Would like to hear from Asperger adults 40+ Special Insights

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Getting older is no fun. I get excited about the "good" aspects of Aspergers (like curiosity, learning, how things might be better if we had some influence, my love of nature, science and being practical) but there's always the downside too. If there were one thing I'd give anything to change it's the damn anxiety.

Is your anxiety getting worse (as you get older)? I have always been a big worrier. I seemed to constantly move from being anxious about one thing to another. If everything was OK, I would find a reason to worry about something upcoming. Prior to my diagnosis, I never really categorized this as “anxiety”. I just figured it was me being me. After my diagnosis (earlier this year), I am much more aware of this. And, also, much more aware how this consumes me. Is there anything you do for this, other than taking meds?

Sounds too familiar! Worrier, yes, like you said. I learned to play some head games to deal with that. I set up time limits for myself: I'm allowed to worry about a particular thing one day at the most. It took a lot of practice, but it worked a couple of times and then got easier. That works for smaller things. I think it's a symptom of OCD. Trying to control everything. Then I narrowed it down to types of things I'm allowed to worry about. I ask myself, Is this actually important? Most of the time it isn't and I stop worrying. I guess worrying may cause anxiety!

For years my doc told me I was under-using medication. Anxiety serves no purpose she said - just take it! I finally tried taking a small dose before bed, which keeps me asleep the whole night. I have noticed that the general worry-anxiety thing is much improved.

I'm also bipolar so I get EXTREME episodes of fear, panic and anxiety. Lithium has worked very well, but apparently some chemical change happens suddenly and I get a mixed episode that's unbearable. Only knocking myself out with meds gets me through it. I live in an area with little mental health care - no psychiatrist at all, so I've had to take on a lot of my own care.

We have a hospital but they have no psych. beds - you get shipped off to a private facility 250 miles away. Can't do that: no money, no one to take care of my dogs, etc. This situation really ramps up the anxiety!

All beings, all objects, everything in the 'verse that doesn't eat energy (gravity well, singularity. black hole, etc) has energy. That energy changes and flows in, around, and through everything and everyone. Untold umptillions of leptons just passed right through you in the time it took to read this. That energy and the flow of it, can and IS impacted by everything else that has, uses, or effects energy. Human bodies, NT and AS alike, use electro-chemical messaging for everything that happens inside them. Emotions and more can be easily observed using relatively primitive imaging equipment (CT, PET, MRI) to measure stimuli and resulting reactions in the brain. Quantum scanning equipment doesn't quite exist as created by man. Nature however does not know these same limitations.

Some humans, AS and NT alike, can be more sensitive to these energy fields and the fluctuations in them than the average human being. Some people on the autism spectrum, and it is speculated that those more severely impacted, can feel way, way more of it than may be comfortable or manageable. All my senses are extremely heightened I can hear snow falling for example. Too much input at once (noise, crowds, traffic, light, smells, touch, tastes etc) can cause me to swamp and shutdown, or meltdown. I can FEEL the feelings of others around me. I can feel the energy they leave on inanimate objects. I can feel the residual traces of energy in things they write, even long after they write it. I can find things other people lose by closing my eyes, seeing the picture they have in their brain, and then following the energy to the object. My sister who lives over 600 miles away calls me when she loses things or misplace them. Like her favorite bra. Turns out her son had it, I didn't investigate why, but that's where it was in the house.

So if you can feel it, whatever it is, I can feel it too. The stronger the feeling is, the easier it is for me to feel it. Your denial and refusal to believe it is possible does not make it any less real for me. Here's a test for you to prove my point. Next bright sunny day, go outside and refuse to believe the sun is shining, convince yourself that it's not possible for the energy of a stellar body to travel just under 93 million miles, UNCHANGED in about eight minutes. Stay there in the sunshine for at least 30 minutes and wait for it to go out. Your lack of belief is not going to cause the sun to stop shining, anymore than it's going to stop me from being agitated by the negative energy you left all over your original post. Yes, negative. Sorry. Not a judgement, a statement of fact.

