Thought it was about time I introduce myself.

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I have been a member on WP since last July but have never officially introduced and described myself. I thought this would be a good opportunity to do it so that you could get to know me better and help me figure out if I do have asperger's or not since I have never been officially diagnosed. I found out asperger's for the first time only 4 years ago. When i first read about it I wondered what it was because the word was similar to the latin verb meaning "to sprinkle". I was at home visiting my mother and happened to find a letter that my paternal grandmother had sent my mom about asperger's after she had found out about it though I'm not really sure how she found out. I'm not sure what led to her discovery but I think it might of had to do with me getting fired from a job I had been at for only 5 1/2 months.

I was working for a call center as a customer service rep for Dell Computers. During training I had befriended on of my classmates in my training class. we were 'friends' but as usual, the friendship was not completely reciprocal. We would often email each other during work, at one point she shared her phone number. I think i had given her mine. She seemed to be comfortable with me although I would later find out that she wasn't, so it seemed. About 5 months into the job I got called into a meeting with my supervisor and HR manager after my "friend" submitted a complaint about me. The situation was bordering on what might be considered sexual harrasment. During training we had a discussion about sexual harrassment and to me it seemed that being friends with someone was not appropriate in the workplace. during the meeting i revealed to HR that i had used my 'friend's' phone number to look up her address in the dell account database after she told me she had bought a pc. I did this thinking I wasn't doing anything wrong or that i wasn't breaking any contracts of confidentially i had signed for this job. As I look back on the situation now, I think that it was my having asperger's which led to my termination.

During the first year at my last job to which I was hired 3 1/2 months after my termination from the one I described in the previous paragraph there was one minor situation that had led to a little trouble. After about a month on the job I was in the break room on my supper break. This girl who was new came up and started talking with me. she was being friendly, but not really flirting me with so I thought. Went i went back to my seat after my break she came and found a seat next to mine. She would sit with me occasionally but not all the time. Well, one night in mid February, about 5 months after I met her I was out cleaning off my car before driving home as it had been snowing that evening. Our shifts ended at the same time but i got to my car first. by the time I was leaving the parking lot, she was just a head of me. there were two exits from the lot and decided to use the other one which was she used instead of going the way i usually went. I had a 50 mile drive home, most of it on the interstate. As I drove to the interstate from the parking lot, the girls was right in front of me. I figure she was going home and used the same street part of the way to her street that i used to get to the interstate. Well, a couple nights later, I was at work and my supervisor at that time tell me to log out and come with her. She led me to the conference room where I found the human resources manager, a police officer from the city and some other girl that i didn't know and that didn't work there. They were accusing me of following her that night and being two "friendly" to her in the past. Had she never come up to me in the breakroom and then come sit with me I don't think i would have ever been friends with her even though she wasn't really a friend and i wasn't really attracted to her. After that meeting with the cop they changed her schedule so that she got out an our earlier and then i later found out that she quit from a co worker after claiming that the staff was harrassing her. To me, it seemed that having friends just got me into trouble for being friends with Someone.

It was in May that this girl quit and then the following August I met another girl at work would become one of my best friends. We met when she got to work and was having a hard time finding a seat and one of the supervisors found her a seat next to me. It was a friday night and calls were slow so we had time to chat. We both worked until closing and then walked out of work together. Well, a few weeks later i was in the breakroom having dinner. I was the only one in there at the time and then she came in with a bag from burger king and sat down with me at my table. Normally, any one else would have come in and sit at a separate table. Around columbus day we started always sitting together whenever we both were working and would plan on going to lunch at the same time. I realized that I had finally found a real friend as I have been feeling alone for alone time. I had for a while envied some of my other male co-workers who had gal-pals, not girlfriends, they normally hung out with at work, and out of work, but I didn't. I got along with some of the girls but we weren't really close. My relationship with this girl seemed alot better, and i was happy. I wasn't sure where the relationship would go. For a long time at times I wanted a girlfriend but then I'd also be satisfied if we could just be friends and spend alot of time together because i had no one in my life like that. I had a hard time understanding what her feelings for me were but I new she liked me because she wanted to spend time with me. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas she met this other guy at work and according to her they hit it off really quickly. I was jealous at first. Would this mean that we would spend less time together? Would he not like that her and I were friends. I was at the company christmas party and then they showed up together. I went to sit with them for a little while, then they left. I remember when i was sitting next to her at the party and we were talking she was touching my leg. That made me more comfortable. (i would think from what i've read about you other aspie's that that sort of thing would make you uncomfortable). Shortly after they left the party, I decided to leave too, but when i walked outside, my friend was out there and I gave her a hug. It was the best hug we've ever had. Her bf quit the job at the end of January and they went to disney world for a couple of weeks. She came back to work for a about a month and he went into the army. After she left the job we didn't really stay in touch that much except for occasionally chatting on yahoo! messenger. In May she invited me to a candle selling party at her house. In mid July one morning on a day off we made plans to meet at applebees for lunch. Well, after lunch we ended up spending the rest of the day together going shopping. At this time she dating the brother of her ex that was now in the army. After spending that day in July together I didn't see her again until late October but in between she started calling me every week or so. She was the only friend i got phone calls from. I saw her again just before Christmas when i stopped in to visit her, then around Easter and then a month later. In June she invited me to her place for dinner with her friends and then we played a card game that evening. She now had a new boyfriend who she is still with. That summer we got together more often but then things seemed to get worse at the end of the month after she had invited me to do something one sunday but ended up doing a project with her boyfriend. She wanted me to come to dinner but her bf didn't want me there. Around this time she had found my online journal where i had mentioned her in a few of my entries. She took my interest in her the wrong way i guess. She had a hard time understanding what our friendship meant to me and that she was like my only real friend. In the last 20 months we have had difficult times. We are still friends, but there have been spans when we haven't talked and she's been mad at me for i guess not understanding our relationship. I don't see her that much any more but she calls me often and chats with me online often. She is still like me my only real life friend that i ever do anything with, even though we rarely do anymore. I live alone. I've had my own apartment for 6 years. I never have any company. Most of the time i go anywhere, I'm usually alone.

this is alot so far. I have more to write but you can reply with whatever comments or questions you have.

Hi, Jutty. Platonic friendships can sometimes be the most difficult to maneuver, even for NT's. One person or the other always seems to end up getting the wrong idea. Most of my brother's friends are women too, and he's had a few problems over the years (usually, the other way around, though). I think it's great that you weren't hurt by the first women so much that you stopped putting yourself out there. Does your woman friend know that you suspect you are an Aspie? Maybe you could explain to her that you are often misread, and that you didn't mean to overstep her boundaries. Try not to be too eager if she suggests getting together again. Neediness is probably one of the things that turns people off to us, and starts making them think we're too weird. In the end, though, I think the only way for us to have successful friendships is to find people who will accept us for being a little different, even love us for it.

hello jutty,

i can relate to what you are saying about your friendships. it is an aspie thing to find it difficult to read social behaviour. i tend to have to obssess slightly just to have to the focus to maintain the one friendship at a time. people can misunderstand this sometimes.

the last friendship that you describe sounds like it was the real thing, but she cannot spare the time and her life has moved on a bit by the sound of things (that is not a nasty thing - don't think it reflects badly on you in any way!). i agree that you could discuss the AS thing and how you find it difficult to manouver friendships, she possibly knows (and likes) that you are a little bit different anyway. but if she really has less time for you these days, you do just have to except that.

i hope that you have fun on here and make some strong new friendships in the near future.

This was interesting to read, thanks for posting your story here.

Thank you!

You seem like a very interesting person now that you've told me more about yourself!

I appreciate it!