Hi everyone -- I thought I'd quickly introduce myself to the group..
I've found my way here after a succession of failed attempts at finding a kind of validation or diagnosis for what I currently suspect to be Aspergers. Previously, I thought I may have suffered from Depersonalisation/Derealisation, which my GP had informed me that it was more likely to be a symptom than an actual disorder. I also have Epilepsy which is currently controlled with medication.
After close to 10 years of visiting doctors, neurologists and psychologists with no positive outcome, I decided to live with the symptoms, my coping mechanism was to try and ignore them by reassociating; being more sociable and trying to lead a relatively normal life, or what I thought it is supposed to be. Faking it essentially.
I would try and reacquaint myself in situations I otherwise couldn't cope. Where previously I had avoided social situations, I had tried to go along and enjoy myself without being too self-aware. I found that because I couldn't understand, or felt overwhelmed by what was going on around me, I would put down to having these symptoms. Over time, nothing had changed and I was becoming increasingly anxious to the point I would avoid going anywhere and anywhere I did go, I would do my best to avoid attracting too much attention to myself.
It wasn't that I was avoidant of these scenarios because I didn't want to enjoy them, it was that I felt I wasn't capable of taking it all in. To best try and explain, it feels like every source of stimuli hits you equally and feels amplified. Combined sounds are more a cacophony, spatial awareness is confused and conversation is difficult in both the context or meaning of something being said and my inability to have a point of reference or opinion seems completely abstract.
Which was until recently I had discovered Aspergers from an interview, which mentioned certain aspects that I identified with, so thought I would join this group and get an insight first before I decide if I have it or not. I also took the criteria test (minimum of 32 points, I think) and scored 47 -- then thought it might have been a bit too exaggerated, took it again and got 49!
And then there are the interests.... I enjoy music and art in particular and thankfully fairly active as an artist which allows me a little respite by being with likeminded people and it also helps to make me forget about myself for a few minutes!
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and look forward to hearing from you!
23 Dec 2013, 3:24 pm