My whole life I've taken abuse in one form or another for being different and feeling/knowing things I shouldn't. So before you stop believing in the sun and kill all life on earth, maybe you direct that magical power of disbelief my way and refuse to believe I'm Autistic/Aspie so that I can experience life as a neurotypical for just a little while? Render me mind blind so that I don't have to spend so much energy keeping the thoughts and feelings of others out of my head okay? Cause that would be kinda cool ya know.

But maybe, just maybe, you can start believing in yourself, allow yourself some freedom to feel and sort out for yourself what you're actually feeling, and stop believing in the stuff that was forced into/onto your head, heart and soul when you were young and aspie and felt to much and talked about it, and thus scared the crap out of the people around you. Science is a nice toy, but it's only a suggestion. Science isn't about what we as a race do know, it's a marker for what we haven't learned yet.

Case in point, "science" has just "observed" and named the amplihedron, a quantum jewel that exists outside time, space and four dimensions that shows that matter and energy and so forth don't exactly exist anywhere near the way we think they do ... the way they think they do ... because I know better. Why? Because what my mind doesn't know my heart fills in. Because I was forced to learn to deal with things on a quantum level or be crushed by them.

Because when at 22 my girlfriend at the time sat me down and said for this relationship to continue, you need to have some body language, facial expressions, and eye contact because contrary to what you may have heard, you are NOT Vulcan, and you are NOT an android. She didn't know, I didn't know, that I was an Aspie. So I spent days after work with a cup of tea in the food court, watching peoples body language, facial expressions, and the way they used eye contact and connected it logically with what they were feeling at the time, so I could learn to do that too. It was work, it was studying, it was self defense. She and I used to meet in the food court after work to take the train home together, and when she found me there, sitting still and focused to the exclusion of noticing she walked up next to me and said "you ready?" she touched me to get my attention and asked me what I was doing. "Studying" I said. So we talked about it as we walked to the train and she didn't believe that's what I was doing, because that's not possible.

Over the course of days and weeks the evidence proved her wrong, because I had then all the things she wanted me to have.

That's just one example. I have a lifetime full of stuff like that. Stuff I know find out means was all a hallucination, and I'm not an Aspie, I'm pyschotic and delusional or something? If you don't want to believe something, that's fine, go right ahead. But please, before you in your hubris, ignorance and anger try to tell other people with real feelings that they don't exist, maybe you can I don't know learn a bit more, and open your mind to the possibility that not everyone exists the same way you do? That maybe while you seem to have fairly easily turned off your mind and closed it to anything that your religion (Science maybe?) doesn't know or believe, that some of us don't have that luxury.

I have no idea why you left the post you did, or why it was dripping with anger, which I'm now trying hard not to reflect back at you and doing a poor job, but maybe you should consider your own motivations and feelings? Because even while your denying them, they color ever part of your life. Down this path depression lies, because anger turned inward eats away at your heart and soul. Though the denial and spraying it outward seems to be working for you. As to the primitive notion that "2 objects/beings cannot occupy the same space at the same time" that's been recently disproved by way of the fact that time and space don't actually exist. But as I pointed out above, it's not about violating the law of conservation of matter and energy. It's about radiant energy. It's about opening (or not being able to close) my mind and heart to the vibrations/energy/feelings/quantum state of someone not me. Because my heart already knew time and space were convenient illusions, I don't need to be in the same space/time to feel or hear what someone else is thinking or feeling. And no, I'm not going to let you challenge me to prove or disprove to your satisfaction what I say is true.

Oh, yeah, speaking of plants, please explain to me again in small words how I cannot possibly feel what my plants are feeling? Because you know when I lose track of time (which is often) and entire hours and days vanish because I am not capable of directly experiencing them, my plants reach out to me to let me know they are thirsty for water and love. Even if I'm in another room. So in your world view I'm insane right? While your explaining things that cannot possibly happen or exist, tell me again how I cannot possibly feel someone else's physical pain and then apply Reiki to it from across the room and they feel better? Okay, because now that's multiple people who cannot possibly exist because you say so.

Ladies and gentlemen, please forgive me for "going off" like this, but I've spent a lifetime being told things that do exist cannot possibly exist because someone else says so. This is a very sore subject, and the OP was fairly dripping with barely controlled negative energy at the time of the original posting. Mine was colored by that. I meant no offense to anyone, not even the original poster, but "the inability to feel someone else's pain as if it is your own is what makes evil possible."

