP, and I am an expressive and observent aspie of 60.

You are one of us!

My little girl is twice her age, I have been trying to produced a spoiled and over-indulged Princess. I keep asking if she is spoiled rotten yet, she says. "No, but maybe if we went out for ice cream." We try.

Thank you all for responding, it is so nice to know that we are not alone. My brother (aspie) and I joke about how everyone else is wrong, and we are the only ones that really know what is going on, but its nice to be able to find our herd.
My brother and I are pretty convinced that I have AS as well, and that's why its hard for me to work with Mackenzie, but I find myself learning along with her. A blessing in disguise?
I wish I had known about AS when she was a little younger, it would have been nice to know that it wasn't my inept parenting that had created this (angel?) My other children are proof that I wasn't totally off my nut, they are definately NTs and everyone likes them just fine.
I, of course don't have a lot of REAL friends. It's too exhausting. I joke with the kids and tell them it's because they are jealous because i'm so good looking, and that has worked for me for a lot of years (my facade of choice).
Mackenzie likes team sports and is very good at everything she has tried. She still sits alone when the other girls are acting like idiots, and when she is in a mood, she really scares the crap out of the other girls with her glares. but, girls tend to be very forgiving and nurturing, so it seems to be ok most of the time. I only tell people that MATTER that she has AS and so far don't need a diagnosis to get cooperation from educators, however, sometimes I think I should have it as a safety net, especially when she gets a little older.
Thank you again, for your support and reassurance.

Ah yes, the safety net idea!

You could tell Mackenzie that if the girls are annoying her, glare at them until they say stop!

Actually, at that age if they can forgive an oddball then that's a good sign. Usually I'd expect them to do something like call her names for the way she acts. (I only realized a few weeks ago that I was called Mr. Bean partly because I looked like him, but also because socially I was a fish out of water and into a bucket).