Info about myself and Q on dating girl similar to myself

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I found this forum today, pretty cool that there is a place for people like me, I always thought of myself as somewhat unique in the way I could not quite fit in the society!

So first some info about me as introduction:
I 'm rather awkward in any direct social interaction and knew I have some form of autism but did not research seriously enough into it until today (did not want to know details to scare myself even more and did not and still do not want to see psychiatrists because I think they'd try to pursuide me to change who I'm and I think that even though I'm different, this is my identity and uniqueness in the world and should stay the way it is as otherwise it would not be me). But today I found article in wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome) and was just amazed how closely this was describing myself including inability to socially interact and understand proper behavior in society (I'm only partially able to understand and only through scientific knowledge after taking course in sociology and now cultural anthropology), inability to really understand someone else's feeling and emotional level (my mother sometimes complains that heart her feelings in the way I talk, but 'm not really trying to hurt her at all, I'm just too direct...), what others see as no respect for authority and other social issues. At the same time I'm very good with computers, science and math (which was in fact identified when I was quite young so I attended best school in the city for math-gifted kids) and when I focus on particular issue I can do it really do it well forgetting about almost everything else. My interests and hobbies also seem somewhat consistent with Aspengers - interest in trains & public transit, interest in computers, interest in paleontology, etc. However I also do seem to have another autistic problem with speech and communications - I know exactly what I want to say but I sometimes just can not find appropriate words for it and at other times my speech is very cumbersome and others find it difficult to understand (this is compounded by ascent in english). This all makes my life rather difficult and I generally avoid all social interaction except on professional level at conferences/meetings (I'm computer networks engineers) and prefer instead online and email communication which is also largely with other techies or those in open-source movement. Hopefully people here can actually relate to all this...

Anyway getting to the point of what started this all today.... :
I'm currently taking course (in geology, another science interest of mine) and there is a girl in a class who seems almost like myself - its the way she sits in class, some phrases that are not quite social normal, i.e. she said "you remembered my name" to another girl (I did that before too) and that was almost the only social conversation she participated in as like myself she stays away from chatting that happens during class breaks. I kind of like this girl and want to ask her out but then I thought if she really has same social behavioral issues as I do would we make a good couple or is it be better to date somebody "normal" who would then have influence on you ? So researching on this today in somewhat scientific way is exactly how I came about wikipedia article and from there came to this forum. Now it should be noted that in addition to everything else I'm also extremely shy around girls (loveshy is I believe correct term here, it may well be autistic trait too) and if I like some girl I can never ever approach her, I thought it might be different with her but even with her I could not make myself talk to here even though we left class same time. But I do have a way to deal with this that worked before on couple occasions - I write letter note and just give to the girl asking if she wants to go out that way seems less stressful for me. As I said this, worked with couple other girls (they even liked that I perceived them as being unapproachable...) but there were not quite like me and in fact relationships did not last as they thought I was not emotially mature (can not express feelings, etc), but I'm unsure if this is a correct way to approach this girl or not... So to the questions I have - if there are girls here with social problems similar to my own how would you react if asked that way? Also in general are are there couples here with aspenger syndrom (or similar autistic disorder) and did those relationships work well for you as opposed to some others you may have had?

I got sucked into 5 years of obsessive hell 'cause someone slipped me a note..or stuck a poem in my folder at work....but that guy was nothing like me....and of course it did not work out...

um...i dunnow..it is worth a try.

I have a boyfriend who I guess is NT (according to the online test) but weird enough to be able to tolerate me...(We are both ADDers)
Granted he is a rare one..we both posess skills that the other lacks...like he can drive and I can find where he has randomly flung his keys...

but um...don't get your hopes up too high..if anything whether or not you are truely kindred spirits..it is not a bad idea to start out as friends first.

Worked extremely well for me, but I can only speak for myself, and you can't make a good generalization out of a sampling of 1. So I guess that's a big "maybe."

Also in general are are there couples here with aspenger syndrom (or similar autistic disorder) and did those relationships work well for you as opposed to some others you may have had?

yes and no. Of course back when I was married we had no idea about HF Autism or Asperger's Syndrome. We were mostly called incorrigeable or defiant, or insubordinate ( my personal fave, for I was aspie even if they didn't know it, so of COURSE I would not knuckle under someone else's authority! so I guess I WAS insubordinate!)

I was called a 'bleeping feminist'(just to stick with the G rating here) and far worse. Men detested me because I was so independent, women dispised me because 'I was making them ALL look bad' and I was an active alcoholic, too, and nobody liked that!

I havn't had anything I would call a 'relationship' since I have been diagnosed, so I guess I am saying I don't have an answer for you. But it IS good to know that back in the covered wagon days us Aspies In The Wild would have to fend for ourselves with no passes or get out of jail free cards. and no medications, either. Actually I think it was a better time.

Merle

Enjoy WP!

Keep it simple. they are a jumpy lot if cornered. Do you remember her name?

A simple saying her name in passing, and keep going. Someone spoke to her? Give it time.

To give an aspie girl a piece of candy, chocolate works, the drug grade, you put it on the table between you then retreat. Even if you get to the point where they will put their hand out, drop it in the palm, do not touch them, keep your distance, do not make eye contact.

Be open, and wait. Let them make up their minds to talk to you.

Aspie is how we react to the world, but each does have a personality. First you have to become known in her world. If no one else is trying you can be a friend. It is a big step for an aspie to speak, and then sometimes a lot comes out. Friend comes first.

I think you should make the effort to meet her just because you see something there. It will make life better for you both. After that who knows?

Funny how much last post applies to myself.... i.e. I avoid direct contact & touch, avoid eye contact, get jumpy of unexpected questions and conversation happens, like chocolate, etc.

In any case, I do remember her name, in fact she's the only person in the class I remember name of! I'm hardly the one to approach though, I almost never initiate conversation and answer rather quckly when somebody asks me questions (unless its related to my area of interest/work) and really even now don't know how to approach somebody and ask to be friends with. Direct approach is the only one I really know of, but of course if I like the girl then I get sudden fear (maybe not fear but some kind of uneasy feeling) right before I get ready to talk to her. We do talk a little in class though since as we sit nearby we're in the same lab group but that's about it.

In any case I think the reaction on the forum is mostly positive, so I'll try to give her a note (in my usual clamsy way probably i.e. I quickly give it to her while leaving and then retrieve in fear...) but I worded it so while I'm asking her out there (I just go ahead and write it, I'm always rather direct), I also mention it'd really be friendship, and to be fair I do not have time for full relationship being both at school and working.

Oh well, wish me luck and thanks for the advice!