Would like to hear from Asperger adults 40+ Special Insights

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Hello. I would like to talk with people who, like me, are older (I'm 57) and diagnosed with Aspergers. I just want to talk and share info/life experiences/whatever as I try to learn how to deal with this condition. I have tried this in the chat room, but those folks all appear to be much younger than me and I don't feel any connection to them. I guess I'm just looking for people more my age who are dealing with this disorder whom I can talk with and maybe (hopefully) be friends with.

Highwaychile: Can you ask your psychologist to explain how she/he arrived at these multiple diagnosis? You have every right to know. The DSM is the official book that spells out the criteria for diagnosis. Your psychologist will have it on hand and can go over the exact symptoms that she/he has decided that you exhibit. You really need to have this information! Sometimes you have to be quite insistent that the doc/psych communicates with you.

If your doc said you had diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis and blurred vision you'd expect detailed information, right? Mental-emotional conditions ARE no different.

AND best of all, your conditions are treatable!

Hi guys,
I finally received Attwood's book (The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome) and am finding it very interesting. hiwaychile (welcome!), I found a quote that you may or may not have already come across in the book:

-Tony Attwood

After getting diagnosed a month (?) ago, I have also been combing through the puzzle of my past trying to make sense of it all. And, with the diagnosis, it DOES make sense. More than ever. I also had/have the shyness and social awkwardness, and according to Attwood, it does fit with the profile. I'm not finished with the book yet, but so far it seems like a good read, hiwaychile. I recommend it.

I want to also second what gonewild has said about talking to your psychologist to explain the multiple diagnosis. I think that you should be able to get more clarification from him or her. From what I understand, it's very common to have several conditions, though I was only given one: Asperger's. And here's why I love my psychologist: When she told me the results of the testing, she said, "You have Asperger's. So what." She wanted me to know that she is there to help and to understand, not to judge, and that while the DSM has a lot to say about the negativities in people who struggle with "disorders," it doesn't have much (if anything) to say about the positive aspects of said disorders.

I hope that made sense without sounding all over the place, because I feel all over the place right now!

Hi Hiwaychile,

I had very similar childhood experience. My social skills were ok and I have a few friends up till grade 3. I was relocated to live with my grandma for 6 month because of my asthma. Then I return to my parents and attended the original school. Then I was bullied by my own classmates. Before my diagnosis I have wondered why the relocation would trigger my lost of social skills and being bullied by peers. I have been reviewing my past events since my diagnosis 5 months ago. I think the skills gap is because Asperger's is a neurological condition that prevented me from learning social skills naturally. So my peers actually matures in terms of social skills much faster than me because they can pick that up naturally. So the social deficits for some Aspies show up in grade 1-3. I'm a bit lucky that it shows up in grade 4. The earlier it shows up the worse the impact on the person.

After my diagnosis, I have read several books especially I struggle a lot in career. Youtude also has great resources and I can see a lot of real life people share their life stories on Asperger's. You can also visit Youtube which I prefer over books because it's like interacting with friends.

The following are some of the best Aspie videos in Youtube:

· “Ask Dr. Tony” series from the AutismHangout. Very good series on Q&A from Dr. Tony Attwood. I’ve watched it many times.
· “Understanding Asperger's Syndrome - Personal experiences” by Karen Schoenhals
· My Life with Asperger’s: Daniel Wendler at TEDxUniversityOfArizona
· Maja Toudal is a student with Asperger's in Copenhagen, Denmark.
TheAnMish (‪Maja Toudal) has produced 39 videos of her past experience and thoughts which are very therapeutic to watch and get to know her.
· Jacinta Feyling
o “It Gets Better – Lady with Asperger syndrome shares her story”
o It Gets Better - Details on Asperger syndrome (and a kick to GLEE's Ryan Murphy..)
· Willow Hope - Aspergers - People Not Understanding Our Viewpoint. She has 257 videos.
http://www.asperclick.com
· ABC’s interview of Tony Attwood
http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/201 ... e=brisbane
· The Aspie Show - The World of Asperger's
Takes his audience to the world of Asperger's from his point of view. He discusses why he's interested in Asperger's and why it's hard to be an Aspie. Follow Dr. G on Twitter @DrFGaskill or at www.southeastpsych.com
·

Facial Expressions & Body Languages

· Stimming & Aspergers- Anthony's Description
· The Art of Deciphering Facial Expressions
Psychologist Paul Ekman from San Francisco is reputedly the best human lie detector in the world. He has been researching facial expressions for more than forty years. He has learned to move every single muscle in his face at will. Over the years he has created an 'atlas of emotions' with more than ten thousand facial expressions. Ekman's biggest discovery is the 'micro-expression', which shows up on our faces for fractions of a second as an indicator that we're lying and which reveals our true feelings.
· History Channel Secrets of body language 720p
· Gestures and Body Language Tutorial by Derek Banas (570 Videos)

xx

Last edited by gonewild on 21 Dec 2013, 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow Lammiu! I really enjoy your insight about a disruption early in childhood triggering a delay/problem with further socialization - a sudden lag between NTs and Aspergers in the same age group.