Autism/Aspergers are part of a spectrum of differences in brain construction and/or function. But human brain capability, function and construction exist on a spectrum that resembles a bell curve. On the far end is the non-vocal autistic person so swamped by sensory inputs they cannot function and all they can do is sit in the dark and rock, screaming in pain, fear, and confusion if they are exposed to anything. Up the bell curve to one degree or another are all of us, NT and Autistic alike till you reach the top of the bell curve where you have NT drones who live quiet lives of desperation doing the same thing day in day out until they are to old and infirm to do anything else and are retired or put away, and then it's all downhill from there. As you move away from NT and Autistic brains alike, you find brains that are not capable of feeling/experiencing living to the point where true evil is possible. That's where you find serial predators, rapists, murders, and the like, completely and utterly devoid of anything like empathy/sympathy or any ability to relate to the rest of us as if we are even alive. We, Autistic and NT folk alike are often prey for the predators because they see us as flawed to one degree or another. My now late husband and his family were predators, I the prey. I was lucky to escape with my life. So hearing someone justify a lack of feeling for others, real or imagined, is either someone trying to get away from their own feelings, or a psychopath. The OP doesn't feel like a psychopath to me, but could become one. Psychopaths are both or either nature and nurture. An NT raised by psychopaths will often grow up to be one.

You are delusional. Your reasoning isn't science, it's pseudoscientific quackery.

Interesting perspective, greeneyes. I find most of what you said quite poetic and beautiful, though I am having difficulty interpreting how you perceived what I said as incompatible with what you said (that's probably my misreading of it.) I was merely trying to get some clarification as to why I have always been told that "Aspies" are not capable of "empathy", when I know for a fact that they are, myself included. Perhaps, my use of Kantian metaphysics was a bad choice to use for examples.

I do not, however, see any reason that you should be calling the original poster of this thread a psychopath. He has said nothing here that would indicate anything of that nature. Is that what WrongPlanet is all about? That's not the impression that I got from the terms of service. I'll have to double check, though.

Hey gonewild, how is the news of the Aspergers diagnosis affecting you today? Still "okay"? I am right there with you. If there was one thing I would change, it would be the anxiety!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Hmmm. Green eyes: My first reaction to your post is that I hoped people would stick to the topic - How Aspergers affects people over 40, but Hey! I'm open to other comments. It's just that I'm not sure what you're trying to say about empathy. A_number expressed confusion - that's all. Confusion I have felt and I'm sure many Aspies have struggled with. The "empathy" that NTs accuse us of not feeling doesn't have anything to do with science; it's made up. It's a social response. They test for "it" as though it exists as something real and objective, which it isn't.

Psychology and the social sciences aren't science. What they claim must always be understood to be highly tainted with human beliefs and expectations. On the other hand, I don't think that theoretical physics is science at this point either. It's theorists using extreme mathematics to grope for an ultimate explanation of "everything" - a human projection; arrogance if you will, an assumption that the human brain can encompass the universe! A God complex in my opinion. The universe is literal - it consists of specific objects and states - not generalizations or statistics or theories. We have come very far using mathematics to understand and predict how the universe "behaves" at a gross scale, but these are still only approximations. We can NEVER know the universe directly, regardless of our inventive machinery.

If I read your post correctly, you feel that you can?

Am I the person being accused of being a potential psychopath or is it A_number? I missed that! Not a cool thing to do, green eyes.

All I have to say about caring for / about people is: Integrity = think, say, act in harmony. It doesn't matter how you are labeled. Do you think about how your actions will affect other people? Is what you say a true prediction of your actions? Do you observe the results of what you say and do, and use those results to be a more helpful person? Notice that "feelings" are not necessary in this scenario.

I do this NOT to please NTs, not to fit their expectations, but to use my Aspie honesty and realism in a productive way. A lot of NTs are also terribly confused and need our help!

It was less than 2 weeks ago I got the official diagnosis - seems much longer, since it had been unofficial for some time! Like other events of importance, a reexamination of the past is taking place, mostly seeing myself as a kid who was simply in shock most of the time and who kept asking myself (and assumed there were answers), What the Hell is going on? Funny - the diagnosis doesn't completely answer that question! It merely opens more avenues of exploration.

Exactly! And, well said. Though, sometimes there are feelings, too.



I honestly feel the exact same way!

And, I don't know about the "psychopath" comment that person made or whom it was about, though she used "OP" which I thought meant original poster. It was a hateful and unfounded comment and I really hope that Wrong Planet is not "that" kind of forum.

Sometimes people are so wrapped up in they're own pain that they lash out unpredictably, in this case, at total strangers. It's not appropriate here. I don't want to get WP involved because we're not 12-year olds who must run to Mom to fix things. I think we can handle it by simply asking Green eyes to not post unless he/she can be relevant and not "dump" on other people.

That's how I feel but of course, if anyone feels differently......

Good point, gonewild. Of course we are not 12 year olds, but there does need to be some form of moderator on any forum. Internet trolls are abundant and they tend to target people who are hurting and just want to talk to others like themselves. They actually enjoy it, from what I understand. It just seems that WP would have to have moderators to ensure the safety (and peace of mind) of its members from this sort of behavior.

I do like your solution though. And, this time of year it is hard not to run into someone who is in a lot of pain. I do try to keep that in mind.

I understand - I started the thread so will take responsibility. Let's let things be for now and see what happens. WP can be VERY quick to shut down threads to appease the bad apple! and I'd like to keep this one going.

Hi. I'm 57 and was diagnosed with Aspergers last year. I'm still trying to understand what this means... it does explain why I've always had trouble dealing with people. I usually prefer to be alone, for instance, as being with people makes me very stressed.

Hello highwaychile: this is a good place to come since we're all in much the same boat...people who were not diagnosed until adult. It's very different than having been diagnosed as a kid. Many express gratitude that we weren't, and didn't have to go through treatment.

Let us know a bit about yourself if you feel like it.

Hi gonewild, I really appreciate hearing from you. This thread has a lot of interesting and poignant posts that have made me see that I am not alone. So that helps. But hearing from people like myself who are not getting help is disheartening, as I am trying to get help and hitting dead ends myself. I don't know if this is naive or wrong of me, but all my life I've just wanted to be like seemingly everyone else I see is: someone able to relate to others in a healthy, productive manner. But how can I do that when really for the most part I don't like to be around other people? It's a dilemma for me; I just don't get people. They're like a different species to me.
You asked me to tell you about myself; well, we all like to talk about ourselves don't we? Except I don't really. I feel ashamed of myself because of my problems (American men are supposed to be tough and soldier through their problems anyway they can) and so don't like to share so much. Along with being diagnosed with Aspergers, the psychologist said I suffer from depression and anxiety as well. Who would have thought that a lifetime of failed interactions with people (interacting with people is what life is all about you know) would engender depression and anxiety? I have no friends, though I'm blessed to be with a woman who knows of my problems and says she loves me anyway and will help me through them, but unfortunately, in my long life, I've heard that before, and though I am upset with myself for doing so, deep in my heart I wonder how long she will put up with me before she, like others before her, leaves me in disgust. What I really need is friends who understand that I am different because they are different in the same way I am.

Dear hiwaychile: Anxiety and depression are symptoms of Aspergers. Bipolar is also associated with it. I was diagnosed bipolar 27 years before Aspergers because no one thought adult females were Aspie. Finding help is frustrating, As for myself, I have no desire to be normal so I work on general aspects of being different - luckily I have a therapist who has no desire to change me, but is interested in my progress as an individual who happens to have an unusual brain.

There are professionals who do help Aspies become more comfortable with social interaction, so you should be able to find help with that. It is a true dilemma - how to fit into a social world that simply doesn't fit who we are. Each person has to come to terms with that. My hope is for Aspergers people to change "different" from a negative judgment and to embrace our many positive attributes.

I see no point in soldiering through some socially-constructed male expectation, which when you think about it, doesn't work very well, but I'm a woman. Maybe some of the guys here would like to talk about that!