I remembered a similar experience when you mentioned your Gramma! When I was 3-4 years old my father started a new job in a distant city, but for some reason the rest of us waited several months to join him. I went to live with my grandparents; my mother and brother with other relatives. I adored my grandparents - honestly, I wanted to stay with them forever. Then I was yanked away to rejoin the family; new place, new house, starting school....I went bonkers.

I don't remember having problems before then, but my mother insisted I was a "problem" as soon as I was born. Too active, too demanding, too everything, (I know she was diagnosed with post partum depression) but I think now it probably started later, after leaving my GPs.

lol gonewild, I was going to reply to your post and it disappeared. I was going to say, thank you so much for this thread because it has already helped me a lot! I am overwhelmed with the WP overall and I'm not sure where to post. So, I'm glad you made this one.

lammiu,
I can't wait to check out the links you posted! Thank you for sharing!

I have a confession to make: I have a hard time watching (most) youtube videos. I find myself scrolling down the page so that I can't see the person talking. There seems to be a mismatch or out-of-sync problem between what they are saying, and what they look like (facial expressions, body language) It's better if I just listen. It's not everyone - I sat through many lectures in college - but certain profs. drove me nuts - near torture.

Anyone else?

YES! Like the sound is milliseconds off from the visual?-or something like that. I experience that too. I never thought to scroll down the page for youtube- great idea!

Wow! You too - I always thought I was being kind of an ass - like I was picking on the poor person... I know there's a sound vs. visual speed lag, but it's only supposed to be noticeable when objects are far away. Filmakers have to adjust the soundtrack to the image. Could we be picking up on that?

Any physicists out there??? LOL

This quote resonated with me as well when I first read the book earlier this year. It was one of many passages that I highlighted (while reading the book, I highlighted anything that closely matched my experiences and behavioral symptoms). I found the book so fascinating (it so aptly described me and my experiences in life) that I ended up reading it cover to cover twice.

Happy Solstice! Sunny and cold where I am - fresh brilliant snow.

Last edited by gonewild on 21 Dec 2013, 5:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lammiu,

I REALLY appreciated your reply to my post today. After reading it, I've spent several hours watching videos on Youtube about Aspergers; I listened to people talking about their lives and how they deal with their diagnosis, and I've realized a few things about myself and my life as a result.

I was diagnosed not only with Aspergers, but with depression, anxiety and alcohol abuse as well.

What I do as a "profession" is drive a truck, which doesn't seem very exciting, because it isn't. It is fraught with stress and tension. If you have to commute to work each day, anyone, you know how stressful traffic can be. Imagine having to be in that traffic day after day, not just a half-hour or hour commute, but in the case of commercial truck drivers, 11 hours a day. So I realized where some, if not most, of my anxiety was coming from. Not solely from Aspergers per se, but from my vocation. Adding fuel to that stressful fire was my dread in the back of my mind that I will ALWAYS be a truck driver and will never be free of that stress.

Will I ever be more than a truck driver? At this point I don't know. But I know I need to find constructive ways of dealing with the stress of the job.

Looking at my life on the whole, I realized I felt depressed not only because of Aspergers and all the problems it has caused me in the past (the failed relationships, misunderstandings, lost opportunities, etc.), but because of where I am at this stage in my life, as I said: a truck driver. It's not where I thought I would be at age 57, so it brings me down emotionally. I feel I am a more intelligent and capable person with more to offer than just move freight. I don't know what I can do to transition from truck driver to something else, but I'm starting to look at other options, knowing I need to account for Aspergers in the mix. So that's a step in a more positive direction.

The alcohol abuse is just my misguided attempt to self-medicate the other problems. Not really an epiphany. I've known that for awhile; I've just been wallowing so much in self-pity about my "issues" and lazily sticking with my "friend" John Barleycorn.

So, to sum up, I still drive a truck, and will for the foreseeable future. But I finally can see a plan of action now to make my life better: accept things the way they are for now, while continuing to develop myself and my skills to move on to something more rewarding emotionally and professionally; and find positive and constructive coping strategies to handle these diagnoses.

I am realistic enough to know I'll still feel stress and depression even while learning how to better deal with them, and I'm probably not going to stop drinking overnight. I need to get help and support to work on that.

But I heard a lot of encouraging and positive things being said about people with Aspergers, and it helped me to realize that a diagnosis of Aspergers is not the end of the world. It could be the beginning of a bright new chapter in my life. Who knows? So watching those videos gave me a sense of optimism, which feels pretty damn good! So thank you again for your reply.

I am in no way a physicist, but I am a big fan of those that are! I would love to hear from one on this. So, do you think we are perceiving this lag as it actually is occurring and those that do not perceive a lag or are not bothered by it have adapted to the intended effect? Or, are our brains the ones that are lagging?

I am only a few chapters in and already I have also highlighted and scribbled notes all over the place! It really is fascinating and a real eye opener.

A_number: Regarding sound / vision lag, I'm going to google it and see if I can find anything. Right now I'm dealing with frozen plumbing. Yikes!

I'm extremely nearsighted, but wear contacts - those could cause some distortion???